Is it time to move on? That question came up in my T session today.




Don't know what I think about that statement. I know he was just throwing it out there.

I think if I walked away now the PERPS win.

Tom

Hi, Tom --

I know I'm really grateful for all you've done in the circles and on the board, as well as the insights you've offered me, but you're allowed to look at your own needs first:

Is your work here costing you more than you're getting out of it, or vice versa? Is there another way to get more of what you need?

I don't know if it ought to be about the perps--they've had enough power over all of our lives. But what are you feeling about "moving on" now?

David

David

It realy not about this place. I get lots of help and the rewards from the healing circles are great. A very excellent return for the time I give.

I think my T was picking up on other feelings.

For the past 2 years I have been actice in advocating for equal healing opertunity for males. I think that we get short change by the system and women are 20 years ahead of us.

After the conference in New York City it seems our clause is hopless. No one give a dam about us. At least that is how I have been feeling. Think my T wanted me to look at thing from all directions.

Tom

Tom,
thanks for posting. I'm still pretty new around here, but from a few other survivor links i've checked out from other posts, i'd say there is both good and bad in the differences i saw, at least as far as online support. Though obviously MS has not been problem-free, i saw a lot more struggling to keep the focus on healing; those other sites may be far busier, but there was much more "mission creep"- also a mixed message of offering support for ANY SA survivor, yet obviously targeted toward women- all pictures, graphics, featured stories, etc. overwhelmingly female. I found it very off-putting, like the site owners had to grit their teeth and take down the "no boys allowed" sign, in order to be PC. If i wanted to feel guilty for being male, i could sit down and watch the Lifetime channel for a week straight. *sigh* i know i'm probably overreacting and generalizing, but dammit i'm tired of the media treating it like, "...oh, yeah, and a few men too." i've even tried signing up for one, just to see- what happened? the usual confirm thru email, ok, did that. oh, a moderator has to review it, oh ok, understandable. Hmm, now i can't even read public messages, like "guidelines for posting"-WTF? 2 days later- nada. "email the admin if there is a problem" ok, did that. another 2 days... nada. i guess it's agood thing i found MS first, my experiences w/ these people would have led me to say, "screw it, obviously 'men are bad' and that's that".
MS is the only chance i've got for being part of a greater community of survivors, professionals and F&F that knows how hard the struggle is for men, and isn't some flavor-of-the-month trendoid crap-based scam. Society doesn't want to hear about us?
Too damn bad. Let's not make the same mistakes as a group that so many of us have made individually- keeping silent, treading carefully, putting everyone else first, etc, etc. THAT DOESN'T WORK. Our lives are cold hard proof of this. Does reminding me that more girls than boys are sexually abused, or that far more men than women are abusers, help ANYTHING?
I refuse to "shush" when it comes to this...

There are many guys here who have been turned down from rape centers when they asked for help. I am suppose to go to the Womens Center to get help. When I walk in the door to see what programs they have for men I am told they have none. They get grant money from the state and under the law they must provide servives for us.

I could go on and on but it will only make me pissed.

Tom

Tom - I was going to say I understand how you feel, but we get that claptrap all the time right!

As you know I've been through the whole judicial process and had some sort of success with the end result. On another post I've stated how I saw the perv yesterday, and he looked miserable and pissed off (fine - the bastard should be locked up so that I can't see him).

Things don;t happen how we want them to.

In this country, we have this idea that all judges went to boarding school and messed about with other boy's, so they don't understand the problem. That view could appear to be realistic when you see the sentences pervs get. Man:boy - light sentence. Man:girl and everyone wants to bring back hanging.

I'd bring back hanging for either scenario.

I sometimes feel like giving up, but what I do now is e-mail the media if they step out of line, i.e., if they don't give a case enough prominance (stuck at the back of a newspaper when it should be at the front / when they disbelieve that a high profile person could be guilty of something like that etc. etc. etc ad nauseum).

However long it takes!

Best wishes ...Rik

Rick,

Let's not leave out Woman:boy - little or no sentence. Woman:girl - little sentence.

Andy

Sorry Andy - you're right of course.

There's a whole range of scenarios out there. I was just having tunnel vision.

I just hope that in the future, there is no need for this site.

I think we will all be extinct before then!

Best wishes ..Rik

Andy,

I imagine what your T is asking you to consider is whether you are using your resources (time and emotional energy) in the way that's best for your recovery.

I think only the survivor can answer that, but it is important to ask that question of ourselves. Quite often we tend to stick to what's familiar, rather than trying something new, even though that new option could be a very helpful one.

For me, for example, facilitating in the Healing Circles was an intimidating thought because I had no idea how I would do it or even whether I could do it. Now I'm very glad I took the chance and tried it - it really has been a growth experience for me.

Much love,
Larry

Tom,

It may interest you to know that http://www.raap.org does offer resources for men. I don't know the extent of those resources, or the ratio of help for women to men, but it was encouraging to see what I saw on this site.

Andy