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#192548 - 11/25/07 12:31 AM Realistic timeframe to recovery?
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
Is there even such a thing?

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#192549 - 11/25/07 12:33 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: Frog]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I'd say no, frog

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#192553 - 11/25/07 01:13 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: mogigo]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
I tend to agree with Mike, here. The hard part with timelines is that everyone is different; has experienced different depths and intensity of trauma; address situations personally and differently; an a host of items that put us all in different places and on variously different time-lines. Treating sexual abuse victimization is not "one size fits all" but rather a process through which we each journey. That's why I encourage each person to focus on their own personal recovery instead of comparing ourselves to others around us.

Wouldn't it be nice to know you can cure and resolve the trauma from abuse in 25 sessions or less?

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#192556 - 11/25/07 01:32 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: ScottyTodd]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Frog,

I would say no as well. We are all different as people, our backgrounds differ, and our abuse experiences are not the same. One issue that devastates me may not be all that important in your case.

It often happens that courts or medical authorities will grant a survivor a certain number of sessions, but that reflects only the financial politics, not the needs of the survivor.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#192558 - 11/25/07 01:44 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: roadrunner]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Damn it...I don't want to spend any more time than necessary to recover...

I'm tired...

I just want to be well...

Functional not Dysfunctional ...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

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#192561 - 11/25/07 01:53 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: Frog]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Frog,

Originally Posted By: Frog
Damn it...I don't want to spend any more time than necessary to recover...


You won't! You will make the moves and decision you need to make as soon as you are able and as soon as the time is right for you. I remember this impatient feeling too, and I found that when I could relax and be a bit more at peace with myself, that in itself helped me to move forward.

I also discovered that it wasn't the end of the world if things went slow or if I slipped now and then. Remember my thread about Fuck Recovery Day? \:\) There's some great stuff there, including a great poem by David (MemoryVault).

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#192562 - 11/25/07 01:53 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: Frog]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
I have learned that I cannot set expectations on a time frame for myself because its not 26-year-old Brian who's in charge of recovery. It's 6-year-old Brian who's in charge. It can seem like its taking so long, and occasionally seems like its going at a fairly good pace.

I have also learned that patience with the process is very important. There are so many times when I sound similar to you this night in that, all I want is for this process to be done with. I just want to proclaim that I'm healed and ready to move on. My impatience results on my being down on myself for not being where I want to be with it... Which in and of itself tends to be a trap that I think many of us get stuck in from time to time.

Things do get better. Hang in there Frog. You're doing well.

~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#192563 - 11/25/07 01:57 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: roadrunner]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
Frog,

Originally Posted By: Frog
Damn it...I don't want to spend any more time than necessary to recover...


Remember my post about Fuck Recovery Day? \:\)

Much love,
Larry



One of MY FAVORITE posts... \:\)

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#192566 - 11/25/07 02:01 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: Frog]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Frog,

Fantastic! Go back and reread it, if you will. I put in the link after I first posted my comment above. I think it will really help you to see how other guys allowed themselves to poke fun at this one. Sometimes a smile really does work wonders, especially if we can do it together.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#192567 - 11/25/07 02:01 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: frost]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
Originally Posted By: frost


There are so many times when I sound similar to you this night in that, all I want is for this process to be done with. I just want to proclaim that I'm healed and ready to move on. My impatience results on my being down on myself for not being where I want to be with it...

~Brian


WOW.... I FEEL that most of the time lately... and I'm sure the GF feels the same
as well, as she is becoming impatient as am I.... bless her for coming this far
by my side....

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#192568 - 11/25/07 02:05 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: roadrunner]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
Frog,

Fantastic! Go back and reread it, if you will. I put in the link after I first posted my comment above. I think it will really help you to see how other guys allowed themselves to poke fun at this one. Sometimes a smile really does work wonders, especially if we can do it together.

Much love,
Larry


My FAVORITE part of that post: and I quote:

"Oh yeah, I'm also going to demand answers for the "why me" questions, and when I don't get answers I like I'm going to get really freaking mad and hit something."

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#192570 - 11/25/07 02:07 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: Frog]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
ahh I think its time I went and visited Fuck Recovery Day again.

_________________________
Boom!

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#192571 - 11/25/07 02:17 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: frost]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

Thanks Larry and Brian...I really needed that after all this holiday shit and
the past couple months of "recovery" research.... \:\)

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#192572 - 11/25/07 02:48 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: Frog]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
That's sounding a little more positive, Frog \:\)

Glad to hear you're feeling a tad better. Have a happy Sunday.

_________________________
Boom!

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#192580 - 11/25/07 06:48 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: frost]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Frog,

Hey, well done bro! Stuff like this just keeps proving to me over and over that when we feel low and lost the best thing we can do is talk about it. The words and content almost don't matter...just TALK \:\) .

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#192581 - 11/25/07 06:52 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
And here, hopefully with David's blessing, I want to repost the most glorious moment in that wonderful thread:

Quote:
I demand the anger, grief (and more) stop
My journal makes a damn good doorstop
No chat groups, posts, or soul exposure
I’ll whomp the next guy who says “closure”
My inner child should be adored
But my outer adult’s fucking bored
Let’s hijack the “journey of discovery”
Today at least, we’ll skip recovery


I swear...I really thought I was going to wet myself when I read this - I was laughing THAT hard. \:D

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#192612 - 11/25/07 11:38 AM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: roadrunner]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona

"I’ll whomp the next guy who says “closure”"

was/is still as funny as the first time I read it...

Last night is was laughing and thought I would wake the house...it was late \:\)

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#192618 - 11/25/07 12:25 PM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: Frog]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Hey Frog,
I know how you feel. I have been in some sort of recovery for many years, it was only after 2 years in therapy did I realize that almost all my issues revolved around my abuse which ended at 17yo.

I have discovered since then I am not a drug addict, I am not a sex addict, I am not an alcoholic, I am not bi-polar, I do not have treatment resistant depression. What I am is a normal person dealing with an abnormal childhood. What I feel is normal for what I have been through. It's OK for me now and I know that I will recover from over time.
The best thing I did for myself was to trust my therapist and tell her what really was going on in my head.

In the past month since then, my life is changing in so many positive ways I can not express them in words. today I know for certain that my abuse and neglect has always been the issue and I now refuse to spend the rest of my life as a victim.

As far as a time frame there may not be one but that does not mean the rest of my life will be spent in recovery.
I had to step back from recovery and rediscover life.
This is my experience after 4 1/2 years in recovery.
I spent 3hrs a day 7 days a week for almost 3 years sometimes 6hrs on weekends on recovery.
The last 1 1/2 years struggling to figure out why I was getting worse and not better.
What I discovered is that I can not live/hide in recovery.
There is work for me to do for myself,and now that I have the time to work on me I find the results are much more profound than anything I have been through to this date.
peace
Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#192628 - 11/25/07 12:51 PM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: GateKPR4]
Frog Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 291
Loc: Arizona
Originally Posted By: GateKPR4


As far as a time frame there may not be one but that does not mean the rest of my life will be spent in recovery.

I spent 3hrs a day 7 days a week for almost 3 years sometimes 6hrs on weekends on recovery.
The last 1 1/2 years struggling to figure out why I was getting worse and not better.
What I discovered is that I can not live/hide in recovery.

Rick


This is the exact fear I have, is that I will spend the rest of my life
consumed by recovery...I cannot handle the thought of this prospect...

_________________________
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment, "The one I feed the most."

Top
#192648 - 11/25/07 03:00 PM Re: Realistic timeframe to recovery? [Re: Frog]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Thanks, guys--sorry this won't be a funny poem:

I also plunged into an intense kind of "recovery" years ago--it was too much, too overwhelming. I, and probably my therapists, believed at the time that what you had to do was relive as much of the pain as you could, as quickly and intensely as you could, to "get it out." I fell apart emotionally and ditched the entire idea of recovery for many years. I built a life for myself instead.

I used to think I was playing hooky from the work that I needed to do, but that time off, just living my life, was part of the process. I'm stronger and readier to face the dragons now.

I don't believe the same things about recovery that I used to. It's not a series of flaming hoops you have to jump through, a minefield you have to cross, and someday, you're done, assuming you make it out alive. It's the act of facing what went wrong, opening yourself up to support and guidance, forgiving yourself, celebrating what's getting better, and sometimes, taking a long break. Maybe it's doing what you always do, but with better understanding and more compassion. Maybe "recovery" slides imperceptably into plain old "growing" and it never stops.

A couple of days ago, I wrote out a list of every major thing that went wrong in my family -- every disaster that could be the subject of lots and lots of therapy. I couldn't read the thing when I was done--it wouldn't even work as a screenplay. But I tried reading it again this morning, and got depressed and overwhelmed. ("No way is this my life!") Eventually, I got up and took a long shower, got dressed and went for a walk, blasting some cathartic music (Marc Almond). I feel better now, and Sebastian, the cat, is purring on my lap as I'm typing this.

That list of stuff, and getting overwhelmed, are recovery. But so are the walk, the music, and the cat.

If it's too much now, Frog, if the work is "consuming" you, a break may also be recovery.

David


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