Hello my name is Jack I just joined the board today . I'm 38 yrs. old am divorced with a daughter.
Jack as you can tell you are not alone here & you are among friends, a brotherhood of people who have been going thru similar things as yourself.
How old is your daughter, Jack? Does she know about the abuse? Mine do but they are both adults
as they pretty much were when I told them.
About a week ago after 27 years of holding it in I finally told my youngest sister (43) that I had been sexually molested by an older sister (now 46).
Does your sister believe you? Was she supportive?
Jack, I suppressed & dissociated from the abuse I went thru from the ages of about 1-11 until about 2 years ago, about 35 years after the last abuse incident; I'm 46 now.
I told my wife & daughters right after I started remembering myself, thru therapy. My daughters were in their first year of college & senior year of high school. They have all been very understanding & supportive. One has been doing volunteer work with a rape crisis hotline and the other is studying in medical planning to work with
trauma victims & survivors.
She molested me for about a year and a half , I was 11-13 yrs. old .In addition she physically and emotionally abused me my entire childhood until I was 17 when I left home and joined the Army.
My Father ( an alcoholic ) and my mother divorced when I was still a baby, They both seriously neglected me in almost every way possible , My mother was verbally abusive , unloving and cold towards me.
Jack, I had only a younger brother who was mentally & physically "retarded" becuz of the abuse. My mother made me his surrogate father & her surrogate husband, incesting me sexually & emotionally and also physically abusing me from about 1-10. She helped & allowed others to abuse me as well.
My father also abused me till my mother divorced him when I was 4 then I never saw him again. For a year I had an alcoholic stepfather who beat me with a belt.
[QBI had no one to go to I was so terrified of my abusive sister .
She pretty much ruined / stole my life up to now.[/QB]
Jack so many of us know these feelings & experiences of isolation, terror, loss & despair.
But you can take your life back. You are doing so now just by being here. You are not alone.
I'm having so many memories flooding back in the last few days , I'm about cried out , just a dull , empty numbness and of course just under that a desperate , all encompassing rage at her for what she took from me.
Jack, that's what happened to me about 2 years ago
Thru therapy my abuse memories started to return & became a flashback flood that lasted several months then became a total physical & emotional collapse that hospitalized me with skyrocketing blood pressure twice within a week and landed me on medical leave from my job.
Actually the flashbacks had almost stopped for a while but recently I've begun to have more vivid ones again involving the sexual & physical abuse by my father as an infant. I already knew about most of it, but not in such detail. Arrghhhh!
Yeah I got the rage my friend! Don't let anyone tell you not to have it either! It's all in what you do with it. That, I'm still working on with my therapist.
All my sisters have their own homes and money , I rent and live paycheck to paycheck barely making ends meet and feeding myself. The sister who abused me is a millionare , just picked up her 2003 mercedes . I dont even own a car right now.
They all have good relationships with their children , I adore my daughter but find it impossible to be a parent . ( dont know why though)
Well my mother is living on minimal social security, my father I don't know about. (My brother died in adolescence). But she's a miserable narcisstic bitch who can't relate to anybody or anything but herself.
My suspicion is that your abusive sister, with all her wealth, is really not that different. I doubt her relations with her children are really that good, probably based on what she gives them.
Maybe your other sister can help you cope? Do you have any idea if she was abused or not?
You had no good model for being a parent, like most of us. Yet in adoring your daughter, in not abusing her, you are already being a good parent.
Jack I've often feared I was being a miserable failure as a parent. It has been quite to the contrary. The cycle of abuse has been broken and they are healthy, fulfilled young ladies who love their father & know he loves them.
This is in spite of my abuse trauma, Complex PTSD,
severe depression, chronic pain, etc. It's about the love of father & daughter Jack.
I'm suffering from depression and anxiety attacks.
I want to die and hope that God will just give me another chance at childhood and a fresh start at life.
Jack you don't have to die to get it, but I believe God will most certainly give you another
chance, a lifetime of chances, at having the childhood you never had and a new start in life.
Start therapy on Friday. I'm praying
You are already starting a new life, taking back your life. You are already doing the right things:
breaking the silence by telling your sister, coming here for support with survivor brothers, starting therapy, and praying.
My friend you are well on the way. Take it easy on yourself, take your time and take care.