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#190441 - 11/08/07 09:51 AM flashes of anger/rage
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I have no idea how much control my rage can have over me at times almost to the point i want to fuckin hurt people.I don't want to hear about "it's a choice" i make when i am angry i vehemenantly disagree.

I am so sick of people who are incompetent who act as though it's your fault when they can't do their job(s) yet they further act like i have no right to question them.

This morning i got so angry i wanted to climb through the phone,not to mention i threw my coffee across the parking lot because i couldn't breath and catch my breath and be patient.


The short fuse i have is getting shorter and shorter the longer i'm sober,although i dont think or want a drink.

This emotion is draining me,i have no control and i sweat profusely when i reach such levels of rage.

Is it normal

Is it something i can maintain as i move torward the anger around the abuse

Am i just someone who must accept the fact i get angry


Do you think it's possible it's more then simply "anger/rage as a redult of not getting my way


How do i breath deep enough to control the very thing i want to do....scream

It's so drianing it's almoost like i "blackout" and lose all factors of time to settle(if you will)


I'm very aware of how unhealthy it is to get so angry i have body re-actions

PTSD and it's symptoms...ie anger,rage,irritability and lack of control over my emotions


I go from being ok right to anger and i'm now feeling it...

Chest pain,loss of breath,shaking,confrontational,...etc etc....i can't deal with this pressure cooker inside of me much longer and i hope i don't resort to putting my hands on someone because i'm really afraid of what i'm capable of,although i never know what i might do next.....any help or suggestions would be nice..


Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#190451 - 11/08/07 11:19 AM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: thecoopstah]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
These were some examples given in our group about why our anger becomes explosive.

1) Not expressing emotions comes through as anger
2) Not acknowledging you’re anger
3) Anger is a mask for other emotions
4) Anger can be a reaction as opposed to a response
5) Internalized anger = depression, anxiety
6) Internalized anger can turn somatic, e.g.: body pain, injury


Not sure if there is any help in there for you but I just thought I'd pass it on.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#190452 - 11/08/07 11:30 AM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: mogigo]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Thank you very much for your help and yes any suggestions at this point is better then none at all.

I can however tell you i am far away so much better letting go and feeling better alot faster then i have in the past because i know how intense i can be and the somatic pain i feel is real hard.

Coop

PS: is it normal to actually profusely sweat when "one" becomes angry or is everyone different....??

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#190453 - 11/08/07 11:41 AM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: thecoopstah]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Hey Coop,

I know what you are saying I can't even count how many telephones that fell victim to my rage. I can tell you that one phone handset went through the wall after making a boom as it crossed the sound barrier!!! I tend to keep a cap on the worst part of my rage contained when I am face to face arguing with someone but if someone I'm arguing with on the phone hangs up on me then it ends with a trip to wally world to buy a new phone.

Now for an important question do you feel better after a rapid outbreak of rage or does the rage stay with you for a while after you do something like throwing your coffee across the parking lot.

For me I feel like my adrenaline goes through the roof in a instant but once released I feel much better. Sometimes some controlled breathing will help me keep a cap on things till I can get to a place where I can safely let out that negative energy. This takes more than just taking a deep breath. You have to visualize that you are inhaling positive energy and exhaling negative energy.

Next is to find a safe place and way to release that rage. Punching bags work well(very well if you have a picture of who ticked you off in the first place and some tape) But any way to give you a safe physical outlet to unload that rage.


Now you might try to do some anger maintenance. Find something to do a few times a week to let out the anger that comes with day to day life before it builds up. If you are already full of pent up rage then something happens that adds a lot of rage quickly then you end up over the breaking point. That means you are much more likely to unload all at once right on the spot.

I forget if you have a T or not but if you do you should talk to them. If not and the steps above don't help then you might see if there are any groups in your area that teach anger management.

Coop in some aspects of rage we do have a choice. we can try to avoid things that might set us off. We can also work on keeping ourselves from letting things build up to the breaking point. Case in point you mention a pressure cooker. We use pressure cookers all the time and rarely have a problem with them. But if we fail to maintain them and the release vent gets clogged or a worn out gasket fails then it becomes dangerous.

But that is not to say that all aspects of anger and rage is something we have a choice over. But we do have a choice in how we react to it and how long we carry it. With all that said I won't promise that all the phones in my house are safe but my razr cell has lasted a year now. \:\)

Give some of this a try to take care my friend.

brokensoul.


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#190454 - 11/08/07 11:43 AM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: thecoopstah]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
From the discussion in group it seemed to be that so many things contributed to the point that it felt so uncontrollable when we finally did get angry. The main one being that we were all afraid of our anger so when it finally came out it was a reaction not a response. Just learning to be angry when we are will lower the explosiveness of it. Also that fighting the other emotions that we have then gets turned into anger which is a perfectly acceptible emotion for men. And finally that anger we have outwardly turns into internalized anger because we're afraid to express it. All these things turn us into pressure cookers. We work so hard to contain it that it just builds.

Anger doesn't have to be a bad emotion, we can be angry and also be able to express it safely.

Just 2 cents Coop

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#190455 - 11/08/07 11:54 AM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: brokensoul]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Yes Coop, profusely sweating when one becomes inraged and your adrenaline gets tapped is normal. This is also can be a source of physical pain and increased heart rate when adrenaline gets released and is not used.


brokensoul


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#190495 - 11/08/07 07:14 PM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: brokensoul]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Coop - I'm still pissed off at the judiciary in this country, and the perv. There is little more I can do as far as they are concerned, I did everything I could.

I'm angry at that, so when someone else gives me reason to be angry, my adrenaline can shoot straight up the barometer (even if it takes time to show). I've realised that I have been misdirecting my anger, so am now more in control, because I recognise what I'm doing. Is it the same for you?

Best wishes ..Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#190523 - 11/08/07 09:41 PM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: RICK57]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
is what the same for me.....the anger in that i have more control now then in the past or is it i still struggle.....a little of both....i have my days where things are fine yet other days i am pretty out of it and want to unleash on some people therefore i can do this but am i willing to pay the consequences ....ABSOLUTELY NOT...

I hope you're aving better luck then i am it seems as though i lose at every turn when i get angry because i push push push until i either get my therefore confrotation or i stay quiet and let it go although letting it go is not east for me afterall if i let it go what do i have left ....essentially nothing. .....i think

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#190791 - 11/10/07 04:26 PM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: thecoopstah]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Coop,

Here are some ways I deal with anger:

I yell. This is difficult. I can't just yell for the sake of yelling, so I pick up a guitar and pretend I'm a metal singer. Yeah, it helps. A little.

I swear. A few private F-bombs can really lighten my mood.

Physical exertion. This is a hard one for me. I do NOT like to excercise, but this is probably the most helpful. A quick walk on a cold day is a great release for anger.

However, when you say that you sweat profusely when you are angry, it leads me to believe that there is more to it than just anger. I think the post that Mogigo is one that should be taken to heart. Yes, real anger is a real emotion that can be quite positive, but when anger is used to mask other emotions, it can become quite troublesome.

When I get angry, I try to rationalize the situation. What is it that lead to this feeling of anger? Sudden outbursts of anger are rarely real spur-of-the-moment anger. They are usually either a cumulation of pent up frustration or an inability to deal with something else.

Of course, the fact that I dissociated my anger for most of my life is a pretty good reason as to why I need to concentrate so hard on what is causing it.

I hope this helps.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#190792 - 11/10/07 04:31 PM Re: flashes of anger/rage [Re: BJK]
easterneurope Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 60
Loc: eastern europe
My old counselor helped me realize that I wasn't an ANGRY man, I was a SCARED a man who was very angry about it. Make sense??

_________________________


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