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#189499 - 11/01/07 12:29 PM My brother and my father's estate
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Well, I sent my brother an email asking him to concentrate on getting my fathers estate settled. The five year anniversery of his death comes up in Janaury. I think he must have an issue with him because not only is the estate not settled (its not a hard estate there are only 2 of us and no one is contesting the will), there is no headstone on my fathers grave. Did something happen that I don't remember, I don't know. To help this along I suggested we settle the estate and then worry about the headstone. Anyway the reason I'm posting is because I may need your help in being assertive and keeping after him about this. Alot of us (survivors) aren't very assertive and it doesn't help that my brother is also my abuser.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#189521 - 11/01/07 04:43 PM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: onlyakid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

You're right. It's often very difficult for a survivor to stand his ground and ask for what he needs; the little guy inside him keeps reminding him that asking gets you nothing but more hurt.

Good luck with getting this estate matter settled, and if you need support or an understanding ear, hey, you know where to come.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#189548 - 11/01/07 06:49 PM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: roadrunner]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Jason,

Is there anything you can do directly...not through your brother.. to settle the estate?

Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#189557 - 11/01/07 07:55 PM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: Gerald2007]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I don't believe so Gerald, he is the executor, I think I could go to court and sue him for the executorship but thats about it, I think.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#189561 - 11/01/07 08:39 PM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: onlyakid]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Jason,

I am sorry you are having to deal with him in this situation. I imagine the fact that he has control ....could be pretty triggering. If there are substantial assets involved, you might want to have an attorney deal with him, so you don't have to. Just a thought.

I applaud your courage.

Gerald



Edited by gcp2007 (11/01/07 08:40 PM)
_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#189568 - 11/01/07 09:44 PM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: Gerald2007]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Gerald,
I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression about my relationship with my brother, my relationship with him is actually close. I've never confronted him and he doesn't know that I know what he did. So hiring an attorney would be akward to say the least. As for if the remainder of the estate is substantial, Its not like its 100,000 or anything but enough that I wouldn't just forget about it.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#189570 - 11/01/07 09:48 PM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: onlyakid]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Jason,
Forgive me for jump to wrong conclusion. I like your quote about courage....

Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

Top
#191236 - 11/12/07 10:38 PM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: Gerald2007]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Well its been 12 days since I sent my brother the email and no response, this is obviously going to be harder than I thought. He recently was at a conference in Washington DC for something like a week, so I do understand he is busy but we did see each other yesterday when he and his family came over for dinner with our mother and stepfather (I live with them) and I know I didn't mention it but he did not as well.

I have to think that there is something up, I don't know if our father did anything to him but the fact that he doesn't seem to want a headstone is disturbing in that respect. When I had talked to him earlier this was the only thing keeping the estate from settling, I've offered in this email to agree to settle that on our own after the estate is settled but as everyone can see I still get no response.

I really don't want to call him about this, I much rather start it via email but I guess its looking like I need to. I can't let this go much longer, If I do I may never get the remaining estate.

Any advice anyone has would surely be appreciated.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#191240 - 11/13/07 12:14 AM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: onlyakid]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Jason I know where you are at on this. My bother did nolthing for 2 years then I had a melt down with him and my sister took over. She had it done in 2 months. You don't have anyone else to take over for him so it puts you in a ruff spot.

Can you talk with his wife and see if she could help?

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#191302 - 11/13/07 04:20 PM Re: My brother and my father's estate [Re: Muldoon]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Jason,

I am sorry this thing is dragging out further for you. There are several things I think I might try, if I were in your shoes. But I am not -- in your shoes.

One idea, i'll just throw out there. Maybe you could write him a letter instead of emailing him. That might get his attention, since we get so much email these days.

Good luck!

Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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