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#189030 - 10/28/07 10:05 PM very, very new.
knifael Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 11
just admitted prolonged abuse to my father and sister.
will have to tell my mother, too.
since this is going to have implications, i.e. tearing a lot of my family apart, i keep feeling like i have to convince everyone.

i dont question whether or not the abuse occured, i know it did. but when i was talking to my father and to my sister, i felt the need to provide proofs or incidents. i dont know how to deal with this because the memories have only now started coming back to me in the past year. i'm now 23.

i know it's common for memories to stay repressed, and it seems like this is about the age when they start coming to light. However, i'm a very logical and critically thinking person and would have a hard time taking someone's word on anything.

i just needed to post something on here, where i probably won't be criticized, and if anyone has advice please give it openly.

michael


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#189035 - 10/28/07 10:37 PM Re: very, very new. [Re: knifael]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Welcome to MS Michael,

as I so often say... - I'm sad for the reasons that bring you here - but I am glad that you were able to find this place

I really do hope that this site will become a very helpful tool in your healing journey

Take your time and look around - there is a lot of great info and great frinds to be found here

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#189042 - 10/28/07 11:12 PM Re: very, very new. [Re: knifael]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Welcome! No criticism here...
I can very much relate to feeling like you need to "prove" it actually happened; my memories weren't totally buried, i just got so good at not thinking about them that even after being hospitalized for attempts at suicide, i was puzzled as to why i was so desperately unhappy. My abusers were not family members, but i still noticed the need on my family's part to minimize if not deny that it happened; my parents' guilt at feeling as though they failed me made it psychologically natural, but still not helpful, i felt almost as if i were justified in remaining silent for so long, that i couldn't imagine what the response would've been, had i told at 15 instead of my mid-thirties.
People being imperfect, they'll do what they do, but remember you have a right to tell the truth, and to feel angry, despairing, frustrated, etc. at what seems to be an unsupportive environment. I spent years putting everyone else first, and all it did was help keep me emotionally crippled. It doesn't always have to end up that way- if this is your only outlet for your feelings, post a million times if you must, but let it out somewhere- those feelings always have a way of coming out somehow. You can't scare us away, we don't think you're "nuts", we don't think you're lying, and we certainly want to help you as much as you let us. I'm glad you were able to find MS, and hope to hear more from you.
Again, Welcome! \:\)


_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#189044 - 10/28/07 11:24 PM Re: very, very new. [Re: dgoods]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
I second dgoods!

Congratulations that you had the courage to talk about it. People will have their own reactions, and they're entitled to them (but not to hurt you.)

Glad you found us!

David


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#189046 - 10/28/07 11:29 PM Re: very, very new. [Re: dgoods]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Hi and welcome.

I'm going to get straight to the point ok?

The want details? Give them all the gory details they want. I'm not in any way implying that it's easy to just "say it", but if you're being DOUBTED in ANY way, as if you might just be making this up or whatever, then I say you should make them cringe in shock with all the details.

I'm kind of glad that you brought this up, because when I had first disclosed to MY parents, they NEVER, nor did I suspect that they even MIGHT, doubt my claims. (then again I had all the classic signs of a dysfunctional life to provide as evidence).

Frankly, if I had disclosed to them and they questioned my claims of abuse, I would have been FUCKING PISSED.

Let us know how this works out for you ok?


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#189047 - 10/28/07 11:34 PM Re: very, very new. [Re: Hauser]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
welcome Michael

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#189072 - 10/29/07 02:19 PM Re: very, very new. [Re: Still]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Michael,

Welcome to MS. It is good you found this place.

You can be sure your story of abuse and survival will be read, heard and understood. All the men here have faced lots of trauma related consequences through much of their lives.

It is good to hear your memories are starting to surface now. That means you are in recovery.

Take your time here.

Welcome again.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#189793 - 11/03/07 11:34 AM Re: very, very new. [Re: alexey]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Michael,

Welcome to the site and I'm glad you found us. Don't worry about what you say or think here; you will be supported and understood. I can just imagine all this is new and frightening to you, but that's okay. The important thing is that you are starting out on your healing journey, and at a very young age too. You should be very proud of yourself.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#189801 - 11/03/07 12:14 PM Re: very, very new. [Re: roadrunner]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
I'm glad you made it here, Michael.

Keith.


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#189806 - 11/03/07 12:42 PM Re: very, very new. [Re: KeithR]
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Welcome you'll find a group of the kindest, careing, understanding men in the world here. I know I have. Just remember your not alone in this journey your starting on.

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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