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#191156 - 11/12/07 03:14 PM Effects of CSA on Work Lives??
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I went to the Conference in New York last month and I was really excited to go to this one session entitled "Working thru it: The impact of Sexual Abuse on the work lives of Male Survivors". Of course as luck would have it, it was canceled at the last minute because the presenter had some issues with his travel plans.

So even though its not scientific research, maybe we would discuss how we think the abuse impacts our work lives.

For me, I have lots of trouble remembering stuff like where the stapler is. "You've worked here how long and you still don't know where the screwdrivers are?". Also among them is doing stuff like this, going on the internet when there is work to be done, have trouble making phone calls to customers whenever I need to I always hope that I'll get an answering machine (or voicemail if its a cell phone), not really a good salesmen either, if it doesn't sell itself, its a lost cause LOL.

So what things do you have trouble with at work?

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#191157 - 11/12/07 03:20 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Wow, JTT --

That's my work life exactly! I'd add "putting on a good productive front and feeling like a complete fraud." Even though I actually do get the job done well, in my own way.

I work in short intense bursts when I can concentrate, and when my brain is completely shut down or depressed or dissociated, I just hope nobody notices. I know it all evens out in the end, and I do fine, but I also know there are jobs I can never do...like the meetings-all-day kind of management job.

I used to laugh it off and say it's just me--I've been that way ever since I was a child. But then, I've been a survivor ever since I was a child, too.

Actually, I'm sick of being the absent-minded professor type!

David


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#191162 - 11/12/07 03:38 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: MemoryVault]
midnight51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/03
Posts: 132
I have problems working peroid. It starts to feel like I'm throwing stones at a mountain. I lose focus and go inward and start to bottle things up. I get stressed and anything can happen. Often I take it out on someone else or if nothing feels appropriate I let it pass through me and lose part of myself in the process...

_________________________
http://midnight61.blogspot.com/

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#191168 - 11/12/07 03:52 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: midnight51]
Jarrad Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i am really good at leaving my problems at the door. when im at work, im focused and i do my job. when i leave, its when i can resume the humdrums of recovery. there is a guy at work who has family problems. (his kids are nightmares.) anyway, my boss asked the rest of us to cut him some slack because of problems at home. this is not okay with me. check your baggage at the door. i don't want to be "that guy" who only puts in 10% and expects everyone to forgive him because his homelife sucks. that in itself, makes me work harder and more focused.


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#191170 - 11/12/07 04:09 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
Because of my csa problems i lost my job and now have been signed off work with depression. I tried to just carry on as normal and do my job, but it became impossible for me to hold down a job. Sorry if this makes me weak, but most of the time i can barely function.
I tried so hard to be just normal and keep my job and life on an even keel, but because of my past it became impossible for me to keep my job, and my life is falling to bits around me.


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#191171 - 11/12/07 04:17 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
Gerald2007 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Seven,
I think it's very hard for people who have NOT struggled with depression to understand just how debilitating depression can be.

No, I don't think this makes one weak.

Here's hoping you'll feel better.

Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#191186 - 11/12/07 05:17 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Gerald2007]
KENKEN Offline
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Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I am like most of you guys here. I just can't "check my baggage at the door". Guess I must be weak. Those that can, good for them, but am not like that. I'm just glad that I work mostly by myself, so If I wanna cry I can. Putting on a Happy Face is not always easy.
Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#191188 - 11/12/07 05:43 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: KENKEN]
Jarrad Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i never said it was easy. only that it is possible.


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#191189 - 11/12/07 05:49 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
MarkK Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: Jarrad
anyway, my boss asked the rest of us to cut him some slack because of problems at home. this is not okay with me.

I'm confused - which is not okay with you? That the boss asked everyone to cut the guy some slack? Or for you to not "check your baggage at the door"?

Just trying to understand. \:\)

M


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#191191 - 11/12/07 05:57 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11046
Loc: Denver, CO
I think it also depends a lot on the type of baggage. Sometimes, yes, baggage can be checked at the door and left there. Other times, it's not so easy to do, or downright difficult-to-impossible. One day it may be easy, then a week later after some ground-breaking therapy that brought up a bunch of muck, it may be harder for a week.

I may not have DID, but maybe someone else does, and therefore I should reserve my judgments since I do not fully grasp what they have to bear. Or maybe I have PTSD from the abuse and they don't, and should reserve their judgments of me.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#191193 - 11/12/07 06:03 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
Gerald2007 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Originally Posted By: jtt5254

So what things do you have trouble with at work?


I just went back and re-read the original post. The above quote was the main question.

JTT,
I can identify with losing the stapler and staring at the computer screen. Some days at work are better than others. Hope your day goes well.

Gerald




Edited by gcp2007 (11/12/07 06:04 PM)
_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#191194 - 11/12/07 06:05 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
Jarrad Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i am not okay with my boss making excuses for my coworkers lack of focus, unability to see projects through, and his pissy attitude. my boss should not make excuses. part of the reason is that i have been working my butt off to keep my baggage out of the work place. and no its not easy. its fucking hard. so to hear my boss say that "we need to cut him some slack" pisses me off. thats all \:\)


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#191197 - 11/12/07 07:02 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Lost one job because of my alcohol abuse that was CSA related.
Been at my current job 5 years, and most of the time I am pretty good about getting it done. I have passed up the offer of supervisor twice because I don't want the added pressure, at least thats what I say "I might want to look deeper into the real reasons". Over the last three years I have been diagnosed with B-Polar disorder, General anxiety disorder, and Treatment resistant depression. The medications had disastrous effects on my ability to do my job. Then I spent two weeks in an institution "attempted suicide, and a month off work after I got out. So I have missed a lot of work.

A few weeks ago after finally breaking ground on the CSA with my therapist I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. Fortunately for me I had some sick time and was able to take last week off. This happened because I had a total meltdown at work after reading a personal email that morning. My current supervisor now knows about the CSA and is very supporting. My workplace has been very understanding and most think I am still Bi-Polar and I think I'll keep it that way.
I have a hard time keeping focus much of the time especially when things are slow or I'm depressed. I need clear direction or I get confused on just what I am supposed to be doing.
Still have problems socializing with people "making small talk", unless its work related. Hate using the phone. I have been asked to go out with some people after work but never went. Work Holiday parties "social thing"are still rough. Sometimes I to go in the network server room "its private and locked" and just take a few deep breaths to get my focus back. I get really uncomfortable around coworkers esp. men when they talk about sex.
Sorry this was so long but I never thought about this topic before. I am learning so much about CSA and myself from this site. Thank you all
Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
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|| || || || || || |

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#191198 - 11/12/07 07:03 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11046
Loc: Denver, CO
"So what things do you have trouble with at work?"

Depending on recent emotional bouts, some days it is difficult to concentrate when strong emotions buried for 30+ years are making themselves known. I found that writing about them the previous night helps to settle things back down, since it is a form of self-validation.

Jarrad,

That additional information helps paint a clearer picture. I would be angry too.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#191201 - 11/12/07 07:27 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
thecoopstah Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Unfortunately i don't work but i can tell you when i did,long before all the csa surfaced i had major issues with authority figures,i played the victim,i was constantly acting out,i went on drinking binges and bang out sick....the list goes on at infinitum.

Being on social security as a result of CSA i no longer am able to work because i have meltdowns to the point of wanting and feeling like i want to sanp.


anyway thats just me but i know i'll be ok..........


Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#191218 - 11/12/07 08:58 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Hmmm i've been on both sides of this one, right now i seem to be closer to what seven's talking about, but my past employers loved me to death, i know the feeling of being pissed off at your supervisor/co-workers, many times it seemed like i was the only one who realized that sooner or later treating a company like a candy store or playground results in no more company, or eventual implementation of draconian policies. I was the guy that would take care of crap that other people should have, even knowing you're being a doormat doesn't matter if something's got to get done and you're the only one to do it. One thing about workplace resentment is that it can fuel you to learn more and work harder just for the sake of shaming people into either getting lost or doing their share. as a supervisor i never asked anyone to do something i wasn't willing to do myself, and i always made sure someone understood a responsibilty before setting them to it. The only people that hated me at any job were leeches who were interested only in anything that let them f--- off as much as possible. Being never the happiest camper in life, i could tell quickly who was actually dealing w/ crap that made work seem trivial, and who was just plain lazy, and i was relentless w/ those people, they create a culture where new guys come in and start thinking it's all about "working the system". I hate bullies, i hate "sweatshops", i can't count how many times i almost just dropped what i was doing and walked off due to being so disgusted. Having said all that, there's also the fact that i can very much identify w/ David, jtt, seven and others who have trouble coping. I forget stuff, i'm usually a hell of a lot more nervous than i let on, and i've always struggled very much w/ biting my tongue when a boss is an a--hole, me and inauthentic authority figures have never been a good match... ;\) FormerTexan makes a good point.

well, there's my two cents

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#191226 - 11/12/07 09:57 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: dgoods]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
In my experience there was a period of several months back when my sh*t hit the fan where it was next to impossible to check it at the door.

Severe flashbacks, debilitating emotional jags of crying, next to impossible to control anger - especially at authority figures (boss), "waking up" to find myself staring off into space with no way of knowing how long I'd been that way, on and on.

Thankfully that is a thing of the past for me and I had an understanding supervisor. Also I was able to maintain at least a minimum level of functionality on the job or I'd probably have been gone.

For those who haven't been beset by this particular problem, count your blessings.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#191235 - 11/12/07 10:36 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: WalkingSouth]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Thanx for explaining, Jarrad - it's what I was thinking but wanted to be sure I was hearing you and not my own thoughts.

M


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#191253 - 11/13/07 04:13 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
jtt, great topic.

I am a graphic artist and programmer. In the past I have held positions in technical support, sales, teaching and a few other graphic artist positions. I know of a few problems that have persisted throughout all of my jobs... I know of a few that are directly linked to CSA. Others, I'm not sure.

First off: undervaluing my work. I often spend additional (unbilled) time attempting to improve things because I constantly think that my work must be as flawed as I am. I also basically despise every website I design when the finished product is delivered. I continually beat myself up over things I should've done better, etc.

Next: depression. I see its mentioned in a reply or two here already and I'll second the statement of how debilitating depression can be. Especially when working in sales. My word how it can affect one's ability to sell.

Dissociation is a big one for me throughout a work day. Many people call this day dreaming... I have been known to take this to a dissociative extent in that I will completely forget everything I was doing and what I am doing in my office, etc. This is probably one of the more difficult ones to cope with.

Finally, I'll talk about the job that I'm in. I really don't care for being a graphic artist and programmer. It's not what I ever planned my career to be. It just happens to be a hobby that I am good enough at to make a living off of it. I aspire to work with people. I would love to be a social worker, counselor, special needs worker, something where I can come home at the end of the day and feel like I helped someone out. I have always been afraid to get into these lines of study to enter this line of work however, due to my existing and ongoing problems with CSA. I am hoping there will be a day where I can finally say I'm 'healed' enough to start taking some courses and make it so graphic artistry and programming are my hobby again, not my job.

~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#191254 - 11/13/07 05:21 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: frost]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
I lost my job because of many problems connected to my csa. These include, problems talking on the phone, dissociation, paranoia, being short with people verging on aggression, time keeping i missed several days due to being scared of leaving the house, reading the paperwork and then forgetting what i had just read, having problems with authority figures. the list is nearly endless.
This ended with me losing my job and being signed off for the last couple of months with depression, and ive just got an appointment with the primary care mental health nurse for assessment, as my doctor and counsellor both think that im suffering from a severe mental illness. I have been on the medication for depression but this does not seem to be working. my doctor and counsellor have both mentioned it could be bipolar, PTSD, and several other mental health issues. so now i have to wait in limbo for the assesment and referal to a psychiatrist.
Jarrad if i came across as being defensive im sorry, somtimes i read something and i get very touchy and aggressive, then i react, but then i go back and reread it and can respond in a more level way. To those who can leave their problems at the door, i have great respect for and hope that they can keep doing this.
Sorry if my first reply sounded pissy, this was not my intention.


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#191255 - 11/13/07 05:43 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: frost]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Quote:
First off: undervaluing my work. I often spend additional (unbilled) time attempting to improve things because I constantly think that my work must be as flawed as I am. I also basically despise every website I design when the finished product is delivered. I continually beat myself up over things I should've done better, etc.


frost, this is true for me also. After I got hired in the IT position I have now my boss told me I did this. Over the course of a year she said I was quite a good find and that I was a valuable member of her teem. I was much more knowledgeable than she had expected and I was made asst. LAN administrator and eventually hired on full time. She told me one time "you have made quite a name for you here" and I took it as negative. It never occurred to me that people actually liked me.
I was out for 4 days last week after an emotional meltdown but go back today. I feel a little better and know it's going to be OK. Will probably take me all morning to get through the emails ;\) peace, Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#191258 - 11/13/07 06:14 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: GateKPR4]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
never lasted vrey long at one job------anger-----thinking everyone is agaist me-my work is inferior-----------i am inferior--------------cant relate to co workers--------------isolation at work-i can go on---------------since my recovery effort-----still at the same job--------------for 5 years----------------------longest in one spot-ever------------been fired -once at this job----------quit 4 times----------but for some reason still there-------------got tired of running------------moving all of the time--------------steve


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#191273 - 11/13/07 11:11 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6397
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
11 jobs in 15 years!!! THAT is how it affects me.

I have an MBA in marketing from a major university and am fairly well trained in solution selling. I've earned six figures some years and a TON less others.

Things I cant seem to do is maintain focus and/or confidence. I'm a super-strong starter, but have no history of being able to maintain any performance of note.

Depression and dissociation quickly take over once a job begins to take-off. Last week I was at a conference of about 400 attendees along with two co-workers. They commented that I would go literally 2-3 hours without speaking a word to anyone.

However, due to my hospitalization this past August, for the first time ever, my employer knows my CSA situation. The secret that never did me any good as a secret, is now out. So, we'll see if that causes a shift in my professional life.

_________________________
Wish You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

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#191288 - 11/13/07 12:49 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
Darren Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 120
Loc: The High Seas
I'm forgetful and because of this I have to have everything meticulously organized at work. If things are out of place it can throw me off completely. I get distracted easily. I also feel like a complete fraud at times, although I know logically I'm good at what I do. I've taken lately to dividing my day up into manageable segments and I think to myself, "My goal is to make it to 10:00 without getting frustrated and flustered" then to lunchtime, then to 2:00, etc.

_________________________
“Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates” -Mark Twain

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#191295 - 11/13/07 02:45 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Darren]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I too struggle terribly with distraction. It's kind of like I find any excuse to take a break. When I'm working on a project, I keep thinking of something else to mess with, and the feeling of excitement that ensues is enough to peel me away from almost anything work related. Sometimes I can get a good focus going but it's very difficult and it takes me a lot of time and frustration to get there. The result appears to be a lot of guilt and paranoia when my supervisors come around.

I have read that this is very common for abuse survivors.

I remember being very good in school, getting mostly A's or B's on my classwork, until somewhere between 4th and 7th grades. I just didn't want to prepare for class anymore. I cheated my way through all my multiplication tables in the fourth grade, and i remember this was when I first started getting stuck on a single test question. I also had a terrible time with reading comprehension, my eyes were (are) always following the words while my brain is somewhere else. I didn't usually read the assigned books in school, it was far too difficult to focus.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#191343 - 11/13/07 11:06 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: cbfull]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
I have to say, that I fortunate enough to have stayed with the same organization for 26 years. I have since been able to take early retirement. It is only with the last year (post retirement)that I have able to begin the address my CSA. All the years that I was working at my job, I totally immersed myself into my job. I worked 12hour days, 6-7 days a week. My employer loved me, no matter how difficult or bad the jobs was or how much time it would require me to work, I could never say no. I always felt like like I was inferior to everyone else and worked twice as hard and long to compensate for it. The sad part is I was working so much to cover up for my CSA. When i was working i never had time for my mind think of anything else. I was work 24/7...no personal life, no fun..no friends. I am so surprised my wife stayed with me ....but I am thankful she did. It wasn't until after i left my job that I was able to exhale...I was burned out and turning into an emotional wreck. it wasn't until 6 months after i left my job that i was finally able to tell my wife about the abuse...she was the first person i was able to tell after 41 years. From there, I saw a T...and it has been an emotional rollercoaster since. I have to say, there has been lots of good things that are beginning to happen inspite of the emotional pain...I now can talk to my wife openly about issues we have never been able to talk about before. I have gone back to school to complete my degree (this was a casuality of the CSA in the past). I has such low self-esteem I never thought I could finish college...and I when i did take classes, if i wasn't getting perfect grades, I would drop the class. I know that the emotional pain and depression are part of the healing process. I can identify with the others who have written before that sometimes they wonder if it wasn't better leaving everything locked away inside us. I know that this is not true, but sometimes your mind has a way of magnifying the pain and the problems to the point where it can seem everything is insurmountable. I now know, that I could never go back to a job like I had with so much stress and pressure. These are the triggers that made me act so irresponsibly and irrationaly. The anger and tension i had in me is now mostly gone...I still battle with the urge to be unfaithful to my wife in spite of the fact that i am deeply in love with her. I have been sexually sober for the last 4 years and hopefully will remain that way for a long time.

I apologize for the long post and the rambling...I was on a roll...LOL

Dan


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#191354 - 11/13/07 11:48 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: DanM]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
I suffer with PTSD.

One job assignment I do just flares it up real bad.

I was granted a resonable accomidation under ADA law (American Disabilities ACT) and no longer have to do this particular assignment. Life at work is good.

I have DID aka MP and that helps me a lot at work in that different sides (parts) of me helps maintain stability in various work situations.

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#191513 - 11/15/07 01:51 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
jach1 Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/12/07
Posts: 8
Loc: Colorado
I had a history of not liking to be criticized by my boss. I always wanted to be the best at what I did and didn't like being told that I had screwed up. My therapist says that such a reaction is due to the inadequacy feelings brought on by the childhood abuse. In my adult I was able to gain a lot of self-confidence by trying things and usually being successful, but my teenage years were tough. I still lack the sel-confidence that I would like to have, but I keep reminding myself that my sense of self-worth is not due to how I appear to the world, but to how I feel inside.

_________________________
jach1

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#191556 - 11/15/07 09:30 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
Pete2004 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/04
Posts: 958
Loc: North Carolina
Getting back to the thread:

I find that I have a terrible time remembering names of people to which I am being introduced. I could draw a picture of them, but don't ask me what their names were. In my work, I have to meet lots of people in meetings, receptions, etc and the only thing that works well for me are name tags. It is really strange, but it is almost like I don't hear the name. I am so focused on what I am going to say and how I am going to come across, the name just doesn't register.

I also have trouble talking with men about non-work subjects. It is much easier for me to make small talk with women, I guess because I am either not in competition with them or I am not putting up defenses. Who knows! Now I am wondering if I have the same trouble with women's names as I do men...... Something to think about.

Peter

_________________________
There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
No one goes his way alone;
What we send into the lives of others,
comes back into our own. (Edwin Markham)

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#191558 - 11/15/07 09:39 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Pete2004]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
charlie, i have issues with names too. i actually take polaroids of people and write their names on the bottom and hang them by my desk or phone list until i know them.


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#191573 - 11/16/07 08:10 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Charlie,

That is very interesting about forgetting peoples names. I have been plagued by that for ever. I can meet them one minute and the next I have already forgotten their name. Do you know if this associated with CSA or PTSD?

Dan


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#191575 - 11/16/07 08:33 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: DanM]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Dan,

I suppose forgeting names can be connected to CSA or PTSD. However, my wife has this problem too, and she was not abused or traumatized.

Take care,
Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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