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#190913 - 11/11/07 07:39 AM canning my t ???????????
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
So some of you here know me------some dont----------i kinda come and go---------------from this place------------i need feedback---------------i got a new t-------------i was excited--------------she seemed to know what i was talking about-------------------well the last session----last friday-----------she askes me what i am doing thanksgiving day-------------i said nothing -probley sleep------------------she wants me to do a volantury thing-helping others--------------i wasnt to sure about this---------------------changes my routines ect-----------well she saids if i dont do what sghe saids----------------------then we can not continue to work together-------------so shje instilled fear in me-----------i must do this---------------so i said ok------------------------but now after thinking about this-----------------i dont like beeing threatened---------------i thought this recovery was about ones own pace-------------i have to take off work early to see her---------wich is costing me a 100 dollars a week-----------pluss i am paying her 325 a mounth------------------------------so this is a pretty good finanical lost---------------------------------i am thinking screw her-----------------i will just do trhings on my own---------------------this whole recovery stuff is bull shit anyways----------------i will never be like -quote--normal people-------------i just need to live with the hand i was dealt-------------------so any opinions will be appricated--------------thanks--steve


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#190915 - 11/11/07 07:46 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: sabata]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Steve,

This is not acceptable to me. If you can't learn to help yourself, which is what therapy is all about, then how can you be expected to help others?

Holidays are hard enough for guys like you and me the way it is. We don't need any added pressure.

Think hard about this. Perhaps you should do one more session with her. Ask her if she was serious, and if she was, ask for a referral.

You need a therapist, dude, but if a therapist is making this kind of a threat, that is overstepping a boundary. You also need your boundaries.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#190916 - 11/11/07 07:53 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: BJK]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
Thanks-Bryan------------she kinda indicated she wanted to see how my reaction would be after this--like if i had feelings--------------being around other people--------------i dont know -she just seems to pushy-----------------i feel if i feel ok with something-so be it----------but if i dont feel ok-----------let it rest-----------move on-----------i dont like being pressured------------------------steve


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#190918 - 11/11/07 08:01 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: sabata]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
not sure if i need a t or not------------maybe just go it alone-------------------i do everything else alone---------------why cant i get cancer or some disease---------to just get it over with-------------


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#190922 - 11/11/07 09:52 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: sabata]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
maybe a little nudging to get out and socialize would be reasonable, but scare tactics and "tough-love" therapy w/ a survivor seem pretty stupid to me. not all t's are that confrontational, she sounds pretty expensive for that quality of therapy; can her, write a letter to whatever clinic she's part of (if not a solo flier), and find a new one... if you feel so despairing you actually imagine a terminal illness on top of everything else would be a good thing, "going it alone" would NOT be something i could endorse responsibly. \:\( Get mad, get noisy, but get another (cheaper) t if you can, please! i've not seen a post from you before that sounded so bleak (at least any you've made in the last month or so). It's hard to feel right about anything if the only person you talk to most every day is yourself... (trust me on this). i hope you have a better tomorrow, even if today stinks..
(((steve)))

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#190924 - 11/11/07 10:32 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: dgoods]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Yeah, I'd have to agree that her tactics are a little overboard. If she thinks that this is going to work then I doubt she knows much about survivors, being forced to do things is what got us here in the first place. So I think you should try to find a new therapist. I don't know what part of Texas your in but if you are in the Dallas area, there is a therapist on the Male Survivor list, Monique Thompson in Flower Mound. If you not in this area I would recommend you contact her and she if she can give you a lead to someone or some agency in your area. I know Texas is a big state but it can't hurt to try.

Going it alone, I don't think is a good idea. Regardless, I think continuing to talk to us here is.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#190925 - 11/11/07 10:33 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: dgoods]
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
You should talk to her and tell how what she said made you feel. She may have been trying to get you too widen your circle and is unaware of how it effected you. As with any relationship open and honest talk is the key. If she has a "Im the pro here not you" kind of reply then yeah kick her to the curb and move on. Have you read the guide to shoping for a T on here? It sure helped me a lot.

Best of luck you man.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#190928 - 11/11/07 10:46 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: dgoods]
Darren Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 120
Loc: The High Seas
Hi Steve -- I remember you from your comments to my first post. Thanks to you and others on here I had the courage to seek my own therapy.

Wow! Your therapist sounds scary. It also sounds unethical to give a client an ultimatum like that. You're right to feel uncomfortable about it. Therapy is about helping YOU not about having you help others, isn't it? (Just a shot in the dark, but is your therapist associated with a religious group?) Remember, you're in control. I would want to be looking for a new therapist right away. That ultimatum is a big red flag for me.

I hope all goes well!

Take care, Darren

_________________________
“Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates” -Mark Twain

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#190933 - 11/11/07 11:22 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: Darren]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Steve?

I think that what Bryan told you, as far as needing to be able to help yourself first, before you can help others, is an important thing to consider, but I'm going to ask you to consider one other thing before you ditch her. And that is this:

Sometimes, in order to change or improve ourselves, we need to leave our "comfort zones".

Let me give you an example in my life that involves leaving my comfort zone. I recently visited a cousin of mine and his family. http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=188287&page=4#Post188287

When I was talking with his wife in the kitchen, she hinted at the notion of visiting me with some of the kids to check out the new place where I live. I didn't say no, but I didn't say yes, I instead discreetly changed the subject. Why did I do this? Because frankly, I am embarrassed by my "black sheep" status in my family. I'm an underachiever, I seldom leave the house, I'm not involved in any community activities, I have no intimate relationships with anyone, and whatever goals I've set for myself have yet to materialize. In short, I don't think very highly of myself, so why would I want her kids to be exposed to my lifestyle? But, having said this, nothing would be more fun than having James or Peter over and hooking up a LAN party to play Star Wars, Empire at War. I think I would actually enjoy having some of my younger relatives over and have some fun, but I just can't get myself to invite them over. So here I am, stuck in this "comfort zone", but am I really happy the way things are with me? Not really. So how do I change that? I'm going to have to take a chance (gasp!!!!) and leave my CZ.


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#190936 - 11/11/07 11:34 AM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: Hauser]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
yea my comfort zone-----------i like it------not sure if i am ready to leave it------------and wehen i do it will be at my choice------------------this lady is-the one listed here-----------------monique thompson----------------not sure what i will do next-------------need to think on this-----------------maybe if she had suggested this earlier-to give me time to digueast it--it wouldnt bother me so much---------------------but what botheres me the most is--------------the threat------------------if you dont do this then maybe we cant work together------------------------------------------thanks guys for your input---------------------------steve


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#190959 - 11/11/07 01:01 PM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Steve,

While I guess there is more to the story than what appears in your summary, I think she has crossed an important line in threatening a termination of your therapist/client relationship unless you do one particular thing over Thanksgiving - just because she demands it. That kind of "my way or the highway" thinking has nothing to do with therapy.

And in any case, is she forgetting who is working for whom? Yep, I would walk away from this T, but not from therapy itself. Perhaps see who else you can a bit after the holiday.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#190961 - 11/11/07 01:19 PM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: sabata]
Darren Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 120
Loc: The High Seas
Steve, I looked at your Therapist's website. Red flags for me were her affiliation with Dallas Baptist University and the American Association of Christian Counselors. I don't mean to get a reputation as a religion basher on the board, but I was a born-again Christian and a member of the Baptist church so I think I have some experience here I can talk about. It sounds like she is pushing church teachings in her counseling sessions with you. It sounds straight out of a bible study. "Help those less fortunate than yourself" is a theme that runs deep in this church. But religious teachings have no place in counseling. I'm sorry if I've offended you or anyone else on the board by saying this, but I think you should get therapy from someone not associated with a religious group. Even if you are religious. I just know these people have a hidden agenda (sometimes not so hidden) so be careful.



Edited by Darren (11/11/07 01:22 PM)
_________________________
“Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates” -Mark Twain

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#190979 - 11/11/07 02:54 PM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: Darren]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
yea-my last t----------was relogious connected---------he even brought god into my sessions-----------------saying i could not be helped unless i accept god and go to church------------so i left him-------this one seemes to be to pushy--------------------------------thanks for the replys----------------i have mycircle meeting tonight---------------will throw it out there-for responses--------------------steve


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#190980 - 11/11/07 02:55 PM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Steve,

Raising this in your circle is a great idea. I'm sure you will get some useful feedback.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#190983 - 11/11/07 03:29 PM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: roadrunner]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Steve,

I think you shoud tell her about what you feel after her insisting on this.

Tell her everything that you can and watch for red flag.

If a therapist becomes more than just a trusted partner in healing, then what would a client is about to be?

Mine is good. However, she told me she would like to write an artile with her - after 3 or 5 years in the future. So, it made feel good at the time, but after giving it a thought I decided that ifshe ever would bring up that question I would make her know I am not going to becone a co-authir with her. I work with a therpist, not a fellow researcher.

The next session went without her mentinoning it. She seems understanding and I think she is above an "average" line of therapist skill. That is the reason I will come to see her the next time.

Tak to her. Trust your gut feeling. Therapist's work is being a TRUSTED PARTNER in healing.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#191025 - 11/11/07 06:52 PM Re: canning my t ??????????? [Re: sabata]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
Steve,

Cannnnnn her.

Give it a shot doing it on your own, but look into this other lady in the meantime as a back-up plan if things get rough on your own.

Take Care, Jim

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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