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#19244 - 11/10/02 01:38 AM grow up people
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
im a little sick of all the nitpicking thats been going around here. Yes it is a painfull reality that thier has been an impostor on the boards, but i think it is important that everyone realize that the hard cold reality is that there is, and probably has been since the begginging, perpetrators who will use this service, and that as fucked up as that may be, the truth is you can only be so safe. If we are going to heal it has to be in the real world. Part of healing is accepting responsibility for your own actions, trusting your own judgement, and learning to take risks when it comes to trusting people.

To those of you personally hurt, i am sorry. But we must all remember to respect the anounomous nature of the medium we are using to communicate and to establish healthy boundries with the people you meet here.

Next, i think that this forum has done nothing to anyone but try and help them. Arguing semantics over every little insignificant thing is really disrespectfull. The moderators are here to keep this board from turning into a flame war or a debate lounge, as well as let perpetrators and imposters know that someone IS watching. If the moderators need thier own section on the forums to coordinate thier efforts in private, then the more power to them. When i stopped hearing heartwrenching stories about men who were being raped everyday of thier lives since they were young boys up until adolecsence, and heard them replaced with debating how much more special a junior or senior member was and the distinction between how many little yellow stars they had by thier name, i knew we lost something.

This is about pain, joy, rage, trust, and love. When i came onto these boards i was moving out of my sexually and psychologically abusive mothers house for the first time, after having been unemployed and clinicly depressed since i was 16. I went to bed dreaming about beating my mothers boyfriend with the butt of a pellet gun until he was bleeding and couldnt get up anymore, and spent every waking moment thinking i was insane for remembering what my mother did to me.

This board was my only connection to anyone who had ever been abused, the only confirmation i got that i wasnt making the whole thing up, and one of the primary reasons i managed to move out of my house and sever contact with my mother.

I know the pressures of the outside world seem enormous sometimes, but the battle to control your life and become who you want to be begins and ends with how you deal with the abuse. Dont let it push you down, dont let it decide who are for you. When our pain becomes cliche and our feelings analyzed to death, our struggle loses its meaning. We have to make this mean something, we can not just sit idle and wait for our pain to kill us. Start digging inside, and try to connect with the pain and rage you feel.

The last thing i would like to say is that we should all understand just how sensitive newcomers are to this. If you are feeling vulnrable, be careful, and understand that you are extremely sensitive, and think before you interpate something said as harmfull. And to those of you who are in their company try to make a reasonable effort to be a little more delicate than usual. If we focus on coming together and working through this, we can avoid the melodrama and rally together to fight one of the most ancient, horrifying tradgedies perpetuated by the human race.


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#19245 - 11/10/02 07:16 AM Re: grow up people
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Hi Broken
I was wondering where you had gone and it's good to see you back.

And what a return, I couldn't agree more.

Quote:
Part of healing is accepting responsibility for your own actions, trusting your own judgement, and learning to take risks when it comes to trusting people.
Quote:
If we focus on coming together and working through this, we can avoid the melodrama and rally together to fight one of the most ancient, horrifying tradgedies perpetuated by the human race.
Broken, I thank you for those words.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#19246 - 11/10/02 03:15 PM Re: grow up people
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Broken:

First of all, its good to hear from you again! \:\)

Second, and I know some might think I'm saying this becuz I'm a moderator & I'm supposed to, but I'm gonna say it anyway:

Thank you for this insightful & incisive post. IMHO you get to the point and to the priorities of what this site and being on it is all about.

"When i stopped hearing heartwrenching stories about men who were being raped everyday of thier lives since they were young boys up until adolecsence, and heard them replaced with debating how much more special a junior or senior member was and the distinction between how many little yellow stars they had by thier name, i knew we lost something."

Amen! I agree, tho I am optimistic that what's being lost is not completely beyond our bringing back, better than ever. I know, I'm an eternal optimist! :rolleyes: Nevertheless your words are right on and signal a warning I hope we'll heed.

"This board was my only connection to anyone who had ever been abused, the only confirmation i got that i wasnt making the whole thing up, and one of the primary reasons i managed to move out of my house and sever contact with my mother."

I'm glad this site & the people here have helped you so much. What we need are more "testimonials" like yours! I don't even want to think where I might be without this lifeline! My issues with my incestuous mother were largely resolved after I started on this site. Just for instance.

Thanks Broken! Stick around & keep posting as you are able. Your voice is needed--along with everyone else's! Take care.

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#19247 - 11/12/02 05:55 AM Re: grow up people
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Hi

Great Post. I think we ALL need to focus on what bought us here in the first place. Yes it's bloody heart renching that someone feels the need to manipilate us (again), as if we haven't all experienced enough of that in our pasts, and for some present! I agree, and anyone who has been personally effected by what has recently occured has my deepest sympathy.

It seems that we all struggle with boundaries, and keeping ourselves safe. I personally find it extremely difficult to know when it is and isn't appropriate to talk about my past, but as Broken rightly said there is a certain ammount of annonimity on these forums. Yesterday I was asked if I would appear on a talk show and discuss the issue of male rape, (it is a bit more sensitive the Jerry Springer, it being Kilroy for you frellow Brits). However I have decided that as things are really quite good at the moment and I'm enjoying life, I would not appear. This has made me realise just how far I have come on my road to accepting and valueing myself. At one time I would have jumped at the chance, (though not litterally, I'm in a wheelchair), in the hope that I would be put down, destroyed.

I realise that some people, who may be more vunerable than me, and just starting on the road to acceptance will struggle with safety and boundary issues, but part of the healing IS learning to take power back from our abusers and all the time we are arguing the toss over other issues and not getting down to being supportive of each other, the abusers win, whether they are the physical abusers of our past or the abusers on these forums.

Sorry if this post is a bit disjointed but that's how I feel today. I hope some sense can be made of my ramblings.

Be good to yourselves. ;\)

Mark S


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