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#189912 - 11/04/07 10:25 AM A Clear Autumn Day
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Hey guys I wrote this years ago but found it and wanted to share it. When I first started recovery I used to write a lot as means to help me understand what I was feeling. Hope you like it.

A Clear Autumn Day

It was a clear autumn day as I started my walk
The crispness of the air filled my lungs
The sun makes the dew on the leaves look like a million diamonds dancing like faries
Mother nature painted a perfect day to walk in teh woods
The oranges, yellows, reds of the leaves mixed as only a master painter could
The song the birds were singing was like an orchestra playing in perfect harmony
The sunrise in the east exploded as if to scream "See me world wonder at my beauty."
I walked deeper into the woods, allowing my body, mind and soul to be lost in it all.
Suddenly, I look up; I've never seen this part of the woods
I spin around
The birds are no longer singing.
The colors on teh leaves, brown, dead, decaying
The darkness starts to enjulf me
Slowly at first; all most to slow to even be seen
My mind races at every sound, every twig snap
My body freezes in fear
My soul trembles at the loneliness.
The darkness moves closer and closer.
I run as fast as I can.
Turning at every path I can find.
The panic swells in my like a title wave, so small no one see's it.
Not even I.
I run faster and faster from teh darkness.
I can feel my energy fleeting from my body.
My mind says, "Lay down, let it have you."
My body says "Run faster!"
My soul trembles in teh corner like a lost child.
I stop and scream, "WHY! WHY ME? WHY THIS DAY!?!?!?"
I wait for my answer.
I stand not moveing a muscle
The only sound I hear is my own breathing.
The only thing I feel is numb.
The only thing I smell is rot.
The only thing I taste is death.
I ask again as I fall to my knee's ready to give up.
I cry into my hands and ask softly "why?"
The only answer I get back?
"Because you are alone!"

I wrote this when I was in the hosptial. The doctor asked me to write something the explained how I was feeling, because I wouldnt open up in group about my feelings. And he wanted me to sharel with the group. So I wrote this and I couldnt even read it had to have one of the other guys read it for me. Well anyways I sure hope you like it.

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#190076 - 11/05/07 08:18 PM Re: A Clear Autumn Day [Re: James_dup1]
Samuel_D Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 16
James, great job....what a way to express yourself..made me cry! You say alot...I liked it alot!!
\:\)


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#190121 - 11/06/07 01:06 AM Re: A Clear Autumn Day [Re: Samuel_D]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi, James. What a powerful poem. All I can say is I'm so sorry, man. So sorry. Thanks for sharing it with us, I know it must have been hard. And I know what you mean about how writing helps us to understand things. I found that writing poetry is a real means of release for me that I can't express any other way.

_________________________
Eddie

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#190124 - 11/06/07 01:25 AM Re: A Clear Autumn Day [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
James,

That's a powerful poem to be sure. I so agree with Eddie - sometimes it takes a poem to express what we feel in our souls, and you surely have done that here. I am so sorry.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#192458 - 11/24/07 11:43 AM Re: A Clear Autumn Day [Re: roadrunner]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Very moving James. You must have felt so alone and afraid.

It shows I fear I feel sometimes. I can be afraid to be too close, so I mostly keep people at a distance. I am better now, about letting people in, but it's still a defense I have.

Keith.


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#192474 - 11/24/07 01:38 PM Re: A Clear Autumn Day [Re: KeithR]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
James,

What a wonderful poem. Just awesome, I hope some day I will be able to put into words my feelings of my abuse and memories. Presently my mind is all over the board, do I feel sad or glad that I am working on this? The pain is great and my mind is like scrambled eggs. It is so hard to stay on the here and now instead of on the past.

Thanks for sharing your poem with.
Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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