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#192451 - 11/24/07 10:54 AM Is it better...
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
to love and lose or never to love at all???? Why? ?????

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#192454 - 11/24/07 11:09 AM Re: Is it better... [Re: James_dup1]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
i think this question is more about pushing outside of our boundaries. as survivors, we find it difficult to achieve a level of emotional intimacy enough so that we can say that we love that person. Regardless of whether or not we lose that person... the question asks is it better to just not try...

I think it's safe to say there is an entire world unknown outside of a typical survivor's boundaries. If we never test those boundaries, and never dare to go outside of them... we will likely be content, but we'll be missing out on that world.

As it would turn out, not everyone in the world is out there to hurt us... There are great things about that world, and there are not so great things about that world. I am trying to live in that world now. I'm married. There are days when I wish I could just be a recluse and run away from it all... and there are days when I wouldn't trade it for all the riches in the world. It's awkward in this world... There are certainly things from my childhood that make it difficult to be here.

My advice is simply this: My comfort zone hasn't really ever gotten me anywhere. It's more of a coping mechanism than a way of life. Try love when you're ready to step outside of that coping mechanism -- and not before. If you love, and lose... You will end up a deeper, stronger person in the end. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. It's generally true is what I'm finding.

~Brian

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Boom!

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#192475 - 11/24/07 01:51 PM Re: Is it better... [Re: frost]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
James,

My answer is that it's better to love and lose rather than never to love. Love is part of who we are; it rests in our very soul and isn't something external to ourselves. To deny or shun love is to reject part of what makes us alive and real. And even when love seems to elude us or bring only harm, the fact is that all of us have at some time experienced it's incredible power. Lost love sucks and that's the truth, but I think the only answer is to get up, give ourselves the time we need to regroup, move on and embrace the world once again.

I don't mean love as something necessarily sexual, by the way. There are many people whom I love - some intensely - but in a fraternal way involving caring, affection, interest and whatever personal engagement I can offer at the moment, but which I would never wish to express sexually. And when I type out "much love" yet again, even after many thousands of times (it's not part of my automatic sign-off), it's still a special moment for me. So here it comes again, James:

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#192528 - 11/24/07 10:17 PM Re: Is it better... [Re: roadrunner]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Love always hurts????

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*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#192534 - 11/24/07 11:02 PM Re: Is it better... [Re: RICK57]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rik,

Originally Posted By: RICK57
Love always hurts????


No, I don't think so, but I guess the deeper and more committed we become to it the more exposed we are to possible hurt. Doesn't the crunch come when we have to decide how we will react to that risk?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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