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#190765 - 11/10/07 12:42 PM I could not have been the only one
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
His "technique" for probing my boundaries was too refined, too methodical, and flawless. He knew exactly what to do, how far to go, and what to say to me as he was doing it. He had the entire playbook pre-read before he got to me.

I REALLY want to find other victims of him. I REALLY think I could find some sense of closure with finding other survivors. But.......my dilemma is how to go about it. I've CONSIDERED buying an advertisement in the local newspaper of the town in which "it" happened. I will bring this up with my T for sure.

But, even though my perp is now dead , there are the legal issues to consider, such as defamation of character of his surviving family members, etc. Who knows?

I just really honestly believe that I could find healing in the finding of another survivor of this perp.


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#190842 - 11/10/07 10:06 PM Re: I could not have been the only one [Re: Hauser]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alan,

I think this could indeed help you. After all, one of the huge burdens for the abused boy is that feeling of being all alone.

But at the same time I would certainly run this by your T. For one thing, if you take out an ad you might get no responses at all, which would not necessarily mean there were no other victims, or you might be flooded by responses from guys who don't know exactly who you mean.

That could be cleared up by naming the perp, but again, check with your T. You could end up in legal troubles if you "out" a perp who was never convicted.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#190843 - 11/10/07 10:11 PM Re: I could not have been the only one [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Alan,

I wanted to reply separately on the "technique" part of your problem. Please don't blame yourself for falling for all the crap the abuser told you. Remember that he was older and that you were just a boy.

That is, try to avoid judging or blaming yourself for not seeing, as a scared kid, points that are clear to you now as an adult. Many of us fall into that trap at one point or another, but it's like an adult engineer blaming a child for not being able to see the solutions to complex construction problems the way the adult can.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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