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#191142 - 11/12/07 01:29 PM Relapsing...
midnight51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/03
Posts: 132
I dropped out of college in 2004 because my life had taken a downard spiral into complete destruction. I got drunk every day and got into drugs for what seemed like 2 years. I fell into the deepest pit of despair that you can imagine. I was there.. at the bottom looking up into a world that seemed on fire.

Since I came home I've been trying to hold down a steady job but it hasn't worked so far. I get so far in and fall apart forget where I've been and crawl back down into my hole where things made sense. But it's not making sense anymore... I'm at the bottom again and I see myself lying there curled into a ball waiting for a release but it's nowhere to be found and I keep reaching but I can never get to it.

I've been drinking a lot of liquor and it's really starting to mess up my life... I don't have a job I sit here in my room all day and night.. sleep until 11am the next morning where I come to my senses and prepare to do it the next day... I can't drink anymore I've fallen back into my former self... something I never thought could be possible but it's happened and it's so surreal to me that this could be happening. I reach for the drink again to make it dissapear but after I sober up everything is darker and more disoriented. My family looks at me like I'm a complete waste I cant do this anymore...

_________________________
http://midnight61.blogspot.com/

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#191145 - 11/12/07 01:47 PM Re: Relapsing... [Re: midnight51]
tenyrsafter Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/05/07
Posts: 9
Loc: SC USA
Midnight51,
I've been there and done that, got the T-shirt and wore it out.
I hope that you find the love and support you need here, I have, but I am praying for you to see a reason for a change that could bring you out of the hole you find yourself in. Please seek help because I have found a family here related by spirit if not blood. I do not want to loose any of my new brothers I have found here,be strong and reach out I ask you for my selfish sake, but I ask nonetheless.
May you find peace solace and love of self.
Jeff
AKA tenyrsafter
AKA hopin4help


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#191148 - 11/12/07 02:06 PM Re: Relapsing... [Re: tenyrsafter]
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
I think a lot of us here have some kind of addiction. The only way out is to say it to a counselor, AA, some type of 12-step program--something that gets it out in the open. I'm addicted to porn and sex. It's a crutch I use when I must have a way out. Unfortunately, it sticks me at this level of emotional knowledge I had when I started the addiction. I got a counselor again, and I went in there and told her the whole ugliness of it, and that I must stop. I've been clean since the first week of September. Oh, I've come close. I've had some rough patches. But now if I want a life, I must talk out the pain instead of fixing it with a drug, no matter what that drug may be.

We're with you. It is possible to begin again. But none of us can do it alone. The addiction is too big.

Take care of yourself. There is hope.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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