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#189173 - 10/30/07 02:55 AM My perp is crying in jail
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
Hi guys,

I had a call tonight from a fellow survivor that has inside connections to a jail cell area. Our perp (that abused us as boys)has been held there for a number of months awaiting the trial date to begin. He has been told that he (our prep) cries in his cell almost every night. I have mixed feelings about this.
What are some of your thoughts?

Scotia


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#189181 - 10/30/07 06:31 AM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: scotia1]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Wow.

I'd think it would be nice to believe that he is crying because he understands what he's done and is deeply sorry.

But he may be crying because he's scared, or not in control of his life (and yours) anymore.

David


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#189184 - 10/30/07 07:21 AM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: MemoryVault]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
without knowing the perp, it's hard to call, but re: David's comment- he gave up control of his life the day he gave himself permission to act on his urges.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#189269 - 10/30/07 04:47 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: dgoods]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Scotia,

You can bet he's crying for his own sake, and knowing how perps get treated in jail he has good reason. Too bad he never considered your tears. If he had, he wouldn't be where he is this afternoon, which is exactly where he should be - no matter how much crying he does.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#189272 - 10/30/07 05:08 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: roadrunner]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
GOOD , He is crying because he knows what happens to child molesters in jail

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#189283 - 10/30/07 06:17 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: OKIE MIKE]
bmac Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/28/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Atlantic Canada
Hey Scotia, I once talked to my perp about five years ago an about 15years after it happened, he cried and said his life was in sham's and he was really depressed, I recently pressed charges a year ago, and found him on facebook, happyly as can be, and living life to the fullest, I do think that some perps try to play on our sympothy one more time, I hope that he is sorry for what he has done to you, but I also would be lerry of his sick mind...you think most accept there actions, but usually the opposite, they will deny and run from it as long as they can, hopefully not doing anymore harm along the way, my hat off to you for pressing charges and taking another perp off the street and protecting furture victims from there sickness.......all the best in your recovery.........Bryan


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#189289 - 10/30/07 07:10 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: bmac]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Scotia,

Personally, I have little faith that he even has a sense of guilt for what he has done. From what I know, many if not most, perps are incapable of seeing things from the vantage point of those they have hurt.

I think it's far more important to know what youre feeling. Your tears are the ones that matter. Your anger and your sadness are the emotions that will move you towards healing, not his. Let the criminal rot in his cell. Should he one come crawling on his knees begging for forgiveness, then let's worry about his tears. For now send him back to his dark hole in the ground and stay focussed on you.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#189307 - 10/30/07 09:18 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: tartugas]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
Thanks for the support guys. Bmac you may be right about his “lerry sick mind”, this may be just a game he is playing.

Mike; You make a good point. Newspaper reports say that one man already has been charged with assaulting him shortly after he arrived in jail. There may be others waiting for their opportunity.

I guess I am trying “not” to feel good about his situation, for that would make me more like him. On the other hand it is very hard “not” to smile just a little!!

What would you guys do if you had the chance to visit him in jail? Just thinking about it!

Scotia


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#189314 - 10/30/07 09:51 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: scotia1]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
i think i'd just stare at him deadpan, while letting "Who's Got the Last Laugh Now" play in the backround...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#189327 - 10/30/07 10:57 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: dgoods]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
I'd let him rot and get on with my life.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#189333 - 10/30/07 11:43 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: tartugas]
saint-of-Lost-Causes Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 57
Loc: Michigan
Hes realizing the consequences of his actions! Hes crying because he is about to pay a heavy price for his intrinsically sick actions!

_________________________
We accept the love we think we deserve!

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#189358 - 10/31/07 08:29 AM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Scotia,

On visiting him in jail, I would be very careful. Ask yourself what YOU have to gain from this experience. He may be upset, but that doesn't mean he genuinely regrets what he has done to you. He may just be frightened being in jail with a crowd of guys who don't think much of pedophiles.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#191724 - 11/17/07 04:29 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: tartugas]
bmac Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/28/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Atlantic Canada
SCotia, I will be facing my perp in court in a few weeks, and often wonder what I will do or say, I think for me, just seeing him may bring back good or bad memories, I just know that he can't hurt me anymore, and that I"m in control now.......thinking it might be good for me to finally stand up to him, not for his good, but for mine, to show that I"m still standing....not sure if this is a way you want to go scotia, either way I hope that it works out, and remember he can't touch or hurt you anymore......ever want to chat more, shoot me an message.....


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#191735 - 11/17/07 06:05 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: bmac]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I've got a different perspective on this tonight! Just found out that a good friend finally died of Leukemia today. He never hurt anyone in his life, so I wish that it was your perp that was dying (rather than crying) in jail, not my good friend in the outside world.

Why is it that only the good seem to die young, and not those evil bastards?

Bmac - I've done the court side of things in England/UK - if I can help in anyway, just contact me.

Best wishes ..Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#191743 - 11/17/07 07:57 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: RICK57]
bmac Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/28/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Atlantic Canada
sorry to hear that rick, your friend must of been amazing to battle such a disease, and I"m sure that he is doing wonders as an angel up above, my sympathy goes out, but I"m sure your memories and his soul are forever going to touch you........that no one can take away.....ever.......


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#191752 - 11/17/07 09:39 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: bmac]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Scotia - Just a couple of quick thoughts. I agree it is difficult for a Perp to feel emotions like we do therefore, most Perps are crying because they got caught! If they were not in jail, they probably would not be crying now!

Visiting him in jail? Tough one but I would agree with what's best for YOU!! How will seeing him in jail benefit YOU? I would not give a thought to the pain he's enduring...take care of the pain in you! Let him take care of himself like he made you take care of yourself!

Just a tip! When you see him in court, you might bnefit from having something written out on paper to read as a Victim's Statement in court. The guys I know, when they see their Perp in court, a plethera of emotions emerge - good, bad, ugly. Prepare yourself!!!

Glad you had the inner strength to put your Perp where he can't hurt anybody anymore!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#191787 - 11/18/07 12:02 PM Re: My perp is crying in jail [Re: ScottyTodd]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
Scotia,
You have mixed feelings because you are human and a decent person.
You cannot take care of him. If he is in jail awaiting trial, I can only assume thee is a reason for that and he must face the consequences of his own actions.
But the first thing is to take care of yourself. Just my thoughts.
Raul

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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