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#19122 - 05/13/03 09:14 PM Never thought I'd be here...
Kodi Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/13/03
Posts: 1
Loc: Midland, ON Canada
....but here I am. Wondering just how my life guilded me to this road in life. I've surpressed the situation for so long...not telling my wife of 20 years until just a year ago.

I wasn't going to let that "thing" destroy me. In fact my denile was so deep I could've drowned in it...and nearly did.

I'm new here...but have lived with this hell since I was 5 years old. It was then, so I'm told, that my older brother, then 11, started to mess with me. I'm just now uncovering that it was he who was the "boogie-man" in my youth.

I'm not sure where this road will take me, however, I'm committed to striving be the man I can drop the unworthiness and low self-esteem I've carried all my life into the deepest hole...and never look back.

I now understand where my emptiness in life was born. I'll look to the wisdom on these boards to shed light where all that I see is darkness.


#19123 - 05/13/03 11:07 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Welcome Kodi
I'm not sure where this road will take me, however, I'm committed to striving be the man I can drop the unworthiness and low self-esteem I've carried all my life into the deepest hole...and never look back.
Kodi you are on the right road now. We are all your brothers here. We think of ourselves as a wolf pack cause we are social look out for each other help those in pain and protect each other.

It is not an easy road but one well worth taking believe me
I am sorry for what brought you here but you are in the right place.
You will never be alone again. We are all here for each other to grow and heal.

So read post listen and offer help and guidance. You will never be judged here. We are all in it together
PS I am from Mississauga Ontario
So welome brother wolf




#19124 - 05/13/03 11:20 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here...
RJD Offline

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
Welcome to the light Kodi. Sorry you had to live with what was done to you, you're not alone here.

I don't know exactly when,in the process, the light gets more comfortable to live with, but it does. To me it seems related to telling my story over and over until eventually it becomes a little less sensitive a topic. Though it is always tender.

What I remember clearly of my brother's deeds began happening when I was 11. I have some vague flashes of him outside my crib and doing something to me, but I don't know what. I don't even know if it was SA, but I know I didn't like it and I had fear of him. We were three years apart in age.

--- Be gentle with yourself

#19125 - 05/14/03 12:47 AM Re: Never thought I'd be here...
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

You're in a good place to be in light of the horrible things that happened to you.

I only started remembering my abuse, and told my wife, about 2 years ago. My abuse was from 1-11 mostly by my mother. I'm 46.

Welcome to the light and to the brotherhood of the wolf where we howl out our truth.



"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#19126 - 05/14/03 03:05 AM Re: Never thought I'd be here...
Marc Offline

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Ditto my big bro Victor...


#19127 - 05/16/03 05:19 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here...
michaelb Offline

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
good wish you did not need to be here.....michael

#19128 - 05/16/03 07:53 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here...
James_dup1 Offline

Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Im so sorry you need us, but Im glad you have found us. You are among friends here and this is a safe place to come and talk. The guys on this board are wise beyond there years (except me ofcourse). Just wanted to say welcome brother wolf.


I have more issues than Rolling Stone!

#19129 - 05/16/03 08:24 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here...
Cement Offline

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California

got caught up in the pack...had to howl with my brothers...hey Kodi, feel free to howl...


And let the darkness fear our light.

#19130 - 05/18/03 06:37 AM Re: Never thought I'd be here...
ernie Offline

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
Kodi, you are in the right place. It took me 40 years of hiding and cover up to face it all. There is help, there is hope, don't be afraid to ask for it. We all are working daily to gain self respect, and a life full of what life should be happiness. My very best to you in your journey, we are here to help.

The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.


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