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#191948 - 11/19/07 09:52 PM Help please...my three year old has accused his fa
Candy Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/19/07
Posts: 12
******TRIGGERS******TRIGGERS******

My three year old son has accused his father of sexual abuse. I have gone thru all the avenues available government wise to get help for my son and to get him away from his dad. At the "child advocates" last visit with my son (after spending 1 minute with him one day and 10 the second) she declared that she believed nothing happened, except maybe some inappropriate play. My son has told me daddy tickles his penis and his bum, and has even indicated his dad sticks his finger up there. He even TOLD the child advocate that his daddy touches and tickles his penis and bum, and the child advocate called it "inappropriat play". COME ON. Who would even do THAT except for someone with a problem. Needless to say my son has told me more than that. however, according to the government, i have to let my children see this man....
So they went for the first visit since the allegations, and sure enough, the eleven year old went to play with friends and my son comes back and is an emotional wreck..like i hae never seen before. I finally get him to talk to me next day, and the allegations arise again. Except THIS time he saw daddys penis get very long then very short.
Of course the father claims he is innocent. The oldest says he has never seen anything strange. However, his father is an alcoholic, and on again off again drug addict, and a MAJOR pathological liar...
I am at a loss. Having gone thru this I was wondering if someone may have SOME idea of a next step ? I can't send this boy back there.

Thanks alot. Sorry to intrude.
Candy



Edited by ModTeam (11/19/07 10:31 PM)

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#191959 - 11/19/07 11:09 PM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa *DELETED* [Re: Candy]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Post deleted by theatrekid


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#191962 - 11/19/07 11:27 PM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa [Re: theatrekid]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
I would start with a discussion with the police in a controlled sit down and discuss it setting. They will help you. PM Brian on here. He is a policeman and a moderator on this site. He will give you the best advice.
Paul


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#191976 - 11/20/07 07:38 AM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa [Re: Paul1959]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Candy,

It would help to know where you are. The legal systems are different everywhere. Absolutely take Paul's advise and contact Brian who will be able to give you priceless advice. If you can't reach him before the next scheduled visit, then contact the police in your town. Please do this ASAP!

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#191984 - 11/20/07 09:34 AM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa [Re: Trish4850]
Candy Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/19/07
Posts: 12
Thank you all for your replies.

I have spoken for a long time with the police here. I am in Tennessee. And the new law is that they are forbiddent to do anything unless the child advocacy center sees something as abuse....which they do not.

My only real option at this point, that i can see, is a restraining order. My real fear though, is that notihng is really happening, and I will ruin his dads life. But what if it is happening, and I do nothing ?

I asked my son again, point blank, are you making up a story ? Did daddy really touch you or is it a story ? Then he says he did not touch him, starts laughing , and goes on to tell me a story , laughing all the time "Daddy and I play this funny game, he tickles my penis and i run away and he chases me and tickles my penis again...so i tickle his. It is fun"....

Candy


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#191985 - 11/20/07 09:57 AM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa [Re: Candy]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Have all of these procedures been followed:

http://www.state.tn.us/youth/dcsguide/po...d%20Neglect.pdf

Is there a supervisor at child services you can talk to? Can you ask for another case worker? Have you taken your son to the pediatrician? I'm so sorry you're hitting brick walls; all I can advise is to keep chipping away at them. Your son must be protected!

Also, as you've found out, 3 year olds don't necessarily respond to direct questions; they're simply not capable and probably don't even "know" the truth from a lie BUT they will tell you a story and within that story will be the truth of what happened. Someone trained in dealing with very young children knows this.


Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#191988 - 11/20/07 10:56 AM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa [Re: Trish4850]
Candy Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/19/07
Posts: 12
No...those procedures were NOT followed. ..they NEVER interviewed his dad, or went to his dads house to do a visit.

The dad has agreed to a lie detector test..does that make him seem innocent ? He caled the police he said, and is waiting for a call back.

I reported it again, this time to a case worker for the girl who "interviewed" him last time. Whether it is his father, or someone else, they have got to help us come up with some answer. The ped is out, her reply was you have to go thru the advocacy center.

Thanks again for your time. I feel like i just barged in here !
Candy


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#191990 - 11/20/07 11:20 AM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa [Re: Candy]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Candy,

Barging in is perfectly OK here. You're concerned for your child and want to protect him and keep him safe - that is always paramount. Keep at it until you are satisfied that either everything is OK or more needs to be done.

As for your son's father being willing to take a lie detector test, sure that sounds like a good thing but an offer means nothing unless it's followed through. Let him take the test. It's good to look at the same picture from multiple angles until you're sure of what you see. Again, protecting your son is the most important thing. If feelings get hurt in the process, oh well, the alternative is simply not acceptable.

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#191996 - 11/20/07 02:02 PM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa [Re: Trish4850]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Candy,

Have you, or anyone from child services talked to your older son? He's only 11, and I'd be concerned for him as well if you think something is wrong in or around thier father's house. Children can be quite secretive if they feel they have to be to protect themselves or someone they love, even if that someone may be hurting them. I don't want to be putting more troublesome thoughts in your head, but it's something to think about and look into.

Trish



_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#192014 - 11/20/07 07:25 PM Re: Help please...my three year old has accused his fa [Re: Trish4850]
Candy Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/19/07
Posts: 12
Trish,

I have talked to him and so did the so called case worker. He swears up and down nothing has ever happened, and I do know kids that age will usually protect who the person is. He still wants to visit his dad alot, so it would seem to me that there is nothing there, but i could be wrong....

Lord
Candy


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