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#192875 - 11/27/07 10:22 PM .
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
...


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 01:58 PM)

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#192877 - 11/27/07 11:11 PM Re: confused... [Re: bardo213]
Bewlayb1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 243
Loc: NYC
It seems to me you are insecure about your sexuality. Plenty of men are metrosexual and still certain that they are attracted to women. But, why would you post something to the effect of, "Why do people think I'm gay? It's so unfair!" And then proceed to make insulting moral judgements about gay men. It's both hurtful to many, and does not reflect good on you.

I don't mean to be provoking. This site is a supportive and wonderful place. I, myself, don't know if I want to be with a man, or a woman. But, I cannot be impassive while your words are upsetting a significant segment of sexual abuse survivors.

I lack nothing as a man. I am the son of two lower-middle class parents, one is an alcoholic and one is a frequent psychiatric inpatient. At eight, I was raped by a teacher for two years. Somehow, I lived through ten years of having horrific nightmares each night, possessing no social skills and being lost in a delusional fantasy world. How many "real men" would survive my life? How many "real men" would learn to speak after ten years of almost complete silence?

I think people in this society often write things like you have written about gays and expect no condemnation. Well, I empathize with your history of abuse, obviously, but you have to be careful what you say. Sorry, "Just my opinion."



Edited by Bewlayb1 (11/27/07 11:18 PM)

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#192887 - 11/28/07 12:12 AM Re: [Re: Bewlayb1]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
...


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 01:58 PM)

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#192892 - 11/28/07 01:17 AM Re: confused... [Re: bardo213]
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Hello and welcome to MS.org. It's a great place. I read your post and just don't understand something. You said

Originally Posted By: lynchmob212001
im a flirtacious type person with female or male


Then you go on to say

Originally Posted By: lynchmob212001
and I know shes hitting on me I go for it, but if a man does it im going to drop him like a tone of bricks


Isn't this sending mixed signals? On one had you are willing and openly "flirting" with a man, but if he "hits" on you you "drop him like a ton of bricks". Maybe I'm off beat here, but doesnt flirtying invite the very thing you are droping?

Thanks
James

_________________________
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#192909 - 11/28/07 05:06 AM Re: [Re: James_dup1]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
...


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 01:58 PM)

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#193011 - 11/28/07 01:56 PM Re: confused... [Re: bardo213]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
lynchmob212001,

I think confusion with sexuality is common for most male survivors.

A survivor might distance himself from manhood and masculinity images just to not be like the abuser. That, of course, does not make one gay or bi, or whatever. It is a psychological problem, as finding a comfortable partner is.

I want to tell you that I'll support you and I understand the people's prejudices. So stay strong, and seek professional help, in case you still had not done it. Reading survivor support books are help as well.

Alexey

_________________________
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When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
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#193018 - 11/28/07 03:09 PM Re: [Re: alexey]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
...


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 01:57 PM)

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#193019 - 11/28/07 03:12 PM Re: confused... [Re: bardo213]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
Lynch,

Sexual confusion seems to be a common problem for male survivors

I recommend you read the posts under Sexual Identity as this has been discussed extensively and you might find information and other folks who are dealing with the same issues.

In my experience it is a very confusing topic and also can be very sensitive for many folks, so keep that in mind and be patient and sensitive to others feelings.

Best,
~Raul

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#193048 - 11/28/07 08:37 PM Re: [Re: rcm]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
////


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 01:57 PM)

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#193080 - 11/29/07 12:06 AM Re: confused... [Re: bardo213]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Originally Posted By: lynchmob212001
I've had some problems with my own sexuality. I think I'm straight but people tend to think else wise and I understand that it has to do with the sexual abuse. I guess what I'm getting at is how can people make judgments about your sexuality or even assumptions when they know nothing about you but can stereo type you within 1 minute just by looking at you?

Hi LM, could it be that you give off non-verbal messages that are confusing? Maybe you just need to get a good book on body language, and practice the non-verbal male signals.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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