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#192034 - 11/20/07 11:31 PM Abused for 7-8 years
Samuel_D Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 16
I am new and would like some feedback…….

Hi I am 32 now and my abuse started when I was six and lasted for 7-8 years. My abuser was my brother whom is 9 years older then I am.

My abuse started with him showing me pornography, then that led to touching, oral sex, and penetration.

I have a wonderful wife and children that stand behind me. And I feel fortunate to find a counselor that actually helps.

I deal with a lot of post traumatic stress, and suffer panic attacks daily. I also am right now facing a lot of anger towards my brother. I don't know what to do with.

It seems my brother doesn't understand the impact that this has had on me. I have talked to my brother several times, he admits to it, but still does not grasp what he has done. And he show’s no real forgiveness. He never asks if he can help me. And he does not seem to think he needs to get help himself.

This is all I can say right now…I am really lost.

This is my fist post, and I would appreciate some response, as I am trying to see if this is a good site for support and encouragement. It has taken me almost 4 weeks to just write this…..my wife as you all may have met is Amanda. She speaks nothing but good things about this site. So thanks to all of you who have been there for her.


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#192036 - 11/20/07 11:49 PM Re: Abused for 7-8 years [Re: Samuel_D]
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Sam,

Welcome our safe corner of the net. Anger towards your perp is hard to deal with. And your right your brother has zero clue what he has done to you. He wasnt the child who was being abused. He has no clue the pain, shame, guilt, lack of self worth, self estem, and all the other crap that goes hand and hand with csa. He may never grasp what he has done to you and the pain he has caused you and by extention your family. Most perp's dont show forgiveness to there vic's. As for him asking if he can help he probley wont ever ask you that. A lot of perp's are in total denial over the crap they give the vic's.

As for the time it has taken..dont worry about it, take as much time as you need. Read the post and then post what you need too when you need too. We are here for you..

Tell Amanda Hi for me \:\)

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#192039 - 11/21/07 12:07 AM Re: Abused for 7-8 years [Re: James_dup1]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
Hi Sam (unless you would prefer Samuel);

You have come to a good site. Most of us are surviors of child sexual abuse. I was molested starting at around 8 and it lasted for 5 or 6 years. I'm sure you have many trust issues and are not sure what to think right now. All I can say right now is your wife is correct, and you are not alone.

Welcome,

Scotia


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#192040 - 11/21/07 12:29 AM Re: Abused for 7-8 years [Re: James_dup1]
Maynard Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/11/05
Posts: 49
Hey Sam,

I just wanted to say welcome to the site. This is a safe place where you can say what you feel and think without having to worry about being judged. Everybody here is very kind and compassionate. I personally can not offer up any advice on your situation since I don't have concrete memories of my abuse and have never faced my abuser. I believe that if you stick around you will find the support and encourgemnent that you are looking for.

_________________________
"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." Mahatma Gandhi

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#192041 - 11/21/07 12:40 AM Re: Abused for 7-8 years [Re: Samuel_D]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Samuel,

One thing that I hope you find out quickly from this site is that you are not alone. There are many guys on this planet whom are struggling with the same types of things as you. On this site you'll find a myriad of different stories and backgrounds of where we all came from... You'll also find many 'themes' which most of us tend to struggle with despite our diverse backgrounds and situations.

For me personally, abuse started, like you, at age 6. It continued for 9 years so I am very aware at the kind of emotional damage that takes place in the longer term abuse. I have tendencies to blame myself not only for the onset of the abuse, but the longevity of the abuse and not doing anything to stop the abuse for so many years. I'm now 26, married, and have two cats. Finally taking on this abuse one step at a time. It's hard work but it gets much easier with the help, support, and understanding that you can find on this site.

The situation with your brother to say the least sounds frustrating. To have him admit to it, but fail to recognize just how much he has affected your life... He might as well not even admit to it. The good news is, you don't need him to do that to heal from this. Your feelings and thoughts are validated just by the fact that you have them. Whether or not your abuser acknowledges this pain that he has inflicted is not nearly as important as your own acknowledgment of how you feel about what occurred. You feel it was abuse, and that's that.

I wish you all the best with your personal growth and journey that you are on. I wouldn't be where I am today without this website and the people here. It is a truly unique resource and the best of its kind.

Cheers,
~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#192061 - 11/21/07 05:30 AM Re: Abused for 7-8 years [Re: frost]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
hi welcome---------------my brother was dooing me as a boy---------------------------hope you find peace----------------steve


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#192106 - 11/21/07 12:01 PM Re: Abused for 7-8 years [Re: sabata]
thesun3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 49
Hello Samuel D. You have taken a brave step already....confronting your brother and telling him what the abuse did to you. We are basically powerless over how our perp will interpret our pain and shame. But, we are here and we understand. Visit often and post. It helps to see that others here struggle and have overcome some aspects of abuse. We're all at different levels in our healing. Welcome.

_________________________
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
Camus

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#192117 - 11/21/07 01:20 PM Re: Abused for 7-8 years [Re: thesun3]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Sam:
Welcome to MS. Yes, this is a great site. Been on MS for a month or so and really get help and support. My Brother was my perp. for about 5 years. I haven't got the guts to tell him yet how I feel and what he did to me. Hopefully through therapy I will get to that point. Great to have you with us. We are all here for a reason. HOpe you find answers and help also.

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#192603 - 11/25/07 10:28 AM Re: Abused for 7-8 years [Re: KENKEN]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Samuel,

Welcome to the site and it's great you are joining Amanda here. I'm so glad you have that support; it will make a big difference!

I'm not surprised your brother fails to see the impact of what he has done; that's so often the case with abusers who are not in therapy of their own. They seem to think the survivor should just "move on and get over it".

You'll find a lot of guys to talk to and exchange ideas with here. Just take your time and stay safe and comfortable; I'm sure you will fit right into our community of survivors, friends, family members and partners.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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