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#190781 - 11/10/07 02:57 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: Jarrad]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I disagree, Jarrad. The question is, why is the 13 year old having sex? Is it to feel accepted? If that is the case, then the older child is still exerting a sort of power over the younger child, and the child could easily grow up to misconstrue that to mean something it doesn't.

Bryan

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#190812 - 11/10/07 07:03 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: Jarrad]
EGL Offline
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MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Originally Posted By: Jarrad
if you think back to when you were 13 or 14 you idolized the older people in your school. if one of them shows interest in you sexually, how many would say no? i wouldnt. is that abuse then? not at all.


That's the kind of thing I would expect to see on the NAMBLA web site. "It's o.k. as long as the kid doesn't object."

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#190817 - 11/10/07 08:13 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: EGL]
Jarrad Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
ummm actually EGL, it's taken from the point of view of a horny normal teenager. im sorry you can't see anyone else's viewpoint but your own. not everyon is as narrowminded. and don't put words in my mouth please. thanks.


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#190840 - 11/10/07 10:03 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: Jarrad]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
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Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I simply quoted you, Jarrad. You seem to have no understanding of what sexual abuse is. You think it is o.k. for a child to have sex, as long as it is within certain constraints. I don't. Therein is our difference.

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Eddie

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#190841 - 11/10/07 10:05 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: EGL]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
then don't call me a NAMBLA member. that's offensive.


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#190844 - 11/10/07 10:16 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: Jarrad]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Re-read my post. I didn't say you were a NAMBLA member. I said that what you posted is what I would expect to see there. Big difference. All done here with this one.

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#190866 - 11/10/07 11:02 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: EGL]
dannym Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
I think this is a tough question. I think the age is less important than the maturity level of the child as well as the relationship between the kids. I don't think kids should be having sex at 13, but as the father of two teenagers, I'm well aware that my opinion regarding ANYTHING is not valued at this point :).

I do have an interesting personal note. When I was in 7th grade, I had a huge crush on a ninth grader. I was in awe of this kid - he was so amazing. I fantasized about having sex with him and it was exciting and forbidden and scary and all the things any normal 13 year old would feel as he discovers his sexuality. But here's the catch. I was 13 fantasizing about having sex for the first time, but I had started having sex (oral) at the age of 6 and anal at the age of 8. Technically, I was 7 years past loosing my virginity, but that wasn't how I thought about it. What I did with my perps was mechanical and without emotion - like masterbating - what I was looking for was "love" or "lust" or something OTHER than what I had been doing for so long.

My point is that a child's perceptions are different depending on the circumstances, matuity level, etc.... so I don't think it can be that cut and dry.


Sorry... I tend to start writing and I think I loose the thread of the post, but that's just what came out.

And Jarrad, you are many things, my friend, but no one would ever accuse you of being a NAMBLA sympathizer... ever.

Dan

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#190988 - 11/11/07 04:01 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: Jarrad]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
genti,

I would agree with Brian. Power over a boy can EASILY be too much for him to have a chance to leave an abusive contact.

Besides, power can't be seen as it is by a boy. Power from one older person can't be seen as the tool to make the boy hurt and change his life.

In the situation that you described, the little you was able to clearly see the intentions of that older person. In other cases, boys just can't understand where they got. Pedophiles are known to be good at picking up a vulnerable and emotionally needy child, who is plainly unable to recognise the potential threat from the person that seems caring.

Otherwise, as in my case, power can be used in its worst form. I was raped. I was physically and sexually abused, and still I could not realize what I went through until I became much older. My mind simply could not "process" the fact that I experienced was brutal violation of my boundaries and my trust.

In a word, it depends on every case. 13 years of age is not the point to start from.

Please, continue with your questions here. Welcome.

Alexey



Edited by alexey (11/11/07 04:03 PM)
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#190989 - 11/11/07 04:20 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: dannym]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Guys,

In reference to the heated words above, we've watched flamefests erupt this way where each feels they are justified in making their points without any civility - the result was that the parties ultimately either realized they were excessive or felt they were a victim. Some even left MS because of the level of invective that was exchanged. Our hope is that this is not the beginning of another one of these. Please reflect on your needs here and where this may be going.

Please feel free to continue a civil discourse on the discussion at hand.

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#191011 - 11/11/07 05:51 PM Re: Age when you distinguish bad intentions! [Re: WalkingSouth]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6373
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
May I offer MY case as evidence in support of the rule? (The rule being: Children cannot consent to sex)

I was initially forcebly raped from age 7.5 to 10. What I did from 10-14 was what many would call "very active acting out." That is, I went looking for sex and had sex with numerous older boys and had a long twisted relationship with one perp for that entire period (he was 4 years older).

If you asked me in an interview at 14 "did I want it?" The answer would be "hell yes."

Let's complete the hypothetical interview and ask me today. The answer IS "hell NO...and I regret ever being in that situation."

So, now that the rational adult is seeing things from this sober perspective...who is responsible for all of that sex I was having? (notice I did not say "blame"...I said "responsible.")

Perps are perps.....right is right.....wrong is wrong. It was abuse NOT consent.

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