My wife knows. I recently told my brother. He is very supportive. I need to tell my mom and dad.

dam I can get mad

music ability came from these two people,

at least they gave me a great gift

sometimes we need to see the colors and not the black that covers our canvas of life.

I was just re-reading these posts today. Does it get any easier... Gosh, it has been a year and half since this thread happened and I am still just as pissed now as I was then.

Micheal;
I finally realized the waste of mental energy, the mental capicity in my mind and the burden I could no longer carry. It was useless, yet part of the journey

The down dragging forces were keeping me from survivorshiping in peace; sure, first we have the hate and anger then the tears.

Then some find forgiveness, the tears stay; we keep them as if the payment was worth them.

Tears to me now are a form of appreciation in a condensed pure form.

Blame and justification, like trophies on a shelf, I had resentments and negative life scenarios.

Wrongs polished and worn like merit badges.

But I learned; the only thing that makes me Mad, Glad or Sad is me. I decided to chose between tranquility vs. trumoil.

The dilimma was easy once I acknowledged the source.

dang I forgot I even wrote this stuff

I is ok to have feelings and memories

Now I create memories that are worth

remembering and a lot more fun and loving

and I am glad things have gotten better for me now

MJ

Hi Michael:

About 4 months ago my T said to me that as far as history is concerned, I get to chose what I want to remember. Like you, the perp that hurt me was a grandfatherly figure. And while he did do some terrible things, it wasn't all bad. Like you, he gave me an appreciation for music.

It took some doing, but I have a peace now just remembering what I chose to remember, and toss the rest of the crap in the dumper.

Hope you are well Michael.

Jim

a few weeks a go I got angry at my grandfather for what he did and at the father figure that hurt me after the death of my dad.

It was good yelling at them and telling them to stop.

I little bit of power back.

That is one of the most awesome things I have read. Thank you.