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#191156 - 11/12/07 03:14 PM Effects of CSA on Work Lives??
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I went to the Conference in New York last month and I was really excited to go to this one session entitled "Working thru it: The impact of Sexual Abuse on the work lives of Male Survivors". Of course as luck would have it, it was canceled at the last minute because the presenter had some issues with his travel plans.

So even though its not scientific research, maybe we would discuss how we think the abuse impacts our work lives.

For me, I have lots of trouble remembering stuff like where the stapler is. "You've worked here how long and you still don't know where the screwdrivers are?". Also among them is doing stuff like this, going on the internet when there is work to be done, have trouble making phone calls to customers whenever I need to I always hope that I'll get an answering machine (or voicemail if its a cell phone), not really a good salesmen either, if it doesn't sell itself, its a lost cause LOL.

So what things do you have trouble with at work?

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#191157 - 11/12/07 03:20 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Wow, JTT --

That's my work life exactly! I'd add "putting on a good productive front and feeling like a complete fraud." Even though I actually do get the job done well, in my own way.

I work in short intense bursts when I can concentrate, and when my brain is completely shut down or depressed or dissociated, I just hope nobody notices. I know it all evens out in the end, and I do fine, but I also know there are jobs I can never do...like the meetings-all-day kind of management job.

I used to laugh it off and say it's just me--I've been that way ever since I was a child. But then, I've been a survivor ever since I was a child, too.

Actually, I'm sick of being the absent-minded professor type!

David


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#191162 - 11/12/07 03:38 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: MemoryVault]
midnight51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/03
Posts: 133
Loc: Cleveland, Ohio
I have problems working peroid. It starts to feel like I'm throwing stones at a mountain. I lose focus and go inward and start to bottle things up. I get stressed and anything can happen. Often I take it out on someone else or if nothing feels appropriate I let it pass through me and lose part of myself in the process...

_________________________
http://midnight61.blogspot.com/

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#191168 - 11/12/07 03:52 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: midnight51]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i am really good at leaving my problems at the door. when im at work, im focused and i do my job. when i leave, its when i can resume the humdrums of recovery. there is a guy at work who has family problems. (his kids are nightmares.) anyway, my boss asked the rest of us to cut him some slack because of problems at home. this is not okay with me. check your baggage at the door. i don't want to be "that guy" who only puts in 10% and expects everyone to forgive him because his homelife sucks. that in itself, makes me work harder and more focused.


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#191170 - 11/12/07 04:09 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
Because of my csa problems i lost my job and now have been signed off work with depression. I tried to just carry on as normal and do my job, but it became impossible for me to hold down a job. Sorry if this makes me weak, but most of the time i can barely function.
I tried so hard to be just normal and keep my job and life on an even keel, but because of my past it became impossible for me to keep my job, and my life is falling to bits around me.


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#191171 - 11/12/07 04:17 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Seven,
I think it's very hard for people who have NOT struggled with depression to understand just how debilitating depression can be.

No, I don't think this makes one weak.

Here's hoping you'll feel better.

Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#191186 - 11/12/07 05:17 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Gerald2007]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I am like most of you guys here. I just can't "check my baggage at the door". Guess I must be weak. Those that can, good for them, but am not like that. I'm just glad that I work mostly by myself, so If I wanna cry I can. Putting on a Happy Face is not always easy.
Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#191188 - 11/12/07 05:43 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: KENKEN]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i never said it was easy. only that it is possible.


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#191189 - 11/12/07 05:49 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: Jarrad
anyway, my boss asked the rest of us to cut him some slack because of problems at home. this is not okay with me.

I'm confused - which is not okay with you? That the boss asked everyone to cut the guy some slack? Or for you to not "check your baggage at the door"?

Just trying to understand. \:\)

M


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#191191 - 11/12/07 05:57 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11111
Loc: Denver, CO
I think it also depends a lot on the type of baggage. Sometimes, yes, baggage can be checked at the door and left there. Other times, it's not so easy to do, or downright difficult-to-impossible. One day it may be easy, then a week later after some ground-breaking therapy that brought up a bunch of muck, it may be harder for a week.

I may not have DID, but maybe someone else does, and therefore I should reserve my judgments since I do not fully grasp what they have to bear. Or maybe I have PTSD from the abuse and they don't, and should reserve their judgments of me.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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