so i had a good day, right? met for lunch with a friend, got a lot accomplished at work. got home and for once no WW III going on.

then we go to the Eagle Ceremony of a friend's son that my son used to be in scouts with. lots of people haven't seen for quite a while.

one kid walks in, sees his brother across the room and they grin WIDE, almost run across the room, shake hands, then HUG tight. the smiles on their faces were radiant.

and me? i'm doing a rapid boil that's threatening to explode. my wife asks what's wrong - i make some stupid statement about being hungry (which i was, but wasn't the problem)

so not only am i gonna get triggered by "bad" scenes - happy ones are gonna set me off??????

i should just stay under my bed.

m

Mark,

Happy scenes can trigger us too, yes. Especially if they remind us of things we have missed or lost. It took me a long time before I could bear to walk past a high school where guys were walking around in groups as friends - it reminded me of how I had isolated myself for so long, even from guys who really did just want to be my friend.

Much love,
Larry

Mark-
Thanks for posting. It made me remember what i hate more than a nightmare... the "wish-fulfillment" dream, the dream where i was never abused, my childhood was happy, i never hurt people i loved, save the day, get the girl, and live happily ever after.
Then i wake up...

Mark,

All I can say is...I totally understand.

Russ

Mark,

When I see kids that are happy...kids who are raised properly...kids who get a chance to enjoy childhood...I have to fight tears. Yes, I feel jealousy, but I don't know what's worse: the jealousy, the sadness, or the fact that I hate myself for being selfish.

Bryan

Every time I seen a child it would trigger memories, didn't matter if the child was happy or sad. It was like this nightmare that would not end. But after talking with my T this seems to be passing and is not happening so often. Last night while I was at the drug store there was a little girl crying with her dad by the restrooms.
I thought "that bastard is abusing her" then I understood that she got hurt by the auto closing door to the rest room. then I was OK. But Halloween went by and it was a joy to see the kids and their parents having so much fun. I hardly thought of my own abuse at all that night. That is a step forward for me.

Mark:
I too understand that not only bad memories trigger me to fall apart and cry like a baby. Out of no where I see small kids playing together and I can't help but tear up cry. Sure wish I could control my emotions, but guess that will take lots of time and more therapy.

Thanx, all of you. I was beginning to think I was hopeless, had crossed the line of no return - all because happy things are now triggers as well as sad/angry/unhappy things.

Once again- good to know I'm not alone.

M

Mark - sometimes the happy scenes are the worst! We know how they can go wrong! It's sort of 'look how happy those kids are having such a good time'. Then you remember how you didn't have such a good time. You don't want that to happen to those kids, so it triggers you!

Best wishes ...Rik