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#190795 - 11/10/07 04:45 PM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: easterneurope]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: easterneurope
My old counselor helped me realize that I wasn't an ANGRY man, I was a SCARED a man who was very angry about it. Make sense??


Yes. Definitely.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#190800 - 11/10/07 05:08 PM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: BJK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
makes tons of sense ee.

Another guy I know pounds nails into a stump of wood. He swore by it.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#190819 - 11/10/07 08:17 PM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: mogigo]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
coop-
I was looking at jail time for my lack of control over a decade ago, i did put my hands on somebody, and though i'm no giant i hurt someone very badly. The key to anger management is realizing how many times in our past we have felt anger and were powerless to express it, we need to recognize when we start feeling that inner build-up, and find a way of expressing it before it becomes explosive; when we do something like punch a wall or a window, or smash a phone or TV, we feel so stupid and ashamed it feeds the negative cycle of trying to suppress anger completely, we learn unconsciously that ANY anger is too scary to allow out there at all, which is never true. It is far better to be respected than feared, and anger expressed normally can be respected- but if you've been saving up months of resentment from presupposing saying something would be pointless, and then explode out of nowhere, people will just be confused and scared.
Think of all the murder/suicide stories that are in the news, do those people have histories showing good communication skills? Of course not, they usually tend to be people who bottled everything up and isolated themselves mentally, until eventually the dam broke, and madness and death resulted. Don't let shame be the death of you, and pin down exactly the who, what, where, why, and how of your anger right when you notice "i'm angry".
Hope this helps, my thanks to "Dottie" wherever she is now for these lessons, the traffic light analogy was awesome too \:\)

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#191003 - 11/11/07 05:29 PM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: RICK57]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Rik, I am replying to you in this thread, as I have not read the original post, but you are not the only one who is restrained by the judiciary of this country.

They tell the kids to report abuse, but then its a legal nightmare for the kids involved, in the present, or on representation of past abuse which calls for so much more involvement of the legal process.

Do we tell the kids not to report it? No we don't, because we don't have to, society tells kids not to report it, by not prosecuting abusers through loopholes, or needing exact dates etc.

Is this any different in the circumstances that kept us quiet as kids?
NO! I reported my abuse as a kid, and was seen as some pervy kid at the time, so that is what really kept me quiet.

If I was treated as a hurt child, it would have been different, but there was nowhere to turn, and that made me feel it was somehow my own fault.

Society is all for stiff penalties for CSA, but it is so hard to prove a case, when you can be seen as complicit with what happened to you.

Let's face it, society wonders why? You did not tell.
But society does not realise the trauma an abused kid goes through, but it does make us stronger, even if we really want to feel weak sometimes!

I am guessing yr abuser has moved by now?
He will be judged when he dies, and you can dance on his grave,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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