Hi everyone, I'm new. My screen name says it all. I have trouble remembering my initial abuse - you know, the very first time.
One of the earliest times, I was about 7 years old delivering the morning newspaper. I'm going up the steps to an older lady's house and she's waiting at the front door for me. She's not wearing any clothes and she appears to be very unhappy with me.
That was 30 years ago and I've gone by where that house used to be and it's not there anymore. The older lady would be dead by now I'm sure, but I know the memories of her, on that morning, still keep popping back up in my head. I just can't remember all the details... Did she invite me in, or did I run away? - Ican Tremember!
From about that time until now, I've had an interest in voyeurism. It's always been about catching a female undressed - just like I seemed to do on that morning 30 years ago, but I believe that older lady wanted to be "caught".
My relationships have suffered - I don't get off on being close with a female... the hugs, the sex, the kissing - it's OK the first few times, but then I get bored with it - I just want to pull away. I've told girlfriends that I get off on viewing the female body... viewing nudity. One of my favorite past-times is "fantasizing" about watching females in a shower, undressing, stuff like that.
It's all about female nudity and it always has been and it goes back to that morning with the older lady. I think to myself, if she wouldn't have been waiting for me there that day, without any clothes on - would I be so obsessed to this day, about my infactuation with the female body?
I know I've been sexually abused many other times my both male and female abusers, there was fondeling, penetration, etc., but out of all the times I've been abused, this day with the older lady remains my focus of today, because I just can't remember that day at all. It's blocked and I feel it has made me the troubled person I am today.
That's about it for now. I've enjoyed reading other "my stories" on this site and I feel I have alot in common with so many.
Thanks for being here.
Feel free to reply to this or PM me with a simliar story.