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#191086 - 11/12/07 12:49 AM This is my story, such as it is.
tenyrsafter Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/05/07
Posts: 9
Loc: SC USA
I am new here, only a week so far.
Ten years ago, I had been married for 6 years and was running a commercial grouper fishing boat in the gulf of mexico. I would normally be gone to sea for 18 days at a time, but we, my mate and I had been run into port because of a tropical storm which theatened to become a hurricane, after only being out for four days. When I got into port it was about 9pm so we tied up the boat and grabbed our gear to go home and surprise our wives,which usually made for some pretty passionate times spent together.
I lived only a couple of blocks from the marina so I decided to walk home from there, in retrospect, I wish I had called home first.As I approached the front door I heard the sound of Barry White's smooth, seductive music playing on the house stereo. So I walked up to the door, slipped my key in the lock and turned it,not realizing that my entier world, no existence was about to change.
I walked inside and the lights were on, but no sign of my wife, so I continue down the hallway and can see a light on in the bedroom. As I approach the door I see my wife lying on the bed and a hand slowly stroking her leg through the crack formed between the door and the doorframe. My heartrate had already begun to rise and I notice a feeling of fire growing in my chest with each and every breath. Starting to visibly trimble, I reach out to the doorknob, and ever so slowly and careful, not to make any sound, I push the door open to see a woman lying nude with the woman I have trusted implicitly and given my love to.I immediately yelled "What the hell is going on here?" the womanI didn't know said "what the F*** is HE doing here?" and they both made an effort to cover themselves. My head was spinning seems like an understatement, but I remember feeling physically sick at this point. My wife told me ro go into the livingroom and she would be right out, for some reason I did as she said. In about two minutes they both came into the room and Jonnie, my wife, said that she had met Beth,the one I didn't know a few weeks ago, and that she had fallen in love with her. I thought the world was collapsing in on me and it became hard to breath. This is when the other woman told me i should just get out and stay out, so I said "bitch this is my house my wife and you need to get out and die." She got up of the chair she had sat down in and came towards me with her fist drawn back and said she would "knock me out", so I stood up and being six feet four inches and two hundred ten pounds told her to go ahead and give me another reason. My wife interveened by telling her friend to go home and said she would call her later, so she left.
At this piont my wife and I begin to talk about what had just occured and I tryed to understand why, but it was beyond my comprehension, as we talked she told me I should go stay at a hotel for the night. I left and went straight to a bar where I proceeded to drink eleven shots of Jose Cuervo, now we all know that this cleared the thoughts in my head, enough to be able to go home and talk sense into my wife. So here I left and went back to my house, went in and told her that this was a bunch of crap and that it would stop this instant. Well to say tat it went badly is a little bit of an untruth, in fact she slapped me acouple of times and I screamed at her and she hit me eith her fists so I retaliatated in kind. By this time the next thing I know there are blue lights flashing outside the front windows and there is a loud knock on the front door. Now the door is opened and two of Pinellas Counties Finest come in and tell me that I'm being arresyed for Domestic Violence and they pepper spray my eyes, Handcuff me and take me out the front door. Just outside the front door there are five steps down to the ground level, and officer friendly looses his grip on my arm and I end up on the ground with a gash in my forehead that is spurting blood everywhere.So into the rear seat of a police cruiser I go and we are off to the emergency room for X-Rays and some stitches.
After officer friendly gets the medical situation taken care of we are off to the jail,where I'm booked and put into a cell to sleep it off.It is July fourth weekend so the place is sporting a full house, my cell has three people already and I make it four, with only one cot for everyone. I take a seat against one wall and lean as comfortably as I can wishing that I could see more than just shapes, but the pepper spray has worked quite well and shapes seem vague at best. As i try to get a little bit of rest and absorbe what has happened to me over the past two and a half hours I miraculously begin t feel sleeepy so I curl up i
n the fetal position semi covered by the bottom of the one and only cot, there I drift off to sleep, wondering if my life has ended because the one person in the state that I loved has decided to jump to the other side of the sexual preference fence.
I don't know how long I had been sleeping there on the floor before I become aware that something is around my neck and I can't breath. The next thing I am aware of is that someone has both of my hands and is holding me down on my stomach. I am starting to pass out from oxygen starvation but I can feel my oants a being pulled down below my knees. I struggle but my hands are being held securely and whatever is around my neck keeps me from breathing except for occasionally getting a partial gasp or two. Next thing I feel is like a blade cutting into me, but it plunges in and out repeatedly and I soonfigure out that I am being RAPED!!! I pray silently that it will stop,but no it goes on. After what seemed like an eternity it does stop and I hear the bastard move away from my naked rear, only to hear another voice saying "hurry up I want in on tha too". Then I feel th grip on my lft hand loosen and then resume but stronger than before, and I realize that two of my assailants have switched places, and the thing around my neck tightens again so that I slip into the grayness of conciousnss. One more time I am aware of the sitching of places around me and a new smell of different breath over my shoulders.
When I finally do begin to get enough oxygen into my starved lungs their talking amungst themselves about the bitch will probably dream about this night for the rest of his life
, and they all laughas though it were a good joke told in the setting of a party.
I lay semi alive and I am sure whimpering for God knows how long and somehow get my khaki shorts pulled up over my hips, but I feel as if my lower back has been broken into.I slide myself under the cot and put my back to the wall for the rest of my time in that cell.
Sometime after the sun began to lighten the small piece of sky that I could see, a guard came through the area, unlocking the door and ordering everyone out to a common area, I stayed under the cot, hiding from everything. A few minutes later a guard comes and looks in my ceel and sees me and ordered me to get up. As I crawl out frim uner the cot he asks me if I'm alright and says that I'm covered in blood and S**T. I told him what I could through tears and sobs, and this wiseass guard tells me to take a shower and see if that makes me feel better,so he shows me to an area that has about ten shower heads and gets me a towel, then leaves me for five minutes or so. When he returned I tell him I want to press charges against my attackers, but he says they have already been taken away for an appearance before a magistrate, and they had so many arrests last night there is no way of knowing what prisoner was in what cell, so I was "out of luck", I ask for some one in charge and told me that the seargent was gone to breakfast and wont be back for a couple of hours, but if I want to wait to see him I wont be able to be areigned until tomorow or I could go ahead and see a magistrate and go home today. So I opt to see a magistrate and am released to go home and await notification from the clerk of court as to when I would go to trial.
After getting out I walk back the five miles to where my car is and called my mother in South Carolina, I told her what had happened to me, and said that I was coming home. I left Clearwater Florida that day and drove the twelve hours home stopping at rest areas and buying sanitary napkins out of womens bathrooms to put in the back of my pants for absorbing the blood still coming out of my rectum.
When I arrived at my mothers house she wanted the story and I told her everything, took a shower and she carried me to a doctor to be checked out. The doc said that the torn tissue would heal eventually and put me on antibiotics to fight infection. He also started testing for STDs that I went back for every two weeks to repeat on a biweekly basis for three months.
My mom called the jail and spoke with a seargent about what happened to me, and was told that because of the holiday traffic through the jail "it had been a madhouse and that he apologized but really couldnt do anything about it"and that records weren't kept as to who was in each cell, so prosicuting the perpetrators was impossible.
I sought counselling at the local Mental Health Center, but there was no counseling for rape victims who were men, that is for women only.
So I have dealt with this over the years by myself by redaing books and keeping it to myself, even my brother quit speaking to me when I told him, although he did ask me if I were gay now.
I'm having a hard time seeing through the tears so I'll stop for now.
Meanwhile I'm just HOPIN4HELP


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#191095 - 11/12/07 01:53 AM Re: This is my story, such as it is. [Re: tenyrsafter]
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
OMG - what a nightmare! I can't even begin to imagine what you went thru.

I know that it's frustrating to try and find counseling and support groups locally - I live in a large, metropolitan city and it took me over 25 embarrassing calls before I found a local support group for male survivors. At least you have found this site.

It is very important that you find a T who understands and deals with male survivors. There is a link on this site for therapists OR you can contact Ken Singer who may be able to refer you to someone in your area. Though the physical damage may have healed, the emotional scars are still there!

If you decide that you want to take legal action, it may be a decision that can help give you closure OR it may just bring up the memories all over again. You mentioned Pinellas County - so I don't know what the statute of limitations are in Florida. It is possible that you have legal recourse against the county. BUT, I'm not an attorney AND you alone could make such a huge decision as that.

But the bottom line is that you are here and you're asking for help. You are in the right place. Though each of our experiences are different, the pain and trauma is a common thread that bonds all of us. I hope that you do continue to find a T in addition to this group - it is so important for your emotional well-being and recovery.

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#191103 - 11/12/07 07:48 AM Re: This is my story, such as it is. [Re: sophiesdad]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
tenyrsafter,

First of all, welcome to MaleSurvivor. You will find a lot of support here and I'm glad you found us.

Your story makes me furious and I admire your resolve in trying to deal with it right away. As SD says, I think you have a case against the county at least. They can't just say, "Sorry, tough luck", and leave it at that. You were in their custody and they were responsible for your welfare and safety. I would check this out with an attorney.

But even more important, I hope you will look for a therapist who deals with male CSA issues. This traumatic episode will probably linger with you and hopefully with a good T you will be much more likely to get through this without further emotional setbacks.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#191120 - 11/12/07 09:45 AM Re: This is my story, such as it is. [Re: roadrunner]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Hey, glad to see you felt OK enough to post, i knew a guy who had similar happen to him, he just made the mistake of falling asleep in the wrong boxcar when he was hoboing... and i picked a bad day to skip school @ 12. I bet it's hard enough dealing w/ it and having people look at you like "yeah right" 'cause you're a big guy, but i can't believe your own brother was that stupid about it to say that... Don't worry, you won't find anything like that here, we know better, we are all brothers in spirit if not flesh, no raised eyebrows here, just outstretched hands. Welcome aboard!

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#191136 - 11/12/07 11:58 AM Re: This is my story, such as it is. [Re: dgoods]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
tenyrsafter,

Welcome to MS. I hope this site will help you.

I read your story. I am sad it happened to you. You are safe now.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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