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#18929 - 10/13/03 08:45 PM Re: can I live with it
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Malitovsky 1

Every time that you think life sucks remember what you just posted
Quote:
My children love me and are concerned. I know they just want me to be happy.
Your children love you and are concerned. Despite everything you have become a great father and that in itself sure doesnt suck.

Now let me tell you about depression and suicide. Been there. Tried that. Not sucessful thank god. But the one time that I was sure I was sucessful I never wanted to live so much as I did then. It is rough tuff and dangerous but living is the only thing I know.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#18930 - 10/14/03 02:22 AM Re: can I live with it
zoltin Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/03
Posts: 37
Loc: Southern Illinois
Gary,

First let me say that I believe you are incredibly courageous. Anyone who has stayed sober as long as you has great courage. You have learned to defend yourself. You could not defend yourself when that happened to you as a child. Please find a way to be good to yourself. Buy yourself flowers or take a long bath - do something.

I too belong to AA and have been sober for 21 years. I too am 48 yo. The ones at AA whose opinions I care about are there for recovery, not to judge others' actions. And I would definitely discuss these matters with a caring sponsor. If you feel you cannot count on your sponsor to listen, understand, and not judge, you might consider finding a new sponsor. On the other hand, if you are comfortable using other resources to work out your abuse, by all means do that. You have a right to your own boundaries and the right to enforce those boundaries. If someone chooses to be hurt by you taking care of yourself, so be it.

I have used my resources in a divided way. I have spoken with my sponsor about the sexual abuse in a general way and about how I feel it has affected my relationships with women. For the most part, though, I use therapy for sexual abuse recovery. I am a new member here and intend to use this a lot. I have also used Adult Children of Alcoholics as a recovery vehicle and found it very helpful.

My prayer is with you, man. Be well.


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#18931 - 10/17/03 01:03 AM Re: can I live with it
gryffindor Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/03
Posts: 131
Loc: St. Charles, Illinois
Malitovsky,

About your chronic pain -- have you checked to find out if your local medical center or hospital has chronic pain center? Have you tried biofeedback? If you can force yourself to relax the muscles that surround or are near the nerve it might help to reduce the pain. I cured myself of chronic nerve pain in my arm and shoulder by forcing myself to relax muscles that I initially didn't realize were tense. Eventually the nerve "unlearned" the pain it caused me.

Mary

_________________________
"Where there's a will, there's a way." American Folk Saying

"Had I not fallen, I could not have arisen; had I not sat in darkness, I would not have recognized the light." Midrash Tehillim Ch. 22

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#18932 - 10/17/03 01:38 AM Re: can I live with it
bowman Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/03
Posts: 72
Gary,

I think the sadness does pass eventually, once you have done the greiving you needed to do, about your mother, the lost trust and innocence, about the toll this has taken on your life. It seems like the feelings vary in intensity, and when it gets really bad, that will still pass.

I know what you mean about how the shame gets wrapped up in current events in your life. I find that I'll totally overreact to something someone does, and if I think about it, there is some parallel to past situations, but the intensity is definitely because of the feelings from the past. I find that if I can link up the feelings to the past events, and let the feelings come up, then eventually they pass.

This is hard stuff. Be easy on yourself.

Ken


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#454418 - 11/19/13 07:56 AM Re: can I live with it [Re: malitovsky1]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline


Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 106
Loc: Quebec-Canada
I started to see whos birtdays it was so HAPPY BIRTHDAY and all the good stuff to you.

I have read your life and most of mine strugle whit my dad suicide. If you need to talk I am reaching my hands to you.

Whit care

Jean-Pierre

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