I find it helpful to consider the older sense of the word itself, which when examined does not contain malice, only absolute refusal; it was originally used as a less passive form of "abhor", closer to "shun" or "to disallow w/ extreme prejudice", than what its commonly understood meaning is today. Re-read the KJV Bible, or some Elizabethan works to get a better sense of this. Not trying to be "mr. language snob", but sometimes it helps to explore where our words come from, it helps me avoid confusing myself or others.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III