Bryan,

What strikes me about all this is that your T is primarily concerned with your safety and not taking you places you feel you can't visit yet. That must be very reassuring and it sounds like you are in good hands.

Much love,
Larry

We didn't do any EMDR this week, and I think that the reason is because I've started to experience the effects of EMDR. These memories that EMDR is suppose to bring back...it hasn't been happening while in the T's office necessarily. I've been more easily triggered by other events that bring memories and feelings back that I had never contemplated before.

This isn't very pleasant, and my T said that she doesn't think we're completely done yet. I'm prepared now, though. She says she still sees a pretty big blockage when it comes to dealing with the pain of my past as far as the memories and the feelings go, so we're going to take a while off (no time specified), and then go at it again for a session or two. She's pretty confident, at this point, that is all it will take.

Of course, I always have the option to say "no", and the way I feel right now, I need to get my feet back under myself before we do this again.

I'm pretty exhausted all around right now due to the amount I've been working, the stress I've been having at work, and the new emotions that are coming up.

Bryan

Great that she's able to go at your pace and not hers, i could imagine it would take a lot out of you to be dealing w/ finding yourself more easily triggered, i hope you'll keep being able to see yourself getting overwhelmed *before* it happens, maybe you can't control stress from outside sources like work, but at least you can still recognize that "full steam ahead" would probably hurt more than help for now... and maybe the "lake" thing might help if you have a shot at getting (or insisting on) some quiet time during breaks, lunch, etc. so your workday doesn't totally own you, memories surfacing is no joke- take your rest when an where you find it. I'm rooting for you bro, keep doing what you need to do...