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#190023 - 11/05/07 08:57 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: scotia1]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Larry,

I’ve never disclosed to anyone about my abuse other than my wife, My T and you guys here.

At times I think of how I might tell others and I think of a way in which to demonstrate the high rate of abuse and how it can touch anybody, anywhere.

I think of 1 in 6.

When I saw the topic “Putting faces to the numbers” I thought of 1 in 6. One in Six boys will be (or have been) abused by the age of 18.

That was me, you Larry and most every other male here at MS.

I work in a small team in an office. There are 6 of us. I’m the “one”.

I go to departmental meetings where there are many more people and I do a quick sum in my head on how many are present. Then I do the math and ponder the fact that there could be 5 or 6 victims in my midst.

This stirs me on to get better. To recover. To win.

It stirs me on to be an advocate to the best of my ability.

One in Six is too many. So is anything more than one.

Here’s to all of us!


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#190098 - 11/05/07 10:01 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: Leosha]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Leosha,

Originally Posted By: Leosha
Let the face in my avatar be one of those 'numbers'. My younger brother, who did not survive the abuses in our home.


I was thinking of your little brother when I started this thread and the image in your avatar is one I doubt I will ever forget. I wish there were words that could convey some sense of how I feel about your loss. You have heard this before, but I will just repeat it once again: I am so sorry.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#190104 - 11/05/07 10:21 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: roadrunner]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
(((((((Leshka)))))))


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#190106 - 11/05/07 10:53 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: FLRich]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
I can't help but read this thread and think of the face of one of the broken boys that was abused in the same shack out by the airport where my brother and I were.

He was a friend. We played guitars together. Hung out together in high school as well as in the evenings. I found out one day a year or so back while watching Oprah that he had gone over to the dark side. On the FBI's most wanted list. No one's seen or heard from him for several years.

I grieve for him. He didn't deserve what happened to him. He too was vulnerable due at least in part to being the child of his parent's old age. He made terrible choices after he grew up.

I guess my point is that each abused broken boy was once a boy with hopes and dreams and only longed to be cared for and loved. Some of us came from homes where that was available to us, but many more of us did not.

I admire the men that have the courage to come here and work together on healing. My hope is that we become a force for healing of others, each of us in our own way, of course, but more importantly because together we are strong and together we can make a difference in the greater world.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#190114 - 11/06/07 12:39 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: WalkingSouth]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi, John. That is so sad, man. Think of all the lost potential in that little boy. Just really sad.

_________________________
Eddie

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#190550 - 11/09/07 12:22 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
After I started this thread I was wondering about whether the 8 kids I know were abused by the man who got to me and my friend were actually just the tip of the iceberg. I found my answer in Josef Spiegel's "Sexual Abuse of Males" (2003), which is a superb handbook for professionals.

Spiegel draws a distinction between abusers who abuse within the home and those who are looking for victims out in the general public, like in youth clubs, Scout troops, churches, etc.

He says that the intrafamial abuser will abuse, on average, 1-2 victims. That is, he goes for the vulnerable kids in the family and that's it. The abuser who roams around in public, however, will abuse, on average, 150 boys.

So yes, the eight faces I could talk about were almost certainly just the tip of the iceberg - possibly an enormous one.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#190562 - 11/09/07 02:08 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: roadrunner]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Great. I suppose i could comfort myself with the... nah. He "roamed around in public", alright. Bastard. (him not you larry)

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#190570 - 11/09/07 07:37 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: dgoods]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I know my younger brother was part of our group because he hung out with the younger brother of the abuser, who was in the control of the abuser. I'm not sure if he was abused but seems to me he shows a lot of the same signs as myself. Abuse of drugs and alcohol, anger, low self esteem. He is in therapy for the anger problem and has quit drinking trying to resolve his marital problems. He is supposed to be here in March with his family and I am wondering if it's time to break the silence. We don't talk about the abuser or the others from the group, kind of like a nonverbal agreement.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#190572 - 11/09/07 08:05 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: roadrunner]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
In a lot of ways this thread makes me feel so guilty, especially you post Larry, about the abuser will abuse on average, 150 boys when its outside the family.
My so called dad introduced me to the pedo ring he was part of, so i was abused by family members, but also a lot of boys were abused outside the family, and i said and did nothing.
Every-time i let the memories of my abuse into my head, i cannot stop thinking that if i had said something then no other boy would have been put through the hell i went through.

I cannot shed nor do i feel i should be able to, this feeling that i could have done something.


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#190602 - 11/09/07 01:02 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Seven Arrows,

I'm glad you speak up about this, because it gives me the chance to tell you that this is part of what it means when you hear that "it's not your fault".

This means none of it - not a single moment or second, no decision or lack of decision, none of the going back to the abuser or whatever else went on. It wasn't your fault.

It can never be the boy's task, for example, to break up a pedophile ring. In so many cases the boy just lives from day to day anyway, and even if you can look back and see choices here and there, that's you as an adult NOW in 2007, not you as a scared abused boy. Back then you probably didn't even see any choices, and when a boy doesn't see his options then he simply doesn't have those choices.

Look at it this way, bro. The men who abused you put a lot of effort into setting things up and keeping the abuse going back then. So now let them have all the blame as well - they worked for it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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