I think Erik's spot on here
But your wife's inquiries as to your not having told before seem futile, redundant and they only do harm. She ought to commend you for finally having told and not scold you.
however hard that might seem.
And it's probably going to take a lot to change that attitude, and in the end only we can effect change on ourselves. It's no use someone telling you what to do, we've got to want to change. And you're wife will be no different.
But change can be discussed, debated and encouraged.
And if you are well informed about what you want for both of you, the easier it's going to be.
Talk till you drop, explain and explain again but remember that the most important thing is empathy, we need it and so do others.
If you've gone through the trauma of testifying, and enough recovery to be where you are, you know the why's and wherefore's of SA, share that wealth of knowledge with her.