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#191738 - 11/17/07 06:56 PM Re: something amazing happened [Re: BJK]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
The monsters we know are never quite as scary as the ones we create in our own minds. These are the monster that hide in the shadow of our fear, never stepping out into the light of truth so that they can be seen for the pitiful waify wraiths thy actually are.

No doubt your mother was the worst monster you've known, but this monster that lives inside you has an even greater hold over you at the moment. You have the strength to pull back the curtain when you are ready.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#191739 - 11/17/07 07:16 PM Re: something amazing happened [Re: tartugas]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
The key word is "when I am ready."

I'm pretty sure I'm going to find a child in there, and I've hurt that child. I need to deal with a lot before I am ready to confront him.

But the fact is...I really don't know what fear is. I only have walls that block fear. In blocking the fear, I've learned to block that which causes the fear as well.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#191761 - 11/17/07 11:16 PM Re: something amazing happened [Re: BJK]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Hey guys, i've been busy lately (a good thing), but thanks for this thread, it reminds me of a few long, involved posts i made in F&F a little while ago; it seems as though we all have a certain amount of compartmentalization, if not necessarily full-out DID... I was "hyperactive" too, i count my blessings that i didn't get drugs stuffed down my throat, but yeah, i was a "troubled" kid even before any abuse took place, always causing a ruckus in day-care and kindergarten, i threw a chair across the room in 1st grade... neither of my parents lost their temper often, but when they did, it was terrifying- and like my story already mentions, my mom collapsed into an agoraphobic, depressed, anxious state when i was 4-5 y. o., so i guess outside the home was my only outlet too.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#191808 - 11/18/07 03:53 PM Re: something amazing happened [Re: dgoods]
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
HI Everyone,

This thread reminded me of the Litany against Fear (from Dune), which I find really helpful. In fact I used it just last night to get myself together when something had me really anxious:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

For me, the fear is often the only real problem. Once I face it, there truly is nothing left but a much calmer, happier, more centered me. For me, the way to face it is simply to accept that I have it and to embrace it.

Danny


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#191811 - 11/18/07 04:27 PM Re: something amazing happened [Re: DannyT]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Just thought I'd touch on my inner-child stuff here, I was lost in my head one day and came across him very much out of the blue. I saw him sitting in a corner, arms wrapped around his legs, he truly was the sorriest site I've ever seen. I use the de>
_________________________
Thriving

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