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#191127 - 11/12/07 10:23 AM Did Anyone Ever See This Movie????
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
I believe the movie was called "The Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All."
In the movie this young/innocent girl marries this confederate veteran. She is dedicated to him, offers him everything that she has and eventually realizes that she loves him. The thing of it is, he suffers from ptsd and flash backs from the trauma that he experienced at 12 in fighting the Civil War.
There was one point when he had become old and senile that he admitted that she would never be what he wanted. She had given him everything of herself, believing that someday he would snap away from the tragedy of his past and her love would make a difference that he would meet some of her needs in return.
At the end of the movie she is giving a speech where she finally figures out that their children were the light of her life. In this it became apparent to me that her husband was stunted in his growth by his past. Without help or working to do better, she was trapped in the war as well, sacrificing herself to his issues in the process.
In seeing this movie it helped me to realize the importance of being true to one's self first...that there is a big difference between supporting the person you love and enabling their issues to consume your life. I just thought that I would share this here.
Best wishes,
S-n-S




Edited by sweet-n-sour (11/12/07 02:52 PM)
_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#191181 - 11/12/07 04:56 PM Re: Did Anyone Ever See This Movie???? [Re: sweet-n-sour]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
Dear SnS,
What you say is very true...
as partners, we must take care of ourselves and our children (if any) and let the survivor be responsible for his own recovery.
We can be a support but we cannot and should not make this our own.
That can be an extremely hard thing to do, when the person you treasure is consumed by pain.
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#191261 - 11/13/07 09:01 AM Re: Did Anyone Ever See This Movie???? [Re: mmac]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Jean:

Yeah Girl! Keep walking forward you're getting it! YOU COUNT TOO!

Kelly

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

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#191360 - 11/14/07 12:18 AM Re: Did Anyone Ever See This Movie???? [Re: Agape Girl]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
sweet n sour,

I have never heard of that movie, but the way you described it totally broke my heart. I felt so much sadness for the wife. And yet, sometimes I feel I am already a widow of sorts, what with very little companionship or presence of my husband, and even if he is beside me he seems not really there. It is a very lonely feeling, and sad too b/c they're really missing out on blessings in their lives, including their devoted, loving wives, w/ all their specialness and God-given traits as individual as a snowflake.

It makes me feel so sad and lonely, wondering if that is how indeed many of us will end up, looking back at our lives when we are old, too old to remarry or find love or companionship, when our lives are over, and see that all our love and prayers and efforts made no difference to our husbands whatsoever, that it all glanced off of them like water off of a duck's back.

This is a very sobering thought; is it possible we could be wasting our own lives through loving them too much for our own good? We are all waiting for them to "come home" to us. If they never do, and we grow old waiting, it will be as though we were never even married; after all we didn't really have a true normal marriage, or intimacy, or our own important human needs met. It would be as though we were forever chasing an impossible dream , and died trying for it.

This is when I truly wonder if I should break free and find someone while I am still somewhat young, attractive...I do so long for a normal, close relationship w/ all the family life I am missing out on. The catch is that I love my husband. Could it be that one's own heart can lead one to a dead end? I still have life in me and I will not wait forever, I cannot; I have decided if after age 45 he has not seriously begun counseling for himself or made some effort to be a better husband for me, then I must move on, for myself. I will love him forever but this is just not fair to any woman. That means there are 3 yrs left for us to "get somewhere" w/ his CSA stuff. There must be some progress, I feel, as I just cannot continue like this; it is too painful. At the same time it is painful, how much I love him. It's a very sad, tragic situation for most of us ladies that as little girls dreamed of a happy life w/ her mate and normal happy family times together.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#191399 - 11/14/07 12:21 PM Re: Did Anyone Ever See This Movie???? [Re: Brokenhearted]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear Brokenhearted:

To see the widow at the end of the movie make that speech was heart breaking. Her love for her confederate husband seemed to be a futile effort...doomed from the start because he was who he was, stuck within his own living nightmare. She spent an entire lifetime at his side and even after it was all said and done, she was not appreciated by him for going the distance.

I believe that we all must take responsibility for our own happiness...responsibility seperate and apart from the love of our life. What I'm saying is that imagine it will only get as good as it is today...with little or no change...is it enough? Only each of us can answer that question for ourselves and determine if it is enough to keep us in the relationship. We will all reach the end of our unique movie someday...what will our speeches say about the choices we made in this? Will we be filled with regret or warmth for knowing we came out on the other side stonger and wiser from the experience?

S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#191400 - 11/14/07 12:26 PM Re: Did Anyone Ever See This Movie???? [Re: sweet-n-sour]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear mmac:

When you said: "That can be an extremely hard thing to do, when the person you treasure is consumed by pain."

This is a very difficult process and I believe instinctively when we love someone we want nothing more than to cushion or make the pain disappear for them. This is not always possible though...without pain there is no appreciation for good emotional health.

It is very difficult not to become tangled up in the line surrounding this experience. I realize that I do not wish to be the widow that I described above. Support means something entirely different than another person's issues anchoring them down.

Best wishes,
S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#191401 - 11/14/07 12:28 PM Re: Did Anyone Ever See This Movie???? [Re: sweet-n-sour]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Hey Kelly...

Thanks for cheering me on here! I will get it...this week I feel so much closer to walking my very own direction on a path that leads me to my own unique destination. I caught a glimpse of the landscape in the distance and I can't wait to arrive!

Best wishes,
S-n-S



Edited by sweet-n-sour (11/14/07 12:28 PM)
_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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