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#189990 - 11/04/07 09:53 PM So I'm not sure what to say
Marinan Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 329
I just don't know how to say anything that makes sense. Sexual harm has been done. Terrible, creepy abuse. How can I do anything constructive with my time that acknowledges what ahs been done to me? My family can't find out that this has happened. I already tried to tell them something happened, but they told me I was making it up. Just, how can I stop the bleeding?


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#190056 - 11/05/07 04:49 PM Re: So I'm not sure what to say [Re: Marinan]
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
I don't know where you are in life, so I'm not sure if I'm saying the right thing. I'm convinced that no matter how destructive abuse is to us, it's the secret that hurts us the worst. My therapist said he once had a client who had been abused terribly, but his parents got him immediate help, counseling, and they supported him completely. That client had very few of the symptems we all have on this board. It's trying to hide the most emotionally-damaging event imaginable that forces us into hiding. We become alone.

That is what makes this place so helpful. We're finally not alone anymore. We can speak the unspeakable. We can say the things that hurt us so and find an entire brotherhood of guys who hurt that way, too.

Write as you're able. If you're still in danger somehow, tell someone. If it was in the past, and you feel up to it, tell us what you feel comfortable saying. It's bringing the truth out into the open and finding nothing but friendship and concern--that's what stops the bleeding.

Take care of yourself.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#190120 - 11/06/07 01:00 AM Re: So I'm not sure what to say [Re: ForeverFighting]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hello, Marinan. FF said a lot of what I was thinking, but I'd like to quote something he said that I think it real important.

Quote:
I'm convinced that no matter how destructive abuse is to us, it's the secret that hurts us the worst. ... It's trying to hide the most emotionally-damaging event imaginable that forces us into hiding. We become alone.


That hits it right there. Coming out of the years or decades of isolation from all this is difficult, but it can be done. Whether the abuse was decades ago or just weeks ago, the key is to talk about it when you're ready and able. And there's a lot of great guys here who will listen and understand you.

_________________________
Eddie

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#190122 - 11/06/07 01:20 AM Re: So I'm not sure what to say [Re: EGL]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
FF, I would like permission to use your quote "I'm convinced that no matter how destructive abuse is to us, it's the secret that hurts us the worst. ... " This is sooooo true

Half of my family will not talk to the others simply because of the secrets they keep inside their heads. If they only would talk about it, I know things would get better from there on.

So will yours Marian. I know it seems like things are hopeless at times, but keep on talking about it. Don't keep the secrets locked inside, it will do more damage.

You are strong because you are here talking about your problems with fellow survivors. You will make it, as we have.

Scotia


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#190277 - 11/06/07 11:04 PM Re: So I'm not sure what to say [Re: ForeverFighting]
MDATC Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 7
I just wanted to say reading this give me hope for my boyfriend. He recently told me that he was abused as a child (18 yrs ago) and I'm the first person he has told. I want to help him so he can start healing. He has kept this in for so long and its still eating him up and affecting our relationship. Any words of advice for me?


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#190288 - 11/07/07 01:10 AM Re: So I'm not sure what to say [Re: MDATC]
Marinan Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 329
If you are Christian, I can say, look to Jesus, have him help you.

If not, I can still say, listen to music, the power of music is great to move the human spirit. Or perhaps you can meditate.


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#190306 - 11/07/07 06:39 AM Re: So I'm not sure what to say [Re: Marinan]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Marinan,

You’ve taken a big step in telling us what you have. I hope you’ve already found comfort and support from the replies you’ve received already.

I want to encourage you to keep coming back, reading what posts you can and posting yourself as you’re able. It will help – greatly.


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