When ever I read a book or watch tv and something sad, or happy, happens to characters I feel an overwhelming sadness. I somtimes am on the verge of tears over the littelest things. I have been holding my emotions inside for so long I don't know how to let them out. If I try to bring the sadness to the surface I can't, but when I read or see something with emotion it all comes to the surface for a couple of seconds and then the pain slips back to where it came from. I just don't know how to bring the pain to the surface and release it.

Maynard,

You are not alone with this problem. Many if not most of us have been there or are there. Part of the problem you are experiencing is the way you learned to cope with your childhood trauma. As abused kids, we took the blame, shame, disgrace, etc., as best we could. We had no idea what to do with it, it hurt, but we carried bravely on, putting on the happy face when inside we were dying or dead. We knew no other way of coping.

We were taught that boys don't cry so we didn't. Now, when we so desperately to our loss, we find it impossible to do so, but the only way to healing and the other side is to be able to. We need to be able to go right through the middle of it, shed the tears that have needed to be shed for so many years, say the angry words that have needed to be said, and slowly, with true understanding, let go of the things that need to be let go of. It's the only way to genuine healing.

My suggestion would be to work on this issue with an experienced therapist if you have not. He/she can be an invaluable resource on your journey.

I wish you the best, Friend.

Lots of love,

John

Maynard,

I will echo what John said. I also cry at movies. Sometimes I have so strong feelings that even crying them out for a long time does not help to feel good.

We as survivors have got very many feelings in ourselves, not turning them into emotions, fearing and not being able to, and not showing the world our real hurt and pain. They find their way through crying.

I usually think about my tears as the tears my little inner child has about my emotionless life. I also cry for him and his sadness and loneliness.

I hope you will contact and befriend your little one. A T will surely be a solid help in your journey.

Alexey

Sometimes I leak tears during happy parts of movies. It took me a while, but I think it happens because the movie makes me realize, I didn't have that growing up.

Sometimes when me and the wife are watching a movie, I will laugh during a sad part, and she will say why are you laughing. I say I am laughing so I wont cry. I am a BIG BOY, and big boy's don't cry!

Take care,
Clifford

Before I opened up about the abuse I never had reactions by reading or movies.
Two songs "Everybody Hurts" By REM was always a trigger for tears, and the
theme from "A beautiful Mind" Jim Brickman. If you like piano its a wonderful song.
Now that almost everything is out in the open at home and with close friends I have been getting emotional about many thing. I listened to this show on NPR "This American Life" about a 21ty man and his first sex partner who by chance meet later in life when they are much older. I cried during that and I would guess that is because I could understand what they were feeling.
Anyway below is a couple links for two other threads about feelings that have been active this weekend.
peace
Rick
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...true#Post191809

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...true#Post191770

i too-------------am in the same boat---------------sometimes -i want to hurt myself to let the tears out------------------but i dont --------------------but i get the thouights--------my best for you--------and hoping you can cry-------------------steve

This is amazing I actually sized my crying up to being without a father in the home most of the time I am crying because of human triumph, tragedy, and overcoming of adversity. Also when reunions of any sort take place i.e... Siblings, parents, families, and friends. Whether it is a cartoon, fiction or most definitely real life events I get filled up with emotion. I do not hold back the tears I just know it is what happens. I believe it is cause because there is the ability to closely relate the same emotions with what has happened. I consider it to be a blessing because I am empathetic rather than sympathetic and as we all know that will make a big difference with helping others to deal with their life situations.