Newest Members
JohnWC, KKumar, J44, Anura, reynel5
12420 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
MADcHATTER (54), Ready2MoveOn (44)
Who's Online
2 registered (2 invisible), 28 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12420 Members
74 Forums
63788 Topics
445454 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#188494 - 10/23/07 06:26 PM Startle Response - Shame
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
I was on the phone at my desk today and an employee, whom I had finished talking to returned to my office (got past the receptionist). My back was to the door and he walked into my office and spoke, it scared the hell out of me, and jumped out of my seat I yelled REALLY LOUD. It really embarrassed the hell out of me. The employee did not know what to think and the entire office heard it. The embarrassment and shame ... I feel like a freak!



Edited by River (10/23/07 06:28 PM)
_________________________
GD

Top
#188496 - 10/23/07 07:48 PM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: River]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Hey river,
I know how that is... I've had problems w/ that for years, friends would think it was funny how easy i would "jump" when a car door slammed, etc. Remember, no one can read your mind- your co-workers probably would swallow a claim of overtiredness from watching a horror movie late the night before. Embarrassing, sure. But it can be passed off as something else, your co-workers don't know, or need to know, why you REALLY jumped a mile and yelled, do they? "normals" do embarrassing things, too...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#188505 - 10/23/07 08:22 PM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: dgoods]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Hi River,

Yeah, I agree with dg. He's got it pretty much right. Someone told me one time that we wouldn't be so concerned about what other people think of us if we only knew they were busy worrying about what we were thinking of them. Even "normals" are dodging their own demons, friend. I can really sympathize tho. I have soooo been there.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#188515 - 10/23/07 10:15 PM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: WalkingSouth]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
i completely agree with dgoods and John about the being scared stuff. it happens to me quite a bit.

but i do have a complaint to you guys the idea that people who arent survivors are "normals"? we make up quite a large piece of the population guys I've been told both on this site and some were else that 1 in 4 people are survivors of sexual abuse. were not a majority but we are a quarter of the population so were not this unique minority out in the world. so dgoods if your not normal, which you might not be i dont know. its not because you are a survivor \:\)

,Chris


Top
#188521 - 10/23/07 10:47 PM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: theatrekid]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area

I hadn't read that statistic, i had always thought there were more of us out there than were "visible", but 25% surprises me for some reason. I have mixed feelings about it, i guess; on the one hand, i would love for us to be the tiniest minority possible- on the other, i'm always happy to feel less freakish...

I've been reading the use of "normal" as a somewhat humorous reference to both the inability of non-survivors to truly know how different the world seems to us, and to our own frequent self-perception as freaks. That's how i intend it, anyhow. Plus, it's shorter than "non-survivors", and "N-S'ers" just looks ugly to me...
Thanks for teaching an aging dog a new trick!

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#188538 - 10/23/07 11:47 PM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: dgoods]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
I was using the term "normals" tongue in cheek. Frankly I adhere to the sentiment expressed on the bumper sticker that says

"Normal people worry me"

\:D

I am a believer that I and every one of the men here are just as normal if not more normal than anyone else in the world. Certainly we possess enough compassion to do the concept of "normal" a good deal of justice.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#188562 - 10/24/07 04:48 AM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: WalkingSouth]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Uh, yeah...what he said :P

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#188623 - 10/24/07 12:48 PM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: River]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Would you be offended if I found what you described to be very comical? Of course I don't find it funny at all that you experienced such an unpleasant feeling, I hope you can see the humor in it, if not I sincerely apologize.

I have a friend that works in a very professional business environment, and he yells just about everytime someone approaches him in an uncomfortable way. He has his own version of PTSD, not related to sexual abuse, but he is quite comical and can startle an entire room of people with his shriek if you sneak up on him. I'm not kidding, he will scream on the sidewalk if a stranger approaches him, in the car if something surprises him, if a waiter touches him, the list goes on. He has learned to deal with his startle-ability in a very strange way. If we have been drinking it will make me laugh so hard I almost choke.

I was just reading through some of the symptoms of PTSD (Posttraumatic Sress Disorder) and being easily startled caught my attention. There have been times in my life when I was so easily startled I was consumed with it.

My only suggestion to you would be to see if you can find a humorous side to it. It's there!

Hope it gets better.

Craig

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

Top
#188695 - 10/24/07 10:09 PM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: River]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I'm so sorry you had to go through that because i know how it feels to live with the "startled response" we go through as a result of our past.

I'm a little bit better with it but nowhere i want/wish to be.

you're not a freak nor are you any different then the rest of us.

Please be gentle with yourself.I know if i'm going to a place or will be in a situation i will create a safe place for me so no one can come up from behind and touch me or say something that will therefore startle me.I know it's hard for you but i can promise you that the longer you face the abuse and put it where it belongs and that's perspective into how the abuse still effects us long into our adutlhood.

God bless you and be well my friend.

Coopsath

PS: startle response is one of the big ones when it comes to PTSD...it does get better i know that much for sure.



Edited by thecoopstah (10/24/07 10:10 PM)
_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

Top
#188711 - 10/25/07 01:47 AM Re: Startle Response - Shame [Re: thecoopstah]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

I'm well aware of the 'startle' response, and agree that some reasonable excuses can be planned. But I know it's not always that easy to deal with, since none of us can really be sure what will cause that reaction. Some of us (like me) can become so hypervigilant that, though being startled is often avoided, I end up feeling at least a little paranoid. Whatever can be done to lighten the situation is probably best.

Ed


Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.