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#189075 - 10/29/07 02:45 PM I Loved You... I HATE You
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee


I Loved You...
I HATE You

I loved the way you sat me on your knee,
A match to blow out, just for me!
As you puffed on your pipe,
Aroma filled the air,
You reached over and ruffled my hair.

Bibbed overalls and an old worn out cap,
You picked me up
and sat me on your lap.
Close to your chest,
I pressed my ear,
It was the ticking of your watch,
I liked to hear.

You called me "Bugs,"
I was proud of that name.
But since you hurt me,
I HATE that name.

I don't understand how you could do what you did,
I don't understand why I kept is so hid.

Kicking and screaming, I tried to fight you off,
You pushed me down and got what you sought.

You thought it was funny,
You laughed in my face,
You told me my mommy never would return to your place.

We ran and hid to get away from you,
You laughed, it was a game;
You were very cruel.

It was the black vinyl couch,
You pushed my face into,
As you overpowered me,
I KNOW I HATE YOU!

The flames in the stove,
Is what got me through.
The rest is history,
I REALLY HATE YOU!

I am glad you are dead,
I am glad you are gone.
I have carried this with me,
Far too long.

Even before the memories,
In my conscious mind.
Something wasn't right,
Something was out of line.

The watch in your overalls,
Was passed on to me.
I did not want it,
I HATED WHAT IT MEANS.

I didn't understand it
At the time,
I was only a teen-ager
With a locked up mind.

I took the watch
Deep in the woods,
Before It's grave,
I solemnly stood.
To family it reminded them of Poppa Poe,
To me it reminded me of your Hell-Bound Soul.

G.
2007

_________________________
GD

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#189757 - 11/02/07 10:11 PM Re: I Loved You... I HATE You [Re: River]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
River,

I have been following your posts about the abuse from your grandfather and I was wondering when you would take a step like this. Good for you! And I'm especially glad you ditched the watch - to you it's just a foul trinket and you're so much better off without it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#189789 - 11/03/07 11:13 AM Re: I Loved You... I HATE You [Re: roadrunner]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
This is a very powerful poem, River. I got goose bumps and shivered as I read it. I'm sorry you've had to suffer through this. I'm glad you've made it to the site. Welcome.

Keith


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#190526 - 11/08/07 10:15 PM Re: I Loved You... I HATE You [Re: KeithR]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Thanks Keith. My therapist asked me last week if I remember the location where I buried it. of course, I can't remember... glad that I don't, don't think I want to go back there.

_________________________
GD

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#431610 - 04/17/13 10:32 PM Re: I Loved You... I HATE You [Re: River]
douglaswil Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/12
Posts: 35
Loc: Russellville, AR
River,

WOW! What a poem and what an experience you went through. Sorry to hear that.

-DW
_________________________
Doug
www.dugslife.com
I am DOUG, not Egbert!

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