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#187946 - 10/19/07 05:26 PM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! [Re: violet]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


There's mix stats on reoffending -- as in most statistical analysis -- just depends on which study you run across.

Also, as with any sexual offense, the likelyhood of escalation is present -- whatever the stats.

I'd also like to see a drunk-driver registry. But just as drunk drivers run the risk of killing someone, there are sexual offenders who also kill, and the likelyhood of violent resolution increases overall (though not in any particular individual) with each sexual offense.

Anyway, personally, it seems a silly argument to make that "most sexual offenders don't repeat" -- what matters is that the sexual offender who has access to your child doesn't repeat -- whatever the stats (and again, the stats are mixed).

Also, it's silly to say that drunk drivers are more lethal than sex offenders -- again, it depends on which sex offender you're talking about -- stats don't protect that one child in X many from being killed.

The registry 1) helps people to know for certain who not to have babysit or have close contact with your children {and no way whould I knowiingly allow my child to be alone with a known sex offender -- no matter the stats} and 2) it might help those who can be helped in confronting their behavior.

Perhaps as many as 20% of adult males have some sexual feelings towards children. But as with all fantasies, most are able to recognize, respect, and be rewarded by, the difference between fantasy/feelings and reality, including social reality, like the social reality that children cannot give consent -- some don't do such a hot job of it. And it's this aspect of a person's personality that makes reoffending somewhat likely (even if never acted upon).

Anyway, the studies I've read contradict what's been written here -- especially when you break down the specifics of offending behavior: for instance, full sexual intercourse with a minor usually takes place only once the adult has spent a lot of time constructing in fantasy an alternative reality in which they give assent to their fantasies and construct elaborate stories which minimize the effects of their fantasies if carried out in reality -- and if you look at this particular form of offending then the stats appear quite high for reoffending -- at least according to the studies I've read.

A person who sexually offends tends to have a more general difficulty with impulse control. It seems rare to have a person who has very good impulse control to offend against a minor and risk the consequences.

And frankly, same with adult rape.

Yes, there are sexual offenders who act out only under "extreme stress" or "unusual circumstances" -- but again, we're talking about a person who under extreme stress or unusual circumstances decompensates and loses the ability to reasonably control their impulses. Since life is stressful and presents unusual circumstances on a fairly regular basis, then a person with relatively poor impulse control is at risk of decompensating more than once in their life.

Take care,
Katie


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#187947 - 10/19/07 05:55 PM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! [Re: Kathryn]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


Also, if there's a great deal of relevance to dissociation and if most sex offenses happen during a dissociated state, there's still the problem of that person not recognizing or owning the severity of their actions when they "come back to themselves" and take appropriate action -- like getting help.

And most dissociative states seem to be of the order of dissociating one's feelings from one's thoughts/actions -- not of the order of not having any access whatsoever to the dissociated material. So there seems to be a relationship between the two states, however tenuous, and this relationship demands some story on the part of the healthier sectors of the personality to justify their behavior. Or so it seems to me. Thus you get sex offenders saying things like "it's not so bad", "I love children", "I'm only helping the child to learn to express themselves", etc....

Once you create such a reality the world becomes a very different place from the one in which people live who view children as vulnerable and in need of protection and love -- not sex.

And it just seems to me that it's part of human nature to experience breaking boundaries as easier once we do it the first time. I personally have no experience to the contrary -- of either others people or myself.

Take care,
Katie


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#187953 - 10/19/07 07:27 PM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! *DELETED* [Re: violet]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Post deleted by BJK

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#187984 - 10/19/07 10:33 PM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! [Re: BJK]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


Bryan,

It's not paranoia, it's about taking reasonable precautions based on information -- however one aquires that information.

I too, as a whole bunch of folks (unfortunately) live near known child molesters. I like being able to know this if for no other reason than to remind myself of reality and thus act accordingly. I don't think it's helpful to soft-peddle the realities we live in. Nor is it helpful to be "paranoid". It is, however, a fact of life which we all must deal with.

I'm sorry you find what I wrote so destructive and perhaps Violet was expressing "paranoia" -- but I really didn't read her post as "paranoid" -- just reasonably concerned. I could, of course, be wrong about this.

I know when I first looked at the registry and discovered 4 sex offenders living near by I was shocked, dismayed and concerned. I personally feel this to be a reasonable reaction, not a paranoid over-reaction.

Take care,
Katie


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#187995 - 10/19/07 11:27 PM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! *DELETED* [Re: Kathryn]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Post deleted by BJK



Edited by BJK (10/20/07 12:26 PM)
_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#188022 - 10/20/07 07:38 AM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! [Re: BJK]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


I agree that the information from the registry didn't cause me to change my behavior -- and it really doesn't matter all that much to me if we have or don't have registries.

Mostly, it's a false sense of security to assume that sex offenders are unlikely to reoffend.

I'm pretty darn politically liberal. I don't believe in the death penalty, etc.... But I'm also less concerned about the rarity of someone being unjustly harrassed due to sex offender registry information (or misinformation) than I am that we get way more serious about protecting children rather than giving lip-service to the idea.

Again, I'm not protecting the idea of the registry, just that in the hierarchy of personal concerns I'm much more concerned with protecting children than abolishing the registry.

And frankly, the rate of reoffending -- which is quite high --should give all of us pause. As you suggest, if we're really concerned about the possiblity of reoffense, and also escalation of violence -- then we probably ought to think twice about early release programs and the like.

It's fairly new historically that any major culture has condemned child sexual abuse. Personally, I think we still have some catching up to do.

Take care,
Katie


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#188029 - 10/20/07 11:20 AM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! *DELETED* [Re: Kathryn]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Post deleted by BJK

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#188032 - 10/20/07 12:00 PM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! [Re: BJK]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
***Triggers*** Possibly. I'm sorry but I feel this perspective on this issue needs to be considered as well.

There is this cousin of mine who lived a very tragic life. Every card was stacked against him ever since his parents separated when he was a young boy. One afternoon as his sister and he came off the school bus for visitation with their dad, they found the garage door bolted closed and car exhaust seeping through the cracks from the inside. My cousin's dad took his own life leaving his kids behind to find him.

My cousin ended up in some trouble with the law as a teenager and was sent to a group home down state. I'm not sure exactly what his experiences were there, but upon return it appeared as if he was sincerely trying to get his life in order. We all believed he had until there was talk of him being in trouble with the law again a few years ago. The thing is… no one would say exactly what this "trouble" was.

I learned exactly what this secret whisper was all about one afternoon while I was checking out the sex offender registry online. I still maintain that we should trust no one with our kids...family, neighbors, coaches... I mean NO ONE. If they seem more interested in our kids, there may be a sinister reason for this...even if there is not a sinister reason, why take this risk?

I have compassion for the struggles my cousin had faced as a boy, but no tolerance for the harm he has caused innocent children as a man. His face is where it needs to be in warning our society that he is a potential risk. Are there people listed on the registry that do not belong there? Are there men listed there that have done the work to grow and change? Most certainly there are for there is never such a system without such oversight and error. I am truly sorry for those posted in error BUT for the children in families that are too frightened to speak up with the truth (like mine appears to be) I am grateful. This is a situation where ignorance will not defend those that can not defend themselves…those in this case are the precious children that deserve the best that life has to offer.

S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#188033 - 10/20/07 12:26 PM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! *DELETED* [Re: sweet-n-sour]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Post deleted by BJK

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#188096 - 10/20/07 09:19 PM Re: Sex Offender Next Door!!! TRIGGERS!!!! [Re: BJK]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


Bryan,

There's probably a difference between a person who experiences certain thoughts, feelings, confusions, etc.... and nevertheless takes the time to learn, to think, to feel, etc.... and a person who has less of a capacity to do so. I agree with you that these fantasies are probably "implanted" -- and wrote privately to you about my feelings about this. But the difference between you and someone who offends -- and again from someone who offends more than once -- and again from someone who escalates -- is that you're taking the time and care to introspect, learn from new experiences, etc.... Not everyone has that capacity. And personally, I don't believe every human being on earth would choose to excercise that capacity even if they had it. I don't think Hitler was just a good bloke who lost hope. I'm not religious, but I still think there's something to the idea of evil.

Are most sex offenders evil in a similar way to Hitler? I doubt it. But many don't have the capacity to do what you're doing. Some do. Some don't. And some are simply more similar to Hitler.

And this has been the case before the existence of registries and will be the case if we get rid of them too.

I understand what you're saying about a sexually abused child learning the lesson that love and abuse are "the same thing" --and I have a lot of compassion for that terrible lesson. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.

But again, there are those who have the capacity to reflect, think, and learn -- and those who largely (even if not completely) lack that capacity -- and those who simply wish not to excercise it.

I think it's falacious to assume that all people will do good if given hope, though obviously the lack of hope can drive people in directions they might otherwise not go.

Take care,
Katie


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