This seems to be a big issue for you these days; as I recall, you were talking about this last month and even earlier. I don't have a gay perspective to offer, but here's my two cents anyway.
It sounds in a way like you are "stuck at the starting line". I remember you saying once that you were getting dates but there was "no spark". Now you talk of trouble getting dates.
Although you haven't seen him in over 3 years the guy who abused you is still on your mind in a big way. You thought you had with him the loving caring relationship you were seeking, but that proved not to be the case. So now you wonder how you will ever be able to trust again, and what is a relationship if there is no trust?
Perhaps the answer is to take things in small steps. Take it slow and look for guys to connect with in places where the atmosphere isn't so highly charged with sexual expectations. And if a guy gets pushy and doesn't understand your need to proceed slowly, just let him go - he's not for you.
Maybe I'm wrong here. I keep getting told that "the scene is the scene", but I don't buy that. "The scene" has a hold over you only if you give it that control. I know plenty of gay men who want and need a stable loving relationship, just as you do. My bet is that such like-minded gay men will eventually find each other. It's just a matter of standing your ground and looking in places where guys like that are likely to be.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)