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#188405 - 10/22/07 09:38 PM fuck you gandpa
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I hate you
you raped me
you bastard

fuck you
FUCK YOU

this hurts so dam much
I want the pain to leave me

but it wont

thanks for listening men
really pissed off at my grandparents at the moment

fuck you Floyd and Donna (grandparents)
fuck fuck fuck fuck you both

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#188419 - 10/23/07 12:13 AM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
sometimes polite words don't cut it...
Thanks for the honesty, i felt a little better just reading it, i hope you did after writing it.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#188491 - 10/23/07 06:14 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: dgoods]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
I am right there with you, man! Your post really touched my own rage.

Buried my grandmother on Halloween last year ... a very fitting day for her to be buried.

I Carried her damn coffin ...dissociated through the whole damn thing and don't remember it. I drove a motor vehicle to the cemetary ... don't remembe driving it! Thought I could do it alone! WRONG!!! Threw me into a friggin' relapse into my addiction after I had accumulated some good sober time.

So, I join with you ....
fuck you Harry and Lillian (grandparents)
fuck fuck fuck fuck you both

I have protected my mother from this shit for MANY years. I told my brother a few weeks ago ... he stands with me. I am preparing to tell the fucking family secret! All hell is going to break loose. It am not going to protect him or her or anyone any longer! It is killing me.

Thanks for the post. I also felt better after reading it and thanks for indulging my rambling post.

_________________________
GD

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#188524 - 10/23/07 10:52 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: River]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
river that meant a lot to me you being there, I wanted to piss on that grave so bad now 20 years later not sure but I do not like it that they molested me, they were my grandparents

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#188529 - 10/23/07 11:16 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
MJ and River,

Getting it out helps and am gld u were able to get it out here.

-Jim

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#188579 - 10/24/07 08:23 AM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: healing_inside]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Michael,

It has to come out one way or another, and you have found the words that YOU needed to use. That is OKAY!

Have you considered the possibility of writing as a letter to your grandparents? That can be a powerful experience and you don't ever have to send it. I wrote a letter to the man who abused me as a boy, burned it and scattered the ashes at his grave, and that was a big step for me.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#188600 - 10/24/07 09:58 AM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Michael,

You said, "I wanted to piss on that grave so bad now 20 years"

Last year before my grandmother's funeral, I had gathered up some stakes ... big long stakes... and I planned to go the the cemetary prior to her burial and I wanted to drive those things into his grave. I talked myself out of it because I did not want to get arrested for vandalizing a cemetary or something. Not sure what good that would have done me. I still have thoughts of going back and placing a stake in his grave.

_________________________
GD

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#188806 - 10/26/07 04:30 AM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: River]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
i just want to cry sream

Pissed off at them all

noone has the right to my body with out my permission

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#188825 - 10/26/07 11:59 AM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Michael, I totally relate.

I was thinking yesterday as I was driving home from work that it would it would feel really good to get a batonga bat and just beat the shit out of something. I think that physical release might do me some good.

Does other family members know about your grandparents?

_________________________
GD

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#188865 - 10/26/07 09:22 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: River]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
mom does my spouse does does

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#188868 - 10/26/07 09:50 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
My wife knows. I recently told my brother. He is very supportive. I need to tell my mom and dad.

_________________________
GD

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#189897 - 11/04/07 08:04 AM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
dam I can get mad

music ability came from these two people,

at least they gave me a great gift

sometimes we need to see the colors and not the black that covers our canvas of life.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#278349 - 03/05/09 05:55 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
I was just re-reading these posts today. Does it get any easier... Gosh, it has been a year and half since this thread happened and I am still just as pissed now as I was then.

_________________________
GD

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#278351 - 03/05/09 07:03 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: roadrunner]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Micheal;
I finally realized the waste of mental energy, the mental capicity in my mind and the burden I could no longer carry. It was useless, yet part of the journey

The down dragging forces were keeping me from survivorshiping in peace; sure, first we have the hate and anger then the tears.

Then some find forgiveness, the tears stay; we keep them as if the payment was worth them.

Tears to me now are a form of appreciation in a condensed pure form.

Blame and justification, like trophies on a shelf, I had resentments and negative life scenarios.

Wrongs polished and worn like merit badges.

But I learned; the only thing that makes me Mad, Glad or Sad is me. I decided to chose between tranquility vs. trumoil.

The dilimma was easy once I acknowledged the source.

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#278353 - 03/05/09 07:22 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
dang I forgot I even wrote this stuff

I is ok to have feelings and memories

Now I create memories that are worth

remembering and a lot more fun and loving

and I am glad things have gotten better for me now

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#278635 - 03/08/09 02:30 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Hi Michael:

About 4 months ago my T said to me that as far as history is concerned, I get to chose what I want to remember. Like you, the perp that hurt me was a grandfatherly figure. And while he did do some terrible things, it wasn't all bad. Like you, he gave me an appreciation for music.

It took some doing, but I have a peace now just remembering what I chose to remember, and toss the rest of the crap in the dumper.

Hope you are well Michael.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#301158 - 09/01/09 08:24 AM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
a few weeks a go I got angry at my grandfather for what he did and at the father figure that hurt me after the death of my dad.

It was good yelling at them and telling them to stop.

I little bit of power back.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#302532 - 09/11/09 08:46 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
That is one of the most awesome things I have read. Thank you.

_________________________
GD

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#472087 - 11/03/14 12:26 AM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Wow, has it really been five years. Things are better now. Not much has changed with my folks. My mother just cant deal with the fact that her father sexually abused me (and others). Actually the work around mom has been the more difficult than the actual abuse. Today I am at a place of acceptance that it is just where she is. In her own way she seems to be trying to make an amends. She sent me home with a home-made quilt this past weekend. She continues to dote in my children (even though they are grown), sending them a card and money each month. I just don't want to carry the anger any longer.
_________________________
GD

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#472417 - 11/11/14 09:20 PM Re: fuck you gandpa [Re: michael Joseph]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3430
Loc: O Kanada
fuck you philip and myrtle (grandparents child abusers)
fuck fuck fuck fuck you both
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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