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#191419 - 11/14/07 06:12 PM Tired of it all
Oliver D Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/14/07
Posts: 1
Loc: Romania
Short background story:
Iíve been abused at the age of 6 (25 now), while staying for a short while at my grandparents home. Iíve never went back there except for their funeral. The abuser, a cousin left the country and I never got to confront him. Iíve never searched for any kind of help mainly because Iíve lived a good life. I had no major social issues, a lot of friends, a few girlfriends, for a while I was actually happy. At 14 I started drinking and smoking, it got so bad I was almost never sober, parents didnít see it, they were concerned with me ditching school, and bad grades. Long term relationships ended with being dumped, and for some reason this had a devastating effect on me. At 18 a new girl helped me quit drinking. Recently I keep on getting worse, I am horribly depressed, I feel the need to strangle anyone who raises their voice at me, Iím incredibly paranoid and jealous, I use to have amazing insight, and power of concentration, biggest IQ in my college. And Iím a wreck, donít know what to do, and I have the constant feeling that something bad is going to happen, I donít want to be around people, Iíve got nightmares almost every night , my relationship feels like itís killing me and I just donít find it in me to stop it, I feel that people around me know that I am weak, I crave self control and itís even worse because I know I had it.
I donít need wishful thinking, everything is not going to be ok if you donít do anything about it. Does anybody know what are the steps to take in retaking your life back. I hate feeling insecure, I hate to hate myself.


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#191420 - 11/14/07 06:42 PM Re: Tired of it all [Re: Oliver D]
Darren Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 120
Loc: The High Seas
Hi Oliver! Welcome to the MS website. I think you've taken the first step by seeking out help through this website. You'll find everyone here very supportive. I would suggest reading up on childhood sexual abuse so you can begin to better understand how it has affected your life. Check out the books section of this website. I read Mike Lew's Victims No Longer and it helped me tremendously. You may also want to look into getting some counseling. You're not alone -- hang in there! -Darren

_________________________
ďNow and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be piratesĒ -Mark Twain

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#191426 - 11/14/07 07:22 PM Re: Tired of it all [Re: Darren]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Oliver,
Darren advise is sound.

1. Read Mike Lew's book. (Also Dr Garner's book "Beyond Betrayal"
2. Try to get some counseling, if that is financially feasible.
3. Check out the Circle of Healings here on this site.

You can retake you life. As Darren said, you have taken a great first step.

Take care,
Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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