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#188767 - 10/25/07 06:43 PM I don't think they have a clue
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I sometimes think that a person that has not experenced, what it is to be sexualy abused. Could possably understand the emotions and terrior that that I have lived with for years .
A theropist goes to school and studies for years . But until they walk a mile in my shoes . How do they understand what I am feeling. They ask me why I still hate after so many years have passed . and why I still have night mares . I sometimes wish that I could just let them live my life for a month or so . It would probly scare the shit out of them.
But they would stop asking stupid questions

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#188771 - 10/25/07 07:03 PM Re: I don't think they have a clue [Re: OKIE MIKE]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
your right people who havnt experienced this have no idea what its like. I was discussing this with a friend she had told me that dealing with things like this is it just better to rise above it stay positive and move on with our lives. she honestly dosnt see how hard it would be to do that. I told her she didnt know what it's like i was angry at her at first. her comments really pissed me off but then i realized i was GLAD she didnt know what it was like. so i felt kinda dumb for getting mad at her.

Anyways you dont have to answer a question your T asks you. you are in control now. if he/she is asking you things you dont find important or beneficial tell them that.


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#188801 - 10/26/07 02:41 AM Re: I don't think they have a clue [Re: theatrekid]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Mike, I'm with you completely. I could never have gotten from a "normal" (made me kind of nautious to say it like that, would love to dump that one) Never could have found a connection with anyone but a survivor. I saw a therapist for a while and on the fifth sesssion he told me at 125.00 an hour, he told me "at least she tried to make you feel better", I want to throw-up, I gave this guy $625.00 to minimize my entire experience. And as I am how I am, I walked away and said "thank you Mother can I have another".

Mike, you will find what your looking for in the heart of a survivor and no where else.

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#188802 - 10/26/07 03:00 AM Re: I don't think they have a clue [Re: mogigo]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
As some of you may have read from other posts of mine, my experiences w/ T's have been mixed, but i can smell it a mile away when people just find me and my history too much to handle.
Even those who think they're "enlightened" about these things will do it, they just hide it behind nice words. It's always the same- the Big Pause. "...But don't you think that if"... i kinda stop listening at that point because their minds are just trying to squirm away from something they're not comfortable with. I've gotten that minimization/denial reaction from plain ol' depression or anger being the subject- i'm gonna share how CSA has shaped my worldview with them? Uh,...no. I don't think so... I'll go find a survivor in the chatroom, or post something here first, TYVM.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#188803 - 10/26/07 03:10 AM Re: I don't think they have a clue [Re: dgoods]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hard to be so attuned to others sometimes eh. Hate knowing what other people are thinking.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#188805 - 10/26/07 03:50 AM Re: I don't think they have a clue [Re: mogigo]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
In my earlier years of recovery I thought I was the only one that ďthisĒ had happened to, and so I remained silent. That was my first mistake. As I started to talk, at first I talked only to Tís. Some were good, some bad , and most somewhere in-between. I thought mainly though how could they (the Tís) really understand. Just because they had gained formal education and fancy diplomas doesnít make them understand what I was going through. This was my second mistake. As things progressed further I started talking to more and more people opening about CSA and telling many about my own experiences. I thought many times ďhow can these people really understand when they havenít had it happen to them. That was my third mistake.

Yes survivors of CSA have many things in common about their childhood experiences but that doesnít mean that others donít. May Tís have also gone through certain types of abuse as children (although they may not speak of it), as well as having their formal training. Thirdly, there are many survivors of CSA out there in the general public that DO understand what you are going through. Statistics show it could be as high as 50% of the population that has been sexually assaulted in one way or another. Most however havenít even talked about it (CSA) with anyone (including friends and family).

People do understand our pain out there, however they donít understand how far reaching this issue is. My suggestion would be to keep on trying. Talk to as many people as possible about CSA (including new people). Learn about what effects it has on others and how far reaching it is. As strange as that may seem it will help. This will help in letting you realise you are not alone and that what you went through is fairly common place in our society.

Give it a try. It helped for me.

Scotia


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#188858 - 10/26/07 08:17 PM Re: I don't think they have a clue [Re: scotia1]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
Scotia I do not agree with your "Statistics" because if 50% of the population had ben sexualy assulted . There would be a lot better treatment out there for people .
Afar as talking to every one that comes along about sexual abuse . No I dont think that it is aproprate .
I do believe that this is an issue that the public needs to be educated on so that they can protect them selves and there children .
The Statistics that I have are closer to 15% to 20% of people have ben sexualy assulted . Maby where you live it is higher . but here it is not that high

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#188876 - 10/26/07 10:39 PM Re: I don't think they have a clue [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Brian35 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/10/04
Posts: 16
Loc: East Coast, US
I "lucked" out with my first T who turned out to be a CSA survivor himself which he didn't reveal until after a few months. I have to wonder if some sex therapists and CSA specialists get into it because of their own background which leads to a desire to help others overcome it too. Maybe it's more common among them than you'd think?

But it was great for me once I knew that and let me really open up. He just understood things like "why I kept going back" without me having to "explain" it.

At times though it almost seemed mutual therapy because he still had issues/triggers as well which he was fully open about and admitted, and of course that was fully understandable. So I suppose we kind of helped each other in a way, although he helped me much more and looking back I feel it was money well spent.

Unfortunately I got transferred and never found another T as good as him... still looking \:\(


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