When will I stop seeing happy well adjusted kids/teens on TV and in real life and wonder to myself why I couldn't have that kind of childhood. Maybe I should get rid of my DVR, because all I do with it is pause those scenes and dwell on it.

Its kind of like that 3 doors down song where the chorus is

"If I could be like that, I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes. If I could be like that,
what would I do, what would I do"

Jason

(sorry, I know this is just a vent or more accurately me feeling sorry for myself, just had to get this out though).

I hear ya Jason. I can't tell you how much I have grieved over being cheated out of that well-adjusted life.

Andy

Jason-thats me-------------totally---------------sometimes i cry-when i see this on tv------------i am happy for them-----------but sad and angery for me------------steve

Jason,

Totally there. Similar things trigger me and in much the same way. Is there comfort in knowing it’s because of the abuse? We can’t all be wrong hey?

I think at least being aware of it is a growth thing for you. Awareness comes as a result of working through things. I’m sure there was a time when you were triggered but perhaps didn’t understand the “why” like you do now.

That’s the way it’s gone for me anyway.

No platitudes like “it will get better” – just support from someone who says “I know, I understand and I care”.

You mean the world really isn't full of Brady Bunch kids and those like Wally and Beaver Cleaver with perfect families?

I hear you man, I've wondered that too about other kids when I was growing up. One of the abusive friends had a mother that I wanted to adopt me, and I used to fantacize that she was my mother and loved me in all the ways that my real one didn't.

Jason,

I hear you, bro, but let me tell you. I lived in a pretty caring and solid home, and the abuser STILL sniffed me out and got to me - me and at least 7 others, most of whom were also from "good homes".

Anyway, did you hear that Wally and Beaver both turned out to be crackheads or something like that?

We're living a real life, Jason, with all its genuine problems and unfair obstacles - not a TV fantasy. That takes a special kind of courage and we need to credit ourselves for that.

Much love,
Larry

Eddie/Larry,

Its not the Brady Bunch fantasy I wish I had, just maybe a childhood without the emotionally crippling abuse that left me isolated, alone and confused.

Jason