The words in this post sound so very stressed. I have that same desire to be alone extremely often. I just wish I could go somewhere, all alone, and get all of this stuff sorted out in my head, then re-enter society when I am ready.
2 things that are food for thought that might give you some peace here... This is what I have to keep telling myself in order to remain grounded.
#1. I can't figure this out on my own. I need help, and I need to ask for help when I need it.
#2. This impulse to run and hide in order to heal: it's actually an impulse to run and hide from the world. Running and hiding from the world hasn't gotten me anywhere in the last 20 years, nor will it get me anywhere in the next 20 years.
So, those things being said -- I hope you can find some relief from whatever pressures are being such strong forces in your life right now. Try reciting these mantras a few times, and try a few deep breaths.
Keep sharing... It won't do you any good to keep this all bottled up.
Hope your sleep is going well,