For a few days, I've struggled so much. I've grown so much and yet I will hit the wall. I want to scream, or masturbate, or indulge in porn, or something to break the tension inside. I always know it will subside. it's just hard while I wait on it.

...needed to get that off my chest.

Then scream.. go outside and just yell at the top of your lungs.

Hey ee, I'm so with you on the stopping the compulsive stuff, I tried a few months ago to stop completely. I failed miserably, it just built up to breaking point and it did exactly that, it broke. There needs to be a replacement for that relief. You have the right idea brother but without a healthy replacement it just won't happen. Working out, breathing excercises, meditation, there really is so many. Pick one and when that compulsion hit's use the new one. It's do-able but make sure you have that replacement.

It really is detrimental without the replacement

Stay strong
Mike

There are many of us that know the feeling you describe. I like James' suggestion. Just go out and scream. Go out and use a club on a tree. Go for a long run. Come here and talk about it.

And hey, if you don't make it, it's not the end of the world, you know?

Lots of love,

John

easterneurope,



Wise words from a wise friend! All this crap didn't fall on us in a day and we're not going to get past it in a day. Nor should we beat ourselves up if we can't switch off the temptations like we can switch off the lights.

My monsters were hard drugs and it took me 6 years to break free. Even now, after 32 years clean, they still call to me and let me know how much "easier" things would be if I came back to them.

So it's a struggle, my friend. You can win, but not in a day. Just keep going and keep telling yourself it's worth it. It is, and so are you!

Much love,
Larry

Good advice and well received. I do have several replacements, just got bogged down and couldn't see them. I am thankful to be able to drop things here nad get needed feedback. i have read often here that I don't have to re-create my abuse anymore. There is sometimes such a strong desire to do that. The more I've resisted that, the more I am in control. What a great feeling. It has always controlled me.

Today, I'm off work and I'm going for a long walk alone in the city. This always clears my head. I can be lost in the crowds of the millions here and think, pray and gather my self again.

easterneurope,

The idea of a long walk is a good one. Sitting alone in the house waiting for something to snap is always the worst option. It's better to keep occupied with something, and for me doing something creative has always been what helps me most.

Much love,
Larry

Sitting alone in the house has always done me in. Now, I fight my way into the shower first thing in the morning to get out of the house ASAP. I take my lunch to work to stay out of an empty house...because an empty house is a reminder of the past...I need to see the faces of others living a regular life...just everyday, normal, activity....I know that if I'm alone in an empty house...I'm a click away...It's tough though...That empty house keeps calling me....so here I am writing you guys...knowing you understand what I'm going through....Thanks

I had a great few hours on foot in the city, thought a lot, got a lot sorted again and found a few interesting places along the way. Lot's of old churches I ducked into... very peaceful! ...this is Europe after all.

Amazing ee, wish I could go out and enjoy that kind of history, Canada is just too new, nothing but steel and glass and track housing.

Mike