Fucked up again, but at least there was no penetration this time and i kept it out of the shower. (For those who don't know, X-dressing rape fantasies is what im talking about, and the shower is where i was molested.) Fucking hell, its like i just can't win. I fight but i just don't know how to stop. At least now i know it has something to do with my mother now, but that really isn't helping.

Well heres some really dark poems. The first is pretty graphic, so don't read it if you are offended by things like that. This is a fantasy kind of poem, like lewis carol, not to be taken literally. If you have ever felt rage, or desired revenge, you are not alone, and thats what this is about. But remember that this is not the way of a good man. Justice is not Vengeance.

A Dream of Blood

My cup runneth over
An unholy grail
I draw blood
From the stone in my hand

First come the blades
Murdering all who have wronged
Screams as omens of blood
I kiss it, dripping from a wicked blade
It is my first taste
It is my last
The birth of an undying thirst

I am the beast
I stand over my prey
Fresh kills, and still beating hearts
The fear in thier eyes
Is the blood in thier veins

It pours like wine
The ground is wet
I lick it from the dripping walls
Bloody homes and bleeding hearths
The temples of false idols
And the towers of the mighty vision
Now haunted by spirits of vengeance
Drowning in bloody tombs

I don my mask of death
For I have become the angel of blood
I see my rusted mail
Jagged steel covered with dried blood
It is as thick as bone andheavy as lead
Barbed lacing digs into my flesh
As i adorn my eternal prison

My blade, a piece of scrap iron
Drenched in blood and rusted through
I stand atop my tower
And watch the world below

A storm brews in the distance
And the rain is thicker than water
The forests howl and the earth becomes red
Trees shriek as they burn
Shrivelling until the burst into crimson

Cities become the harvest
The air screams
The wind cuts into my veins
Rivers of fiery torment
Sands that shred the flesh

The sky grows red
The sun, the eye of rage
The moon is has become a scarlet stone

I weep my last tears
as they bloody my face
I loose a final howl of pain and sorrow
The blood covers my eyes
And my world fades to red

The next poem is more personal, and is about isolation, shame and longing for dreams that can never be.

Wishes

I wish my face could breath
I wish my mind would clear
I wish i could smell, and feel, and see
I wish I could hear

I wish I could be strong
I wish I would live with grace
I wish I didn't look the fool
I wish instead of a mask, I wore my face

I wish I had power
I wish I had charm
I wish I was respected
I wish I knew who I was,
knowing not doing any harm

I wish always to have a bigger will
I wish i had a bigger soul
I wish fate knew me
I wish I was to it more than a grain in the whole

I wish I could live the lives of my creations
I wish i could remember all my stories without flaw
I wish I could create in ways I can't
I wish others could simply see them
Instead of groping at the words from my maw

I wish the world made sense
I wishe life would stop confusing me
I wish I knew what the hell was giong on
I wish i could stop wishing, and just be

Thanks fo reading. If anybody would like to talk to me about forced feminization fantasies or crossdressing, so i can understand it better, i would appreciate it.

the poems are hard to read even though I agree with you. take care of yourself, I know how hard it (life) can be.