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#189575 - 11/01/07 10:41 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: KeithR]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rob,

There are thousands of guys in therapy for CSA across the country, and of course MS is not the only site that addresses such issues. But yes, I do think there are millions of abused boys struggling to grow up right now, and thousands won't make it. They will end up in the morgue from things like drugs, alcohol, suicide, gang violence, crime, medical complications, STDs, or excessive risk-taking (speeding, as Keith refers to).

The 1 in 6 figure is probably low, because what it represents is acknowledged cases. Many guys won't admit abuse on a survey form for fear of exposure, or else because they are in denial in some way.

I think we are the fortunate ones, Rob. Yes, there are guys who just "get over it" somehow, but I think these cases are the minority and why these boys manage hasn't been studied yet. As for the rest, I think a lot of guys must just struggle along thinking their life sucks because that's the way the world is. That is, their feelings that they really don't deserve any better have come to define how they see the world in general.

What makes us different is that we see there has to be a better way and we have found whatever emotional strength it takes to seek it. That's already a wonderful thing when you look at the broader picture.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#189579 - 11/01/07 10:53 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: roadrunner]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
larry, there is always two sides of stats. there are is the negative side and the positive side. when i said that everything in my life is a stat, its true but they arent all negative. X out of X guys find this site. X out of X guys eat have good health. X out of X guys love their job. everything in life is a stat. not all are negative. it depends on which side of the number you fall on and what the figure is about. does it suck that so many guys are abused? yeah. does it suck that we made it through? no. and really i think it all has to do with luck and chance. thats what life is all about. you can calculate all you want but at the end of the day they are just numbers.


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#189709 - 11/02/07 05:45 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: Jarrad]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
The fact that this site is here is a statement that somebody if finally paying attention to the problem. We didn't have anything like this when I was younger and talking about it was not an option for me at that time. I am amazed at how many of us end up with the same reactions, withdrawn, drugs, alcohol, wanting to die. I can see myself in so many of the posts here and I am grateful that there is a place to go. I do believe the numbers are a lot higher because most of us are to scared to report it. We can do the what ifs and speculate all we want and it remains the same. We are here we need support and we need to be here. I am very fortunate to have survived this long, last year was almost the end for me but again I asked for help. One more institution, one more treatment for drug abuse. sad as it is.
I don't know why some go on without a problem after abuse and we don't. I can't compare myself to those people. I only know my experience and how it changed my view of life and myself.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ŰŅŰ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#189716 - 11/02/07 06:03 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: GateKPR4]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Gate,
Very good points.
One thing i am soooo tired of, every time an addiction comes up in a casual conversation (workplace, etc.), whether it be cigarettes, alcohol, drugs- there's always the guy who chips in w/ " I used to be/I knew somebody who was real bad w/ (whatever), one day I/they just stopped, and that was it."

I always kind of look at them w/ a puzzled frown- "Good for you...and your point being...?"

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#189722 - 11/02/07 06:22 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: KeithR]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
Great post. I agree that the 1 in 6 boys stat is very low. There are many many statistics out there and some are showing numbers as high as 1 in 2 (50%)! I guess the big question would be what is CSA? If it means some kind of sexual rape the numbers are smaller, however if it includes all forms of sexual touching or mental mind games that preps play, the numbers would off course be much higher. I say if it effects you negatively as a child sexually, then I say you were sexually abused.

Personally, I believe we havenít even seen the tip of the iceberg as far as the actual numbers of children that are sexually abused in one way or another. I know however when I started to realise how wide spread this problem is I actually started to felt not so alone anymore, and it helped a bit (in a strange way).

What makes us different however is that we are in the minority when it comes to who speaks out about CSA. I believe most victims go to their grave without telling anyone, and that is sad.

All in all, we actually are among the strong ones believe it or not. The ones that are speaking up and trying to make things just a bit better. Therefor I am proud to be part of this group.

Scotia


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#189882 - 11/04/07 03:41 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: scotia1]
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Let the face in my avatar be one of those 'numbers'. My younger brother, who did not survive the abuses in our home.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#189885 - 11/04/07 04:16 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: scotia1]
Power_water Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/14/07
Posts: 45
Loc: Portland, OR, USA
Ya! What Scotia said.

What sets us apart is we have a mission to perform, as part of our healing. If we can't work to help improve the problem, then the world is waste, and life is not worth living. If we can do something to increase awareness and change social views and protect more children, well then, I think that gives me a reason to keep struggling on. Certainly a high percentage of us have fallen by the way side, that doesn't make them any better or worse or lucky or unlucky. I personally feel this is a war we are fighting, and until that war becomes bigger than our own hopeless and desperate needs, well then there is nothing.
We owe it to the fallen, we owe it to our world, We have to be here, we have to get involved in some way, when we are able.

_________________________
Bring works of darkness to light

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#189890 - 11/04/07 06:35 AM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: Power_water]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I may not be at the same point in my recovery as, say, Curtis St. John, or others here, but i hope to be someday, and i certainly think that history shows that no injustice changes unless enough have the courage to stand up and say "This exists; this is NOT right, and i'm not laying down or staying silent any more!" No fault to those who aren't ready or able to do that- i just shudder to think "what if i had never found this site?"
Right now all i can contribute is my ear, and my voice, but trust me, were i a rich man there'd be no question of contributing. I wish insurance companies would take the long view of the cost of inadequate funding for prevention, outreach, support, etc. instead of focusing on the short-term.
ok, done babbling for now...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#189950 - 11/04/07 04:08 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: dgoods]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
There has been reference here to some victims of CSA going about life without a problem. Personally I donít believe that is possible. Sure many victims may go on to become wealthy and/or successful in a career but does that really mean escaping their CSA? I have been very open about my CSA over the last number of years (Iím not saying that others must be this way) and due to this have had many people disclose to me that they too were sexually abused as a child (probably because they felt the secret was safe with me). I have had disclosures from every walk of life, rich and poor (although mostly males).
It may seem from the outside that life for some people is fine, but inside it may not be the case. Sure some suffer more than others, but the so-called better-off people also have poor relationships, high divorce rates and also commit suicide.

Just something to ponder about our fellow survivors.

We are all in this together.

scotia


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#189958 - 11/04/07 07:01 PM Re: Putting faces to the numbers [Re: KeithR]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
Some stats I found for 1988 in Canada (I'm sure the numbers would be very similar in the U.S., U.K. ect. I also feel that the numbers have probably increased over the years.

"The most extensive study of child sexual abuse in Canada was conducted by the Committee on Sexual Offences Against Children and Youths. Its report indicates that, among adult Canadians, 53 percent of women and 31 percent of men were sexually abused when they were children. (C. Bagley, Child Sexual Abuse in Canada: Further Analysis of the 1983 National Survey, Health and Welfare Canada, 1988"

scotia


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