I'm very interested by this thread and I'm glad it has resurfaced.
First off, I do not believe there is a "bullseye" that marks us as targets early on, nor do I believe that there is a specific "survivor" vibe that can be easily spotted.
As children, most, if not all of us, gerew up in homes where we were not protected or nurtured in vital, fundamental ways. This left us particularly vulnerable to the machinations of our abusers. It's not that we broadcast that status, most abusers (who were not themselves immediate family members)literally fished around looking for people like us. We took the bait that others left behind, that's part of the reason we were "picked".
Are there people who are attracted to one another in this world for reasons that seem inexplicable at first? Of course, the ways we inteeract with others are incredibly rich and go beyond spoken words. If it weren't for these kinds of connecting with others, love itself would be a far less exciting experience. That said, the ways in which we connect later in life take on so many dimensions, it's certainly possible that we survivors can pick up on something "special" about each other. But there are lots of other ways we all connect to other people. I guess I just want to stress that we shouldn't let ourselves get so weighed down worrying about survivor stigma, we have so many other qualities that other people respond to that we're not aware of. One sign of healing is beginning to see all the good that is inside of us that others see as well.
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence