You're not alone, buddy. A lot of us have experienced the same kinds of insecurity and uncertainty and misinterpreted them. Many of us still do.
I care. I think you matter a LOT. I feel your pain, and I wish I could give you a big safe hug, but this is all I can do.
Remember that you are a good person, although perhaps in a bad place, emotionally. Please don't be bitter, and please don't be angry - especially with yourself.
Hang in there, buddy.
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche