I was also first abused at 7, so i know how far-reaching th effects can be. I also struggled w/ controlling my temper in the past. It sounds like she is just extremely frustrated; she may have thought that her support and patience would be enough to "fix everything" after a certain amount of time. I've had relationships where my g/f knew i had depression, anger and sexual issues, but couldn't truly wrap her head around how deep-seated they were (she wasn't aware of the abuse, but my behaviors and struggles were discussed often). Just as it so easy for us to feel responsible for things which we may realize aren't under our control, so too it is w/ our partners- she may inwardly be, or have been, struggling with feelings of failure or inadequacy. In the case of my g/f, at the time it went steadily downhill, her expressions of frustration or anger drove worsening teary, trembling pleading for forgiveness. It ended w/ her calling me "spineless" in disgust and leaving me. You may want to consider how you might be feeding into a similar pattern, since we often feel forever doomed to fail, and it's often 2nd nature to act in ways that reinforce and accelerate the negatives in any relationship. We often don't realize what we're doing is choosing the safety of the familiar (shame,guilt, self-loathing) over the fear of intimacy. Success is something i have to force myself to acknowledge as being genuine; my "gut feeling" is that whatever the success may be, it is false and doomed to collapse, or will reveal me as a fraud. Maybe you two could try simply listing positives, two lists each; 10 things about your mate, followed by 10 things about yourself. Every interaction w/ your wife shouldn't need be filled w/ negatives; however long you've been married, there must have been at least a few undeniably positive moments. Your current lack of forward progress doesn't invalidate the positives. Give each other a chance, perhaps if both parties consider their own bias instead of each other's, a chance to apologize and reconcile may present itself. Your marriage will either improve, or worsen, depending on how wide a gulf exists between you. It doesn't sound like maintaining the status quo is possible, or useful; but is it an impasse, or a temporary setback? Only the two of you can truly answer that. Hope this was helpful.
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.
-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III