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#190173 - 11/06/07 11:13 AM maybe next time I'll do it
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Hey guys,
For the last week or so all I can do is think about the places my abuse occurred. I don't know why, but I have had this urge to go and visit these places. I went so far as to drive by one of the places, but when the time came, I couldn't bring myself to stop the car and get out. I don't know, maybe this is part of coming to terms with what happened. What do you think?

Scott


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#190238 - 11/06/07 04:41 PM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: BruisedSpirit]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Scott,

I did this in February of last year and it was very helpful to me. I posted about it on the Members side and put up some photos as well.

I would just say try to prepare yourself as much as possible and go with a safe person who knows your situation. I went with my sister Cathie and man, she was a lifesaver at a few points. The experience was very emotional for me, but it helped me enormously to see that what was evil was the abuser, not the church and scout cabin where things happened.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#190248 - 11/06/07 07:14 PM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: roadrunner]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
That's strange- i was thinking about the exact same thing today. I don't live far at all from the site of where my 1st abuse occurred, if i wanted to i could simply drive there and look- yet though i think of it, i am not ready to do it, i still turn away mentally at the thought of seeing that house again, or the spot where it was- i haven't been by it for years, i don't even know if it's still there. Paradoxes everywhere for us...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#190308 - 11/07/07 06:52 AM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: dgoods]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Scott,

Sounds like part of you is getting ready to work through another level. I think itís great you got as far as you did. In time, when youíre ready Iím sure youíll try again and Iím sure there will be healing and growth as a result.

I look forward to hearing about it when it happens. Take care.


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#190329 - 11/07/07 10:08 AM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: roadrunner]
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
Scott,

I did this in February of last year and it was very helpful to me. I posted about it on the Members side and put up some photos as well.

I would just say try to prepare yourself as much as possible and go with a safe person who knows your situation. I went with my sister Cathie and man, she was a lifesaver at a few points. The experience was very emotional for me, but it helped me enormously to see that what was evil was the abuser, not the church and scout cabin where things happened.

Much love,
Larry


Larry, if you don't mind answering, I'd like to know if yours was a planned visit or was it something you did on the spur-of-the-moment? ****EDIT- Larry I just read the your posts from last year....thank-you for telling me about it ****

The reason I ask is, although I had been thinking about these places, and wondering if I should go, I really did not plan on going when I did. It just sort of happened.

As you know, my GF is the only person around me to whom I have disclosed, and, because of this, I'm sure she would be willing to help me through the experience. She was in town for the weekend, and was with me in the car, but I don't think it would have been fair of me to just drop this on her without any warning.

Now, having gotten this close, I feel as if this is something I need to do. I'm thinking that when my GF is in town again this weekend I'll discuss this with her to find out how she feels about it.

Do you think this is a good plan? Any suggestions?

Thanks,

Scott







Edited by BruisedSpirit (11/07/07 02:04 PM)

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#190330 - 11/07/07 10:20 AM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: BruisedSpirit]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I did the same thing a couple of months ago. I had to deliver a wedding gift to an old friend's dad, and he still lives in that same house that was two doors down on the cul-de-sac after more than 30 years. I told him about the abuse and the abuser and he was shocked to hear it. He knew both of us very well, and one of his sons was actually good friends with the abuser. It feels good to vent the "real story" to those I grew up around.

I stood and stared at my house and my abuser's house with very mixed emotions. Everything sure looks smaller than I remember.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#190333 - 11/07/07 10:49 AM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: dgoods]
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: dgoods
That's strange- i was thinking about the exact same thing today. I don't live far at all from the site of where my 1st abuse occurred, if i wanted to i could simply drive there and look- yet though i think of it, i am not ready to do it, i still turn away mentally at the thought of seeing that house again, or the spot where it was- i haven't been by it for years, i don't even know if it's still there. Paradoxes everywhere for us...


dgoods,

Thanks for the reply. When I feel a certain way, or something happens and I want to write about it, I know logically that I can't be alone in how I feel. Unfortunately, part of me always feels like I'm crazy for thinking, or feeling, or doing things the way I do. So I find that there is something comforting in reading a post like yours. Sometimes I need confirmation that I'm not alone. Thanks.

Scott


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#190335 - 11/07/07 10:51 AM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: Grunty1967b]
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: Grunty1967b
Scott,

Sounds like part of you is getting ready to work through another level. I think itís great you got as far as you did. In time, when youíre ready Iím sure youíll try again and Iím sure there will be healing and growth as a result.

I look forward to hearing about it when it happens. Take care.


Grunty1976b,

Thanks for the words of support. I hope to be able to go through with this very soon. I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks again,

Scott


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#190336 - 11/07/07 10:53 AM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: cbfull]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Scott,
I went to see my brother to confront him three years ago. That didn't bring much satisfaction because he didn't really come back with much. So, a year later, I went to my childhood home, hoping to see my house where I grew up. To my shock, the house had been torn down. I drove up, in a cold, pouring rain, and there was a strange house sitting there where my house used to stand...kind of an odd metaphor for moving on I suppose? So, then, I drove over to the house where I was born. Got out of the car, went around back, in the rain, to the back yard where I used to play. They had built a garage that literally filled the tiny backyard. This guy was in the garage, doing some woodworking. He talked my ear off about his gun cabinets and stuff. Ruined it for me...not at all what I imagined what the experience would be.

I totally understand your thoughts about the places of your abuse. Now that I'm in deep therapy over my abuse and the resultant depression, I've been having tons of dreams about the now torn-down house, my parents, and the actual space where the abuse occured...the upstairs bedrooms where the five of us boys lived. It's totally weird.

And, yes...cbfull...everything WAS much smaller.

Hang tough.

Russ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#190338 - 11/07/07 10:59 AM Re: maybe next time I'll do it [Re: cbfull]
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: cbfull
I did the same thing a couple of months ago. I had to deliver a wedding gift to an old friend's dad, and he still lives in that same house that was two doors down on the cul-de-sac after more than 30 years. I told him about the abuse and the abuser and he was shocked to hear it. He knew both of us very well, and one of his sons was actually good friends with the abuser. It feels good to vent the "real story" to those I grew up around.

I stood and stared at my house and my abuser's house with very mixed emotions. Everything sure looks smaller than I remember.


Wow, cbfull, that is wonderful. That you could tell people you knew the truth about what happened must have felt great. I am so happy for you.

I'm not sure how it will go, but I can tell you as I sit here and type, the place still feels larger than life to me. In my mind I still feel like the 7yo boy who had to endure. I do hope that once I visit this place, I will be able to feel differently.

Scott



Edited by BruisedSpirit (11/07/07 10:59 AM)

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